Recap: 

Cristin Writes:

Going into this episode, teams Katie/Eric and Tina/Kenny are slated to head into exile following a routine voting session and amazingly uncalled-for hissy fit by tina. The gang celebrates by heading out to The Cheeky Monkey (which looks shockingly like The Dizzy Rooster from the Austin season — I call shenanigans) where Evan and his athletic hernia engaged in a contest that involve inflating a condom to its breaking point, something I doubt Evan would be able to accomplish with any other body parts IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING. Wes, the Exile Expert, coaches Katie and Eric on how to come out ahead, saying that if they return, as a group they'll be able to "do some crazy things." Please don't let them involve Eric naked.

The challenge is called Human Ox Pull, and involves splitting into two teams to pull a sled with 800 pound of  hay on it. The winning team will then break down into the original two person teams and compete in individual sled pulls. During the pull we are treated to a series of hard-to-watch
looks at the painful grimaces on Hernia Evan's face as he, most likely, gives himself series of baby hernias.

Team Hernia loses, which is good because Coral has managed to pop her kneecap out and needs to go to the hospital, giving Evan the perfect excuse to get his hernia looked at on the sly. Evan carries Coral into the hospital after ox pulling 4 times his weight, making him either a total trooper or big, raging idiot. Either way, he's got invites to the next 9 challenges locked up, so at least he won't have to get a REAL job. Might want to start looking at Cobra, though. Coral is eventually transported to another hospital, still unaware that her partner is herniated and possibly hemmoraging. Eeewwww.

Back at the individual ox pulls, wes and casey quit theirs early because casey is "useless" (I agree), and she remains hilariously tangled in
her harness for many joyful minutes. Darell and Aviv take it on home.

During the exile race, Tina and Kenny are carrying 50 pounds less than Eric and Katie, giving them an early lead. They solve the first puzzle and get to drop their bags, but forget to pick up their team flag. They have enough of a lead on Katie and Eric, though, that returning to get it doesn't compromise their win (note to the producers, maybe these puzzle stations should be more than 50 feet or so apart?), and they send Katie and Eric packing. "Kenny and I can be unstoppable" Tina says. Great. Looking forward to it.

Cristin's two cents:

Yawn. Yawn. Yaaaaawn. Evan is sufficiently disgusting me, crossing "oaf-like heroics" off my list of things to watch for and whittling it down to a single focus: Diem. I love her. All I want them to do is show more Diem so I can get to know her likes and dislikes in order to carefully craft a planned-but-totally-coincidental-looking series of meetings with her that will force her to love me, like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day.

Dan's two cents: 

I wish someone got points every time Wes was verbally abusive.  Poor Casey. Poor blonde Casey.  Poor simple blonde Casey.  I'm going to be very curious to see how the hobblin' twosome, Coral/Evan, manage to compete in the future challenges.  They're teasing like the two of them are going to forfeit, but I don't think it's going to happen.

The Scoreboard:

Teams:
Cristin's Blue Iguanas: Katie/Eric; Johanna/Jesse; Tonya/Johnnie; Theo/Chanda; Shane/Linette
Dan's Green Monkeys: Coral/Evan; Melinda/Ryan; Tina/Kenny; Darrell/Aviv; Derrick/Diem

Dan's old total:33

Dan's new total: 37

Last night, the Project Runwayites were told that they would be designing an outfit "inspired by one of America's favorite fashion accessories." I, of course, immediately think they're talking about boobs– speculation runs through the contestants as well, one of whom decides that they must be talking about horses (?) and shows up at the central park ho-down wearing jodphurs. Not mentioning any names… Laura.

Instead, Tim Gunn crests the hill lead by a pack of dogs, none of which tip the scales at any more than 7 pounds. Here's where my heart starts beating dramatically and I begin praying that one of my tifaux-assigned designers will get kicked off so I can write today's recap because it INVOLVES TINY PUPPIES THAT ARE SO EFFING CUTE.

Tim instructs each designer to pick a dog that will act as their muse. Jeffrey quickly points out that everyone basically chose a dog-version of themselves, which is fun, considering he picked a stumpy corgi.

 Jeffrey, minus the neck tattoos.

The challenge issued is to create a story around the dog involving what kind of woman would own the dog– what she wears, and how she dresses her dog. I'm going to go ahead and assume that none of the designers actually own dogs (we know this for sure with Laura, who said all of her "emotional energy" was spent on her five boys, leaving no room for puppy love) because they all came up with slight variations on the same woman:

"Send help. And, some donuts." ~Tinkerbell Hilton

The designers went off shopping for their various fake women, described in varying terms from "a fashionista," "a fun party girl," "a park avenue princess who just checked into rehab," and "a british art camp headmistress." (That's Angela on the last one there. I'd talk about what a waste of the gift of human life that woman is, but it just gives me rage). The design montage features Bradley having "time management" issues and pondering whether or not he'll have to send nothing out in front of the judges on the runway show that, blissfully, falls on his birthday, and Vincent making a tiny hat for his dog and then giggling maniacally for about twenty minutes. Bradley pulls his outfit apart and puts it back together several times while Laura, Alison, and The Guy That Looks Like Kanye West all make stunning outfits and Katherine the Hobbit makes a lime sherbet colored… thing. Keith takes a badass Damn The Man attitude and elects to not dress his dog because he doesn't think "his woman" would be the kind of person who dresses her dog. Yeah, that'll go over huge with Heidi.

At the runway show, Bridesmaid Dress Taskmistress Vera Wang is still sitting in for Michael, and as a guest judge… can it be?

 Annie Hall mixed with Regis Philbin, but still hot.

Ivanka Trump! Be still my heart! Oh, and despite being a 2004 college graduate, she's currently a VP of Development. I certainly don't feel unaccomplished at all seeing that.

On the runway, Angela makes a huge, raging ass of her trainwreck Camp Headmistress story, Bradley is complimented and appears visibly relieved (happy birthday! now get a haircut) and Katherine is taken to task for her uninspired and poorly constructed dress. In the end, Uli and her pug take it home, disappointing Alison and securing immunity for next week. It comes down to Katherine and Angela and I cross my fingers for a patented reality tv double-elimination, but schlumpy katherine has to take the long walk of shame back to her hobbit hole.

In a 16-year-old story just now coming to my attention, it seems that Greg Kinnear invented America's Funniest Home Videos. Why didn't we know that? According to his buddy and lawyer John A. Marder, "Greg is a very level guy, but I have never seen him more emotionally upset than by what happened with 'America’s Funniest Home Videos.'" This was just a footnote in a New York Times article about Mr Marder's crusade to protect writers whose ideas are stolen by Hollywood, so there weren't many details. I gather that Mr. Kinnear–who at the time AMHV premiered was hosting the "Double Dare"-type game show "College Mad House"–sued ABC for stealing his idea and won on appeal. I can't find any more information about the lawsuit but rest assured I will get to the bottom of it.