Previously: Um, apparently there was some episode where Heidi and her Bf broke up and I tifauxd it and really, really intended to watch it but, you know, I don't care. Though I am happy that Heidi had the stones to drop the little bitch. Gentlemen, while it's okay to have feelings (sometimes…) it's not okay to cry when a girl is breaking up with you. If you get back together, she's always going to look at you as That Dude That Cried, and if you stay broken up, she's going to tell all of your friends you're That Dude That Cried. Just hold all of your emotions in until you're 50 and then take them out on the golf course or something.

Anyway, the LAST EPISODE. THE END (until season two of the hills which goddamn better be fashioned–get it?–around Heidi and Audrina's date who declared that his salad was like a party because if I have to watch LC and Jason communicate through blank looks any longer I'll cry).

In LC's voiceover, we learn that Whitney has been hooked up with a TeenVogue internship for the summer over on the east coast. (issue #96: Now THERE is a show I would watch. Who doesn't want to see Whitney chillin' in her Murray Hill sublet, going out to Turtle Bay and Sutton Place every night?) And LC and Jason are looking at what he best describes as "a killer summer rental." I guess I'm past the point where I have to wonder who's paying for all of this, right? I mean, how do Jason's parents sleep at night knowing the only productive thing their son has done all year is spread rogue strains of HPV and bottom out the stock in customized dog tags? This episode is called "Timing Is Everything," disappointingly proving that all of my emails suggesting they go with "the end of the world as we know it" and "sweet baby christ when will Tiara Girls be back on?" were ignored.

It's LA fashion week (whatever, New York junior), and editrix Love tells her intern lineup that LC's big job is getting tickets for the fashion shows Love wants to attend. Whitney's job is, you know, doing work that actually requires a brain stem. Over at Bolthouse, Heidi's boss is running down the list of shows he'll also be attending, and says that Heidi can tag along as well (issue #97: Who is this Jennifer Nicholson chick? Did Santino Rice not want to sign the release form or something? Also, issue #98: Heidi immediately calls her coworker to brag about the show tickets. And the coworker looks like a Shake N Bake version of Jessica Simpson. She's frightening).

LC strolls up to meet her Editrix and one of the NY editors of TeenVoid, who she graciously welcomes to her home state with a dopey grin (issue #99: We don't shake hands in Cali, huh?) LC is told to get two eleventh hour tickets to the show tonight and immediately launches into panic mode. She then tries to solve the crisis by going to the show's publicist without the names of the editors and whining repeatedly. Heidi and Audrina show up on the scene and offer to help, which they can't really do without the names of the editors, which LC is finally able to procure before promptly forgetting them. She chokes them out to the publicist (issue #100: How many people thought this was an Anna Wintour set up? I was on the edge of my seat! Show me the huge sunglasses, baby! It would have been way, way better to have LC be all "Anna someone? Anna Winter? Or something? MAN this headband is constricting!") The publicist tells LC that she's going to have to be faster than that if she wants to work in fashion (and, presumably, less dumb. Don't tell FIDM!)

At TeenVoid the next day, we get our last glance at Editor Blaine (farewell Blaine, we hardly knew ye… though we do now know that all it takes to be a fashion editor is the ability to ferry doe-eyed interns across a stark hallway, and all that is thanks to YOU!) who summons LC into Love's office, where she gets the "things were kind of rough there for a while back when you totally sucked at your job, but now you only a little suck so, good job and stuff" talk. (issue #101: LC is wearing a maternity dress over leggings at this point in time. So, yes, she's learned a lot). Then she drops the P bomb: LC has a chance to go to Paris and do Everything That Every Fashion Student Has Ever Wanted, Ever.

LC picks up a copy of ParisVogue on the way home, which she is reading (right-side-up, to my disappointment) when Heidi comes home. Heidi echoes Whitney's statements: LC has to go, chance of a lifetime, etc etc, before getting to Jason And The Killer Summer Rental. LC says that their relationship has been so up and down (is that what the kids are using as code for "emotionally abusive" these days?) but that they're finally at a really good place, and to leave now would mess things up. But no one dares to speak for Jason, so we have to go straight to the mumbler himself for his take on Operation French Fry.

In the Malibu House, Jason is quietly rocking out to his iPod, which he politely dislodges when his lady friend comes to call so that he can string together the longest series of words he's ever uttered about patio furniture and grills. When LC unloads the Paris news, Jason responds "whatever you do, I'll be there for you. You've always been there for me," in front of a shocked nation. I'm working on a theory that Jason saw advanced footage of the show and realized he was being The Biggest Douche Ever and decided to clean up his on-camera act. Or the dog tags somehow became magnetized and have repolarized his brain.

Heidi and Audrina lounge pool side talking about boys and how disposable they are. Great. One's all, I need a new guy! and the other's all, Me too! then the first one is all, Now that I'm finished with the complete works of Faulkner, I don't know what else to read this summer! and the other is all, I'm almost done with my copy of Ulysses and you can borrow it when I'm done!

Then we get our very last LC packing montage before she bids Heidi a fond farewell, declaring them best friends forever (Sorry, Lo, better luck next season!). MTV is riding out the PARIS OR JASON wave as much as possible, somehow assuming that the girl who hasn't made a single intelligent decision all season will pull out a clutch game time call. I say, no chance. But just for fun they throw in a "Love waiting at the airport to go to paris vs. Jason waiting at the beach house for LC to come over" montage that I desperately wish had voiceover commentary.

Jason: I wish I had some beef jerkey. That'd be totally killer.

Love: Did I forget to wash the conditioner out of my hair again? What was the name of that wrinkle cream blaine suggested? Why didn't my parents hug me more?

Jason: Know what's awesome? Gorillas and stuff. I wish I had one. It'd be all big and shit and have, like, huge arms and I could be all, Hey guys, come hang out with the gorilla, and everyone would be all, killer.

And, because MTV likes to run its programming schedule 7 minutes off for the express purpose of screwing with my DVR, my recording cut out at this exact moment. But, big shocker, she chooses to fill her summer with Jason instead of Her Future, just as I choose to fill my Tuesday nights with Drinking instead of LC. And that's all there is! Thank you, goodnight!

So, there's a network called Fuse.  It's a music network — I want to say it's Canadian — and apparently they're causing a to-do over a show called "Pants Off Dance Off."  It's like Club MTV (or The Grind) had a baby with Pop-Up Video and it was raised by HBO's Real Sex. 

The premise is simple, have a bunch of regular people dance and take off their clothes to popular music.  And feel gross doing it. 

This is basic cable, though, so the naughty bits aren't visible.  Apparently you can see a little more flesh on the Web site though. 

Not that I've looked.

Greetings from Chicago, folks.

Not a lot of time to write anything of substance, but I thought I'd pass along this link from People.com, interviewing Keith Michael from La Runway.  He seems to think he was never in the wrong.

Sad for him, I suppose.