Previously: Jason has a birthday. Audrina has a bad date. Cristin has thoughts of suicide.

The ladies of The Hills lunch outdoors, discussing Heidi's upcoming anniversary with Boyfriend Brad. The gals ask Heidi where they were "counting from," obviously suggesting that Heidi gave it up before she secured the Girlfriend label. Heidi says that they count from when he officially asked her out, which he did with lillies. (Depending on what color they were, BfB could have been suggesting anything from his attraction to her purity–sure– or her wealth). (issue #64: LC does not take this moment to interject with her dad's oft-repeated "flowers say I'm sorry and chocolates say I love you!" maxim. Someone check her back, I think the pull-string might be broken). LC ruminates "Remember what a big deal six months used to be? If you were in high school and you were a good girl, at 6 months you gave it up" starting a 16 year old boy pilgrimage to West Laguna High. Is this true, meaning I went to high school with a bunch of prudes, or is she trying to justify losing it to stephen at 6 months and 1 day as a freshman?

This episode is called "Boyfriends and Work Don't Mix." (issue #65: I don't want to ruin anything for you, but having seen the whole episode, I can safely say that this isn't even close to being the actual "thesis" of these 23 minutes. It's like MTV keeps giving the title card-writing job to an intern and saying "Oh, we'll update those to something spunkier before–what? it airs TOMORROW? Aight, leave it in, I guess." They might as well call each of these "some kids do some stuff and also some other stuff.")

Opening song is one I've never heard before but is clearly by Ashlee Simpson. I saw her new video this morning and it took me a good 2 minutes to realize that it was her– she's had work done, right? I mean, she must have. I saw the "Boyfriend" video a good 4,500 times and still, I wouldn't know the little simpson if she danced out of my closet wearing 40% of my wardrobe at the same time which, from the looks of it, is how she gets dressed for these video shoots.

Heidi plays solitaire at her uber-important Bolthouse job, before Brent calls her in to say that this wednesday she's going to start working in the clubs. Heidi bounces with excitement before she realizes… wednesday is her 6 month anniversary! (see above: she's a good girl and was totally gonna give it up that night). (issue #66: Considering Heidi has done next to nothing to earn this, I'm gonna go ahead and assume that MTV got wind of her anniversary plans and told Brent they'd score him some quality blow if he effed it up for her). "Wednesday is our anniversary. We were going to go out to dinner and go bowling!" Heidi whines. Bowling? Is that what the kids call it these days? Maybe my high school wasn't full of prudes– maybe I just never learned the lingo.

Jason stalks LC on the street. He is easily able to pick her out because she's still wearing the black headband (issue #67: what. the. eff. If that thing starts popping up all over Claire's because LC was too lazy to shampoo, I'm going to be pissed). "I just wanted to talk to you, cause it seems like you were a little upset," Jason says, shifting nervously and avoiding eye contact (can't sleep, clowns'll eat me. Can't sleep, clowns'll eat me) with his beloved. They kind of talk it out before LC needs to take off. "I have to go, I have a test" (HPV?). At TeenVoid, LC's test-taking is confirmed yet again by her absence in a super-important meeting about the fashion show that Jay is styling for LA fashion week (whatever, New York Jr.). InternWhitney and LC will apparently be the only two helping him. LC gets to class in time for her test (issue #68-9: The teacher refers to it as a quiz. Also, not to be rude, but how hard can this be? True or False: These are polka dots. Which of the following blazers best compliments skinny jeans?) Whitney later calls LC to warn her about their upcoming project: "This is the most work I've ever seen!" So many shoes to line up!

Heidi gets briefed on what her Wednesday night will be by a scary Elvira-looking PR lady: Work the line, don't go inside the club, no hanging out with your friends. No drinking, no drugs, no flip flops. (issue #70: NO FLIP FLOPS?!? You effing communist!)

The next morning (or, a week later, or, a month prior… who the hell knows) LC and Jason waltz around LC's kitchen. (issue #71: Does Jason have an apartment? Did they not get clearance to film there, or something? Also, as pointed out by reader cathy last week, how did he already get upgraded from Totally Asshole to Boyfriend That I Drop the L Bomb for and Give Keys To? If next week is the New Year's episode and the series started with the fall semester, that puts us *maybe* in November, meaning Jason has been back for, tops, 2 months. I've had a longer relationship with my dry cleaner, and they don't have keys to my place). InternWhitney is already at fashion show set-up day, and is given the job of hauling LC in to work. We find out that LC's start time for the day was 2:30 (issue #72: why'd they say Good Morning in the kitchen scene, then? I'm giving up on chronology. This whole show now officially exists in a vacuum) and that she was late (issue #73: Why did intern Whitney have an earlier start time? LC didn't have any important test/ quiz things that day. Unless she was going to help Jason FINALLY learn his shapes and colors). LC gets the "if one person is late, it backs ALL of us up" speech, and is given a polaroid to man. Yeah, sure looks like not having a polaroid girl set you back a few days.

