Uncomfortable Sex on Last Night’s Sopranos: 4/31/06

Posted by Dan May 1st, 2006 at 04:42pm In The Sopranos

Vito and Johnnycakes dare to dream.

Last night wasn’t much in terms of violence on The Sopranos. In fact, aside from Vito and his would-be love interest getting into a knock-down drag-out fist fight, there really wasn’t any to speak of at all.

There was, however, lots of uncomfortable sex/nudity to be enjoyed by my brother, my mom and myself. Here’s the run-down.

1. The first moments of the episode feature Carmella and Tony going at it.  For her part, Carmella looks horrified (or maybe I’m just projecting).  Really, I’d probably be worried about Tony’s belly scar bursting open and being covered in mafia guts.

2. So, Vito’s been celibate ever since running away from home when he was outed.  He found himself in this quaint, sleepy New Hampshire town that just happens to be chock full of gays (it probably has a name — I’ll just call it Gayberry).  He settles down in Gayberry and begins a flirtation with the guy who runs the local diner and fries up a mean stack of Johnnycakes.  The guy, who looks kind of like a more Harley-Davidsonish version of the guy from Seven Mary Three [W&M represent!]), seems to reciprocate Vito’s affections.
Jumping ahead, Vito screws up by pretending he’s not actually gay, they get into a fight and Johnnycakes leaves Vito in a bloody heap in a parking lot.  Despite all this, Vito manages to walk into the diner again patch things up and one montage later they’re on a blanket in the meadow and Vito is taking off Johnnycakes’ shirt.
Meanwhile, I’m staring at the television screen, shouting in my head “OhmyGodchangethesceneohmygodchangethesceneohmygodchangethescene.”  The scene lasted for about 5 seconds, but, I swear to God, it felt like a half hour.

3. A.J. gets an erotic massage from some blonde who thinks its cool that his dad’s a gangster.  It doesn’t really go any further than that (that we see, anyway), but it’s strange to see the slimmed-down, grown-up A.J., having gone from this to this.

4. Remember Julianna Marguiles?  Last time you saw her, she was reuniting with special guest star George Clooney on E.R.  Last night she was a Century 21 realtor (named Julianna) who was having her panties graphically ripped off by Mr. Soprano.  Unfortunately for Julianna, Tony gets a case of the guilts and storms out.  Later on, he gets pissed about copping out and yells at Carmella for not getting smoked turkey.
And this is what I don’t get — what is it about these roly-poly mafia men that is making them attract people that (in other circumstances) would be way out of their league?  Is it just that stench of power and suaveness?