I don't watch Dancing With The Stars.

Much.

I mean, if it's between that and cracking open a book, then maybe I'll give it a try, but I've only caught an episode here and there.  In any case, the new season is going to be starting soon and they've just announced the cast. 

It is quite the freakshow.

So, rather than just telling you who is going to be on it, I'll toy with you for a bit.  Get out a piece of paper.  Seriously.  Do it.

I can wait here all day.

Okay?  Good.  Now, I'll give you groups of three and you have to guess which person is going to be on.   The answers are after the jump.

1.  The foxy African American female: Jada Pinkett-Smith, Vivica A. Fox, Aisha Tyler.

2.  Male political pundit:  James Carville, Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson.

3.  Female High School Musical star:  Ashley Tisdale (Sharpay), Vanessa Anne Hudgens (Gabriella), Monique Coleman (Taylor).

4.  Female country singer:  Sara Evans, Wynnona Judd, Jo Dee Messina. 

5.  Female pop singer:  Willa Ford, Hayley Duff, Cassie.

6.  Has-been actor: Corbin Bernsen, Harry Hamlin, Billy Baldwin.

7.  Saved By The Bell alum:  Dustin Diamond, Mario Lopez, Elizabeth Berkley.

8. MTV reality star:  Meet the Barker's Shanna Moakler, Laguna Beach's Kristin Cavallari, There and Back's Ashley Parker Angel.

9.   Retired NFL player: Emmit Smith, Joe Montana, Boomer Esiason

10.  Male talk show host: Phil Donahue, Montel Williams, Jerry Springer.

11.  Male 80s TV star: Ben Savage, Joey Lawrence, Jaleel White.

Got your answers?  Then proceed…

The Contenders

Veronica Mars, spunky teen with a dark past. Strengths: accents, computer savvy, and irresistible blond pixie cuteness. Weaknesses: bad boys, overly complicated capers, and an overprotective dad.

David Addison and Maddie Hayes, mismatched pair of bumbling detectives. Strengths: attractiveness, chemistry, preternatural ability to stumble on to the solution despite earlier lack of insight or ability. Weaknesses: all strengths lost when they actually hook up.

Adrian Monk, obsessive-compulsive ex-police officer. Strengths: attention to detail, excellent memory, and a crack team of helpers. Weaknesses: attention to detail, memory of wife's murder, and fear of everything.

Jessica Fletcher, kindly woman writer of a certain age. Strengths: ability to appear totally harmless, and twelve freaking years on the air. Weaknesses: constant barrage of crime everywhere she goes seems suspicious.

Shawn Spencer, irresponsible gadabout with daddy issues. Strengths: charm, the zoomy-eye thing, ability to act psychic. Weaknesses: borderline narcissist personality disorder, and no one watches his show yet.

The Match

Monk easily annihilates Shawn Spencer in the first round, though Spencer nearly disqualified himself for excessive mugging. Monk then takes down the Moonlighting duo, who are too busy trading zingers to give the bout their all. But in the next round he's bested by Jessica Fletcher, who distracts him by a devious mismatched-buttons ploy. And then it's Fletcher versus Mars. Veronica pulls an All About Eve and asks Jessica to tell her stories about the old days. While Jessica's distracted, Veronica hacks into the social security database and erases any evidence that Jessica ever existed.

The Winner

Veronica Mars

The Loser

Maggie, for having way too much time on her hands