The cleanest garbage I’ve ever seen

Posted by Maggie August 17th, 2006 at 10:25am In Project Runway

Last night's Project Runway will be remembered as the Project Runway that took the plunge into bitterness, enmity, and bad calls. Also, garbage. Not to say it wasn't fun, mostly, but by the end I felt uncomfortable, like here was a group of people who genuinely did not get along. Here are the highlights, if you can call them that.

Everyone looks pretty bad at 5 AM. Except for Tim Gunn. Laura wears her riding outfit again, which causes Alison to say, "Good thing you're wearing your riding outfit, in case it's horses." Which I sincerely think is Alison digging on Laura's stupid riding outfit, and the extreme unlikelyhood that "it" will ever be "horses." Go Alison.

Kayne admits to "dumpster diving" in his "white trash" youth. I love you, Kayne. 

Laura boogies. In Laura's only likeable moment in the entire episode, she mockingly "gets down" while Michael beat-boxes. Laughing, Michael pulls her arms down and tells her to stop. It's nice that someone still gets along with her, I suppose.

Back at Parsons, Kayne and Robert snark about Laura. At first, I wondered if they were too harsh, considering that as far as we've seen Laura hasn't ever spoken to Robert. But then later Laura's true nature, which takes the form of a three-headed hellhound that thirsts for the blood of its enemies, revealed itself.

Vincent keeps talking about how his hideous travesty of a dress "turns him on." He says it at least three times, and once to the judges. I think he means it literally, too. Which is so gross and yet more evidence of his terrible taste. 

Laura bitches on Kayne's ugly dress. Kayne knows it's ugly. Kayne has no illusions here. It's lime green and wrinkly. I think I may have actually made that dress during recess once in second grade. But Laura telling him it's ugly — and insulting his taste — is completely uncalled for. Kayne, quite rightly, puts her in her place.

Michael Kors loves Trompe d'Oeil. Preview of Jeffrey's next runway show: his model wearing nothing but a sandwich board on which is painted a heavily distressed dress.

Michael wins again. I am happy that Michael seems to be getting the recognition he deserves, but I actually think Jeffrey should've won this one. Not only was his dress really cool and a great use of material, but Jeffrey really needed this win. Yet another way in which everyone on this show is starting to spiral into frustration and hate.

Alison loses. There was some sort of sexist thing going on, where they kept saying they were so shocked that she, "as a female designer," made such an unflattering dress. So it would've been okay if she were a dude? (Oh, and earlier, Tim called her model zaftig. Tim, rocking the vocab.) Clearly Vincent is insane and his dress is a hideous travesty. This decision makes no sense.

The inevitable finally occurs. Laura's boob falls out of her dress. It was as disturbing as you might expect. There appeared to be some sort of bandaid. I don't want to talk about it. 

The boob incident takes place during Alison's goodbye. During which Laura unnecessarily (seeing as everyone just saw the same runway show) rips on Vincent's hideous travesty of a dress. Once again, Kayne seems like the only person able to deal with Laura, and says, "I'm not telling you to hush…" while telling her to hush. See above re: Kayne, my feelings toward.

The shocker of the week. Angela keeps her mouth shut and out of everyone else's business. Oh wait, except for that part where she kept answering Heidi's rhetorical questions on the runway at the beginning. That was awkward.