Last grasps for C-list fame
Posted by Dan
August 14th, 2006 at 02:39pm
In Guilty Pleasures News Reality
I don't watch Dancing With The Stars.
Much.
I mean, if it's between that and cracking open a book, then maybe I'll give it a try, but I've only caught an episode here and there. In any case, the new season is going to be starting soon and they've just announced the cast.
It is quite the freakshow.
So, rather than just telling you who is going to be on it, I'll toy with you for a bit. Get out a piece of paper. Seriously. Do it.
I can wait here all day.
Okay? Good. Now, I'll give you groups of three and you have to guess which person is going to be on. The answers are after the jump.
1. The foxy African American female: Jada Pinkett-Smith, Vivica A. Fox, Aisha Tyler.
2. Male political pundit: James Carville, Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson.
3. Female High School Musical star: Ashley Tisdale (Sharpay), Vanessa Anne Hudgens (Gabriella), Monique Coleman (Taylor).
4. Female country singer: Sara Evans, Wynnona Judd, Jo Dee Messina.
5. Female pop singer: Willa Ford, Hayley Duff, Cassie.
6. Has-been actor: Corbin Bernsen, Harry Hamlin, Billy Baldwin.
7. Saved By The Bell alum: Dustin Diamond, Mario Lopez, Elizabeth Berkley.
8. MTV reality star: Meet the Barker's Shanna Moakler, Laguna Beach's Kristin Cavallari, There and Back's Ashley Parker Angel.
9. Retired NFL player: Emmit Smith, Joe Montana, Boomer Esiason
10. Male talk show host: Phil Donahue, Montel Williams, Jerry Springer.
11. Male 80s TV star: Ben Savage, Joey Lawrence, Jaleel White.
Got your answers? Then proceed…
Actual stars are in bold.
1. The foxy African American female: Jada Pinkett-Smith, Vivica A. Fox, Aisha Tyler.
2. Male political pundit: James Carville, Bill O'Reilly, Tucker Carlson.
3. Female High School Musical star: Ashley Tisdale (Sharpay), Vanessa Anne Hudgens (Gabriella), Monique Coleman (Taylor).
4. Female country singer: Sara Evans, Wynnona Judd, Jo Dee Messina.
5. Female pop singer: Willa Ford, Hayley Duff, Cassie.
6. Has-been actor: Corbin Bernsen, Harry Hamlin, Billy Baldwin.
7. Saved By The Bell alum: Dustin Diamond, Mario Lopez, Elizabeth Berkley.
8. MTV reality star: Meet the Barker's Shanna Moakler, Laguna Beach's Kristin Cavallari, There and Back's Ashley Parker Angel.
9. Retired NFL player: Emmit Smith, Joe Montana, Boomer Esiason
10. Male talk show host: Phil Donahue, Montel Williams, Jerry Springer.
11. Male 80s TV star: Ben Savage, Joey Lawrence, Jaleel White.
Oh my god. Tucker Carlson. Oh my god. Seriously, though, people, this is a lesson — do NOT piss off Jon Stewart. It’s a fast track to Dancing With the Stars.
Also, apparently don’t get yourself killed off of Veronica Mars, either. Aaron Echolls, I will be rooting for you. (Lisa Rinna [Logan's mom] was on a previous season of this show, too, right? Too lazy to look that up.)
Tucker Carlson. Oh my god. Will he wear the bow-tie, do you think?
I’m more alarmed at the prospect that Vivica A. Fox, Sara Evans, Willa Ford, and Shanna Moakler will (presumably, hopefully) be sharing a dressing room. Imagine the bitchery. It’ll be even worse than when Joey Lawrence and Mario Lopez get into it.
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