So for a blog dedicated to the joy of watching television without commercials, I've been posting a lot of commercials lately. Why? Because I like good commercials, and commercials are television too. And maybe I feel like I want to give something back to the hardworking folks on Madison Ave. And maybe I was sick of linking to YouTube and I finally figured out how to embed the videos within our fancy graphical editor.

And maybe I think Parker Posey is totally dreamy.

 
Fay Grim says drink Pepsi!
(copyright HDNet Films)

You know how the only reason basic cable channels aren't 24-hour man-on-goat orgies is because they wouldn't get any advertisers? The broadcast networks may be hampered by the Margaret Dumonts at the FCC, but basic cable just wants to get paid. And the people who sponsor goat orgy tv shows don't pay the big bucks like companies such as, say… Philips do. Well, what happens when the advertisers turn into foul-mouthed assholes? The world goes all crazy!

Witness this website extolling the virtues of the Philips (Official Partner of the 2006 FIFA World Cup Germany™) Bodygroom.

You (men) are supposed to use this device to shave your unsightly body hair. This can include your back, chest, or armpits, but the site spends most of its time talking about shaving your cock, balls, and ass. Ok. So they beep out the "dirty" words. But they also invented a phrase much dirtier than anything they bleeped out: "Optical Inch." As in "When Hedwig shaved off all his pubic hair using the Philips Bodygroom he added an optical inch to his penis length. Optically doubling his manhood." It's a tortured, legalistic phrase designed to promise something without delivering anything.

Still, there's something oddly fascinating about this strange be-robed pitchman. He's a kind of depilated Inconsiderate Cell Phone Guy (note: in that link an ad copywriter says " 'Waiting for Guffman,' 'Best in Show,' even 'Curb Your Enthusiasm,' which are all loosely scripted, are all really funny right now." (emphasis mine)) but the asshole he's impersonating is not the butt of a joke, he's the ideal customer.

Weird. 

I’m three years late on this one, but still: It’s all over.

Awwwww.

I watched seven years of Buffy in two months. Kyle did some math, and it turns out I spent 6.8% of my time watching Buffy since I started. That about the same amount of time I spent eating. So… yay me, I guess.

My stubborn optimism all but bailed on me for season seven, which just wasn’t particularly good, compared to the previous six. I didn’t feel betrayed and upset by this relative lack of quality, but this might be because the “good old days” were, for me, not years ago, but weeks. And truthfully, I enjoyed elements of every episode. But something about them failed to gel properly. Like a caffeine-addicted coffee drinker who suddenly switches to tea, I found I had to watch more and more episodes in a row to feel like I’d gotten the proper dosage.

(The drug metaphors are losing their “ha ha, I’m so addicted to TV, whatever” appeal and starting to scare me. Particularly because now I’m entering the withdrawl stage. I had to talk myself down from STARTING THE WHOLE THING OVER AGAIN, almost as soon as I’d finished. Not healthy.)

So. What now? Besides re-aquainting myself with the outdoors and other hobbies, I’m taking suggestions for the next television obsession. Six Feet Under is top of the list right now. Thoughts? Other ideas?

When characters on Greys Anatomy give their show-stopping, Emmy reel speeches, do they have a tendency to bookend them with the same phrases?

I only caught the second half of last night’s episode, but I saw the phenomenon twice, once when Southern Mama gives her little “I can hear you, I’m right here” speech and again when Meredith gives the “You don’t get to call me a whore” speech.

Am I just imagining things?