We all know that it’s more dramatic for things to end badly than for people to end up happily ever after. And to be honest, a happy sex scene is probably just porn. But why do so many television sex scenes have to be so excruciating, so awkward and embarrassing that I’m forced to cover my eyes with my hands until they arrive at their seriously un-climatic ending?

I’m sure you know I’m basically talking about poor suffering (slightly spastic) Georgie and emotional sinkhole of despair Meredith. “It’s okay… you’re almost done, right?” gets my vote for one of the saddest, most awful lines ever televised. Way to go, Meredith.

Other atrocities that make me look away in fear:

• The audience in the studio of American Idol. (Heather Havrilesky calls them the Fraudience.) I start thinking about what life choices brought these people to the audience of American Idol, and the hidden traumas or broken dreams that they are now masking in wild enthusiasm for sad, talentless hacks and the inimitable “wit” of Ryan Seacrest.
• Those NBC promos for Thursday night’s Must See TV line-up, where they turn one hilarious show, one mildly entertaining show, one show that used to be funny, and one train wreck of a show* into 30 seconds of slow-mos and hugs. Did the promo men not get the memo that these are comedies? I’m not asking for laugh tracks and funny sound effects, but a joke or two wouldn’t kill them.
• My ultimate, most-despised pet peeve: that moment in Project Runway, every week, when Heidi brings out the models and says, and I quote, “Models, this is also a competition for you as well.” This is ALSO a competition for you AS WELL. ALSO AS WELL. Noooooooooo!!!!!

*The Office, My Name Is Earl, Will and Grace, and Four Kings. FYI.