Previously: Jason's back, and not in a Friday the 13th kind of way. Sadly. Because that would be way more interesting than what's actually going down here.

We open and– wait, where's the getting dressed montage? What is this, outdoors? It seems that LC is golf club shopping for Jason's birthday. And she brought the intrepid Heidi along with her, just in case they run into a MENSA recruiter. The girls flail around the store before Heidi suggests that they should get help (issue #55: Yes, please. Pronto. Of the professional variety. Anything to speed you along to an ambien overdose, Heides).

This episode is creatively titled JASON'S BIRTHDAY, proving once again that producing this show must be just as, if not more, boring than watching it.

At TeenVoid Whitney philosophises "Jeans can be really addicting." (issue #56: addictive?). We find out that LC has to assist on a fashion shoot on wednesday which is– oh NO– the day of Jason's birthday. How will this conflict resolve itself?

Audrina and Heidi lounge in the pool discussing Audrina's upcoming date with a "Danny." Whatever happened with that brad you were dating? "We never took it to the next level," Audrina says. (issue #57: How many levels do you have, Audrina? Gold, Platinum, AmEx Black?)

Jason strolls into LC's apartment and is pissed to find out that LC has to work on his birthday. I'm pissed to find out that LC refers to the editrix as "Love" (issue #60: remember when jennifer love hewitt tried this trick? yeah, worked out well for her, huh?) LC is pissed because she's still wearing the same skanky headband.

We get a great look at The Worst Date Ever with Audrina and Dan The Man, which almost makes me like this show. Almost. First of all, Danny appears to be looking at the far side of 30 years old, while Audrina just cleared 18. When she references her job he says "Oh, you WORK? Sorry." Then he tells fake boob stories, and calls in to his answering machine to hear his messages ("my agent" he says, by way of explanation). He's never been in a long term relationship and, of the food he's served, declares "this salad's like a party." (issue #61: I wait for the Pants Party joke and am left unfulfilled).

Audrina returns to her more age-appropriate group of friends, including Never Took It To The Next Level Brad, in front of whom she proceeds to dissect her evening's activities. Does Brad Dude look a little like Jerry O'Connell? Only, you know, not as hot? Which, you know, is saying something?

FASHION SHOOT! Remember, LC, you live for this. You live for lining up shoes. By category. You live for editor Blaine showing an unhealthy amount of interest in your boyfriend's birthday festivities, which you are currently missing. You live for fielding phone calls from Jason when he discovers his birthday golf clubs before getting called away to line up more shoes. You live for the passive aggressive struggle with the shoot director ("Lauren, are you coming to the last shoot on the beach?" "I'll come if you need me." "Well, you don't HAVE to." "Okay." "So, are you coming?") that ends in you ditching the last part of the shoot to get back to Jason (issue #61: the shoot director is an uber bitch. Girlfriend needs to get laid).

At Jason's birthday dinner, Not Taking It To The Next Level Brad makes the most awkward birthday toast to Jason of all time (issue #62: How much time has elapsed? How is Jason BFF with the LA crowd already?) while his Sadly Unadvancing To The Next Level friend Audrina announces that she used to be a Hooters girl. Shock. Ing. Jason is a raging dick (Shock. Ing. the sequel: Son of Shock. Ing) and ditches Lauren during dinner to make a few odd trips to the bathroom with some dude that looks like he wants to teach Jason how to put his money up his nose and his pants around his ankles. LC is pissed. Trouble in paradise starts a'brewing. (issue #63: If we don't get some awesome Heidi Quitting Her Job sequences this week, I'm going to be mad as hell).

episode issue count: 7. An all time low. The apathy has set in. I'm sinking faster than that horse in the Neverending Story swamp.