And now it's FASHION SHOW day! LC gets the job of calling absentee model Jessica. Again, I am positive that MTV baracaded Jessica into her apartment in order to make sure there'd be something remotely interesting to deal with at this shindig. Never fear, Jay has a backup plan: If Jessica doesn't show, "We'll just put Whitney in." (issue #74: Not even a passing comment is made suggesting that LC should model. Is this a prize for being The Intern That Wasn't 5 Minutes late? Is it because Whitney is, uh, taller? Or should we call the National Eating Disorders Commission and have them put LC on bulemia watch?).

Back at Anniversary Ranch, BfB gives Heidi pearl earrings (to match the pearl necklace he gave her on their first date. Heyo!). I don't have anything else to say about their dumb back and forth and only brought it up so that I could make a sex joke. I never claimed to be mature.

At the fashion show, LC gets to wear a kick ass headset and make comments like "Everyone remember who you're in front of!" (issue #75: what kind of ass backwards thinking is that? This is why you're wearing the headset and not modeling, LC).

Then we get a commercial for John Tucker Must Die, which I'll clearly be seeing opening weekend. Who's coming with me? It's Hell Hath No Fury Like a Prom Queen Scorned, basically. And has the adorable girl from American Dreams. What could be better??

Over at LAX (Issue #76: So there's only one nightclub in LA then, right? And when Heidi said she would get them into cool clubs with her cool new PR job, she really meant that she would get them into clubs they already went to?) BfB and the otherBrad show up for Heidi's big night of Line-working and flip-flop shunning, and Heidi's scary witch-looking boss congratulates BfB on the big 6 monther, more than a little ironically (issue #77: why does she even know about this? I think Heidi needs to look into keeping her work and personal spheres separate). Heidi wanders inside to have smoochies with BfB, ignoring the "no seeing your friends" rule (what's next? FLIP FLOPS?) when her "ex-date Josh" shows up. Heidi introduces BfB as her boyfriend, chats briefly with Josh, then sends him on his merry way. Later on in the night, BfB will Totally Flip His Shit about Josh's brief appearance (again, either MTV is sending plants in or there really is only 1 club in LA) and Heidi will make a shockingly rational series of points about how she did nothing wrong: She didn't wave Josh over, didn't know he was going to be there at all, and wasn't anything more than cordial to him. (issue #78: You have no idea how hard this is for me to say– Heidi has a point. I take issue with that). BfBrad is a jealous lunatic.

At Fashion Weak (yay, obvious puns! Good work, Cristin!) Whitney gets outfitted into some 1950s Greaser looking thing that should have "Stay golden, ponyboy" written across the back. She works it down the runway (hauls ass a little, but I would too) and has editrix Love comment "She's so composed. All the time," before offering to get Whitney started as a professional model. Don't worry LC, if that theme song is true, then today is where your book begins… the rest is still unwritten!

Episode issues count:  15  Season issues count: 78

News nuggets to get you through your mid-morning slump.

• The void where Star Jones used to flap her gums on The View will be filled by a few guest co-hosts before a final host is named.  They all have one thing in common: you've heard of all of them, but it's doubtful they have better things to be doing than hosting The View.  For starters, Shannen Doherty (wha?) will take a turn, followed by American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee, the chick judge from Dancing With the Stars as well as Kelly Monaco, DWTS's first winner.
• In a bizarre, and kind of gross, reality show marriage, one of Donald Trump's apprentices married the dentist from Extreme Makeover.  The two will inevitably have children with freakishly high cheekbones.  Also, Stephenie from Survivor (Guatamala and Palau seasons) got married.
• I'm guessing no amount of sappy music and ferklemped interviews with Ty Pennington can make this situation seem warm and fuzzy.  Five kids, aged 14-21, were taken in by friends of the family from church after their parents' deaths.  The kids participated in an episode of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and the modest house they lived in was pimped out, creating 9 bedrooms — one for each kid in the house.  Promptly following the renovation, guess what happened?  The family kicked the damned orphans out!  Now the orphans are suing ABC to try to get their due and ABC is all "we don't owe you anything."  I guess the goodwill all ends when the cameras turn off.
• Looks like Dunder Mifflin and Wernham Hogg are going to be sharing some cramped quarters.  Unnamed stars from the UK version of The Office will be visiting the US show .

The so-called "Lost Episodes" of Chappelle's Show started airing last night. To be honest, I was nervous. I mean, something must've been going seriously wrong for Dave to up and ditch the show entirely. Could it still be funny?

Yes. It was hilarious.

(This was the only good picture I could find.)

Much like in the extraordinarily awesome Dave Chappelle's Block Party (rent it. NOW.), Dave's enthusiasm is totally infectious, no matter what he's doing.

A high percentage of the sketches were about how rich Dave Chappelle is. I suppose that says something about his state of mind, or whatever. But getting revenge on your old girlfriend by convincing her to get a divorce and run away with you but then when she does it just laughing in her face as your limo drives away — that's just funny. 

Be sure to catch these last few shows.