Last night, I took one for the TiFaux team and watched the Disney Channel’s incredibly popular original movie, High School Musical. And let me just say up front, I did not regret a single second of it. (As the Simpsons would ask, “Are you being sarcastic?” To which I’d reply, “I don’t even know anymore.” In all honesty, I can’t decide if I enjoyed this sincerely, ironically, post-ironically, or post-post-ironically. Maybe a little bit of each?) There’s something innately entertaining about a bunch of kids really mugging the hell out of a ridiculous script. They’re not doing it ironically, I can tell you that much. Just look at them.

As the curtain rises (so to speak), we meet Gabriella (beautiful bookworm) and Troy (sensitive jock), the two most talented sight-readers in the history of singing. Seriously, they don’t even need to know the notes — just give them the words and they’re harmonizing like pros at a New Year’s karaoke bash. Hey, I’ve never sung like that in front of people before! Me neither! You were really good! So were you! So I guess I’ll never see you again, huh? Okay bye!

But wait! If you’ve seen Grease, you can imagine what’s coming. If you haven’t, you can probably also imagine what’s coming. Take out all the clever or dirty bits and you’ve got an idea of the rest of the plot. Should they audition for the musical (pardon me, the Twinkletown Musicale) together? Will their friends/coaches/teammates understand? The answers are yes, and of course not. But in the end we learn that in fact anyone can do anything they want. That guy from the basketball team loves baking — bake away. That chubby girl nerd loves hip hop — bring it on. And Troy and Gabriella just gotta sing, and win the big game and the scholastic bowl, respectively. Why not? (But no kissing.)

Even though I could not stop smiling at this wonder of the small screen, I did have slight a problem with the moral here. As a person who was forced to quit math team a record three years in a row due to theatrical commitments (NERD!), I just don’t think it’s actually possible for them to be the awesomest at literally everything they do. Coaches get mad. Directors are unreasonable. There’s a little thing called “homework.” And it’s just not practical to plan on pulling the fire alarm every day so you can make it to both practice and rehearsal.

The climax of this movie wasn’t even a performance, it was the audition, which means they haven’t even started dealing with being totally over-scheduled. Though with the crowd the audition gathered, and the special effects used, I doubt the school has the budget or the audience left to go through with the real thing.

Oh man, speaking of low budgets, one of my favorite parts of the movie happens when Troy invites Gabriella up to his secret rooftop hiding place, so they can talk about how much they really like to sing and definitely not make out.

(Gabriella walks up the stairs to a deck filled with approximately a dozen small potted plants.)

Gabriella: Wow, it’s like a jungle up here!

Yes, just like a jungle, Gabriella. Watch out for that lion hiding out by the tiny cactus behind Troy’s head.

In the end, “moral” aside, there’s not much not to love about High School Musical. It’s got it all (but no kissing). It’s the classic and eternal struggle between the sports and the arts, between smart kids and not-so-smart kids, between mean superficial people and nice ones, between being yourself and being more of yourself, and between singers and people who like to watch singing. That last one doesn’t really have much conflict. But then, neither does the movie.