Reality Eats Itself – The Fresh Meat Challenge: Episodes 1 & 2

Posted by Dan June 7th, 2006 at 01:06pm In Guilty Pleasures MTV RW/RR Challenge

This post marks the first installment of the Real World/Road Rules Fresh Meat Challenge weekly roundup.  In addition to episode recaps and wiseass commentary, Cristin and Dan will also be contending in the first TiFaux fantasy battle royale.  Cristin's Blue Iguanas will go head-to-head with Dan's Green Monkeys.   The rules are after the jump as well as the results, which began starting with episode two.

Episode One: 

The Australian sun dawned hot an unforgiving on the Real World- Road Rules Challengers this season. Unlike with past challenges, for this term MTV selected 12 "unknowns" to partner up with the seasoned Challenge veterans for a chance to win $250,000. Pairs compete individually, and at the end of each round, two pairs are sent "into exile" to battle for the chance to play another day.

Tempers flared early among the veterans: "Who are these kids? It's not like I come to their job and try to outdo them," wondered Theo, whilst Challenge rookie Kenny postulated "I definitely think I'm one of the more attractive ones in the house, if not top 1 or 2." Super. The veterans each selected a rookie team member in random draft order, each wondering if this one choice would make or break them, while I wondered why Danny had downgraded Melinda from "fiance" to "girlfriend" between the RR: Austin wrap special (sponsored by Michael C Fina!) and this challenge.

The first test, "Stuck On Me," involved heights, balancing, and 360 degree turns. Coral and Evan proved to be an early powerhouse and took it home, meaning that (1) they got to pick one team to go into exile and (2) they were exempt from voting on the second exile team.

Coral and Evan choose Casey and Wes for exile, based (presumably) on the fact that this was the worst they could do to Wes as punishment for his mohawk. Wes tries to get the proverbial alliance ball rolling and makes a rookie mistake by trying to get Tonya and her gigantic Boobs of Hatred on deck. Tonya bails on him (shocker) and Johanna's inability to do basic math during voting all but condemns Danny and Ev to exile along with Wes and Casey. Austin cast rumble! Too bad you didn't spend all those nights at the Dizzy Rooster doing chinups and squat thrusts! There's one more challenge before exile where in, should either of the exiled pairs win, they would be given the chance to save themselves by sending another pair in their place. The "Bushwhacked" challenge involved standing on tree stumps and throwing medicine balls at one another and, despite their extensive ball handling skills, neither Danny nor Wes wins the opportunity to escape from exile.

Exile is a race with two checkpoints. Each checkpoint gives the opportunity to win a reward should the pair decide to slow their time down by completing the puzzle. Each pair is also required to carry the weight of the luggage
they brought to Australia with them as they race through the course, and
danny has packed like a total woman and is saddled with over a hundred pounds. He and Ev lose and head home, while Wes berates Casey for being intellectually and athletically worthless. Cool! Wes and Casey return home and spin wild tales of woe about what is entailed in exile, including eating kangaroo, which I'm fairly sure is outlawed when amongst the Aussies.

Episode 2:

Episode two starts out on a buzz-killingly serious note, as Derrick and his fresh meat partner Diem stroll along a path and she details how she has ovarian cancer.  She's going to begin her second round of treatment after the Challenge — at which point the physical effects will really take their toll.

In a bold editing move, the action cuts to Evan screaming about the message on their T-Mobile Sidekick or whatever tiny computer they're getting their messages on this season.  Turns out this week's challenge is a lot like last weeks in the sense that it involves both heights and a lot of body contact. 

It goes like this: the male team member hangs upside down from a crane over the water.  The crane lifts out of the water and the female team member grabs onto his wrists.  Whichever team can last the longest without falling wins.  Simple, right?

Coral and Evan get to pick the lineup — obviously giving the shaft to the Austin kids by making them go first (it's a bizarre psychological phenomenon how knowing what you have to beat makes you do better, but it seems to work every time) and, despite a couple of tough fights, they come up with their third consecutive victory.  They pick Melinda and Ryan for exile.

Next is deliberation time.  Wes is terrified that Johanna might get sent home, so he opts for he and Casey to go in instead.  Casey, following some sort of blonde logic, decides that she has no choice but to support Wes by going into exile, saying that she'd do the same thing in his shoes.  Also, she doesn't want Wes' peformance to suffer if Johanna gets sent home (what?).  It's a strange brand of oddball loyalty and honor that these people get in their heads when they get on the Challenge set.  "Going home" is the equivalent of "being sent to Guantanamo Bay." 

The Scoreboard:

Teams*:
Cristin's Blue Iguanas: Katie/Eric; Johanna/Jesse; Tonya/Johnnie; Theo/Chanda; Shane/Linette
Dan's Green Monkeys: Coral/Evan; Melinda/Ryan; Tina/Kenny; Darrell/Aviv; Derrick/Diem

(*selected by an objective third party — friend of the Faux Morgan)