Previously: Jason ruins new years, LC ruins the headband industry, and MTV ruins whatever social life I once had. Even though BookTV and My Parents Having Sex are getting close to edging out The Hills on the big list of Viewing Pleasures I Dream of Treating Myself To, I can't stop watching. $100k liberal arts education gone to pot. Ah well, away we go with yet another filler episode that won't involve ANY accidental pregnancies OR Heidi getting fired. Le sigh.

After another boring title ripped straight from what will, sadly, be the most emotional moment of this episode ("You can't just be with me?") we open on an intern confab with Editrix Love, who tells Team WhitneyLC that they'll be selecting 17-20 year old boys for a swimsuit shoot. They giggle like little fashion school girls before Love instructs "Behave accordingly." (read: Whitney, you continue to be the perfect example of well roundedness and responsibility. LC, you devote the best years of your life to a dog tag-wearing, bling-loving, frosted-tips rocking waste of human life. Everyone clear?) Meanwhile, Heidi's at work (issue #90: How, how, how is she still gainfully employed? Someone who cannot spell W-2 shouldn't be allowed to fill one out), learning that she'll be working LAX by herself that night, hopefully laying down in front of some F-18s. Oh wait, they mean LAX, the only club in the greater LA area. Right. Well, a girl can dream, can't she?

Whitney and LC scan modeling agencies for swimsuit models, stopping occasionally to wipe drool from their faces. They learn that the casting is going to be at Quixote studios! Ohmygawsh, that's where Audrina works! (Issue #91: this is in no way planned!) Whitney returns to licking the computer screen as LC remarks "want me to leave you alone for a little bit?" and misses the most obvious opportunity for a "double clicking your mouse" joke ever created. Step up your game, LC.

At LAX that night, LC blatantly lies to Jason's face about the gender of the models she'll be casting. Either that, or her parents never had the talk with her about how girl parts and guy parts are different. But, she just, lies! and stuff! Then later, she tells Heidi that she flat out lied! She's a lying liar! Luckily, she has the casting with Audrina and Whitney the next day, and will be way too busy working the polaroid (a-GAIN), telling guys to take their shirts off, and trying to set up her girls with some well-defined men. Audrina in particular hits it off with some model named (of course) brad, who later shows up at the restaurant Bella (issue #92: After which Heidi named her dog?) to interrupt a thrilling conversation about dudes in which LC claims she likes 'em a little "rough around the edges." Alllll the way around, that is.

At the Man Apartment, one of the Brads declares that he's gonna make a drink that mixes orange soda with orange gatorade! CRAZY, man! (issue #93: way to stay within the realm of the underage drinking laws, MTV!) while the other Brad decides it a good idea to inform Jason that LC spent her week man-hunting on TeenVoid's bill. Later on, during a laundry date with Heidi, he admits to spilling the beans before declaring LC and Jason's relationship "insecure and immature." Yes, BfB, whereas you were jealous of his dog tags. Mature, indeed.

In her car, LC spills to Whitney that she had forgotten to mention to Jason that she'd be looking at shirtless dudes that, despite saying things like "Yeah, I like LA, it's pretty cool and stuff" when in the casting chair, would still hold more promise than her current monosyllabic boy toy. "It wasn't that I was hiding it!" LC whines (issue #94: yes, it was). In a shockingly out of character move, Jason tells her he doesn't care about the boys and that she should ditch the pinnochio routine. LC is shocked by his entirely human behavior. Frankly, as am I.

Back at the Villa, LC gets a flower delivery and this time Heidi refrains from asking her if they're from her mom. The flowers direct her to the limo that takes her to the Standard Hotel where a dog tagged Jason is waiting to whisk her away to a flower and candle (issue #95: fire hazard!) filled room. Though LC thanks him for the gesture, when asked by Jason how she'd like to spend the rest of her birthday she answers, in sequence, with phrases such as "whatever you want," "it's up to you," "I don't care," "Whatever," and "I'll do whatever, I don't care." They close out her 20th birthday staring blankly at a television from the hotel bed.

Shit! It's quarter to five! I have an unprecedented amount of work (not unmanageable, or even worrisome — just not normal)! My computer died this weekend! I thought I had meningitis but I think it was just the heat! And… there are no posts on TiFaux!

Dan is Up North (traveling) and Cristin is Between Jobs (literally, not euphemistically) and Kyle is Living in the Future (six hours), and so it's really all up to me today. I will do my best.

• Heroes will be available free on iTunes in September. It is also a hefty 52 minutes, running with fewer commercials thanks to Nissan. Needless to say, these pieces of information mean almost nothing, but I am unreasonably excited about them anyway.
• I wrote a post on 02138. I will find a way to mention The Prestige here, too. (See what I just did? Awesome.)
• Ed Helms is going to be a regular on The Office next year. This almost never happens to me anymore, especially not since I put an end to my acting career after I had a role in a musical where people kept telling me they were so surprised at how I actually sang, but I'm kind of jealous of anyone who gets cast in The Office.
• Heather Havrilesky, my favorite TV critic, wants to know the best shows to watch on DVD. I voted for Lost, which I just finished. Thoughts?
• Is Hook (on TV this past weekend) massively underrated, or do I just think that because I was a kid when I watched it repeatedly? And cried? Repeatedly?