Kyle MacLachlan and The AV Club, you’re on notice

Posted by Kyle February 16th, 2006 at 06:59pm In All Things TV I'm Sick of Your Shit

I really like Kyle MacLachlan. I really like The Onion AV Club. But man did they steer me wrong tonight. The AV Club has a feature this week about this year’s mid-season replacement shows which, as you may know, are historically very bad programs. They gave a B+ to a show called “In Justice” starring Kyle MacLachlan. For a midseason show that’s a hearty endorsement. So I decided to watch an episode. Maggie warned me that the presence of the 2nd greatest Kyle in a TV show wasn’t really enough to make me enjoy it. It certainly didn’t work for Sex and the City. Ugh.

So Maggie was right. Where do I start? How about the title? In. Justice. It’s like a play on words. It’s about these do-gooder lawyers headed by the K man, whose dad is a powerful California congressman. They don’t get along. Big surprise. Next problem is the opening sequence. It has a voiceover explaining that things don’t always go right at trials and these are their stories, or something. Hmmm, where have I heard a voiceover at the beginning of a procedural drama before? I can think of three right off the top of my head, and they all start with Law & Order.

The episode I watched started with a kid typing “innocent man help for no money” in Google. Now there’s a search that’s bound to fail, I thought to myself. But no, this kid was Feeling Lucky. His first two hits were actually pro bono legal services. They’re called The Innocent League, and Laws of Man (which is also a great Christian rock band). They’re even in California, but not close enough for his taste. He needs one on a local bus route.  But what do you know? The third one has a goofy-looking picture of the K-ster. It’s called The National Justice Project. And it’s in Oakland, which this kid knows he can get to on the C730 bus which leaves in 15 minutes. All three of the websites look like they were designed in 1997.

OK, so now we finally meet Sir K. Man, he looks awful. Get a haircut. What happened to Special Agent Dale Cooper? He is very close to a serious downgrade on the all-time list of Kyles. One great thing he does on the show is write completely illegible notes on a white-board. Just like House, you can tell he doesn’t let anyone else touch that thing.

He has a whole bunch of interchangeable, idealisticish minions who I guess will provide the supporting stories, but there are so many of them it’s hard to keep track. At one point a pair of them was questioning a witness in the ridiculous case they were working on and actually pulled a Columbo. The guy seemed to think that they had come out there just to ask if he was doing all right, and just when he thought he was off the hook: BAM! Oh… JUST ONE MORE QUESTION… that didn’t get old 20 years ago did it?

My favorite part was when the kid got to visit his dad in jail and his mom came too and the kid made them all hug. Apparently San Quentin doesn’t have the same “no touching” rules they have at the O.C Prison (don’t call it that).

Anyway, it’s my duty to advise you not to watch this show.