Project Runway: Turn this mother out.

Posted by Dan August 24th, 2006 at 03:05pm In Polls Project Runway

Jefferey still hates Angela.  And her children.  And her children's children.  (And, as we later learn, her mother.)  He's still smarting from the loss of Alison, who he called one of his greatest friends in the competition.  He says that Angela should have been defending her crap garment.  It's all very odd because Angela really didn't have much of a role in the way last week's episode ended.  But it seems to make Jefferey feel better just to channel all of his aggression in her direction.  It's tiring.

There are eight designers left and I'm a little surprised when I see the designers lined up in two tiny rows of four.  This is the halfway point — can you believe Vincent and Angela are still in it?

Heidi comes up, says the same shit she always says, and then they reveal what Angela was flipping out over in the teaser.  And, yes, the surprise actually warrants that big of a reaction.  Instead of the usual procession of black-clad waifs, out comes a collection of older, decidedly non-waify women: moms and sisters of the designers. 

Heidi picks names out of a bag to determine who gets who and this is the way it breaks down:

Michael — Robert’s sister.
Laura — Jeffrey’s mother.
Vincent — Uli’s mother.
Angela — Laura’s mother.
Kayne — Michael’s mother.
Uli — Kayne’s mother.
Robert — Vincent’s sister.
Jeffrey — Angela’s mother.  Awesome.

Back at the work stations, Tim announces that everyone needs to pack up their stuff and get their permission slip filled out because they're going on a field trip.  Their destination: Tavern on the Green where Michael Kors and his mother are waiting with bottles of champagne and munchies.  Michael and his mom are dressed the same and have the same crazy sunglasses look going on.  In their first two seconds on screen, they confirm everything anyone's ever said about gay men and their mothers.

During the fete, Michael Kors (I can't seem to call him just Michael or Mr. Kors — only Michael Kors) and Laura are sitting next to each other with their mothers in tow.  "Laura," Michael Kors says to Mother Kors, "has five children."

"Working on my sixth," Laura says with uncharacteristic timidity.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" her mother says (with her eyes).  Mama Bennett picks her jaw up off the floor, puts it back in, and explains that that this is news to her.  Laura interviews that she found out she was pregnant soon after she the competition started and, in a genuinely hilarious moment, looks off-camera and reveals that she hasn't even told her husband and this whole situation is ridiculous. 

"I'll just put it on the pile with all the rest," she says, dryly.

She redeems herself for acting like a drunken debutante all of last episode.

They go back to the workshop and do their consultations.  Right away, Jefferey is not getting along with another generation of Keslar women.  He doesn't like her ideas, she doesn't like his.  Everyone knows where this is going.

They go shopping and start work.  When Jefferey returns with his colors, Angela's mom keeps mum about her opinions until Tim Gunn comes over to ask her opinion (while Jefferey is off, presumably, doing gross things to his eyebrows).  When Jefferey comes back and joins them, Tim informs him of the bad news: she hates them.  Jefferey's patience is paper-thin at this point and seems say everything with an "But I Don't Care What You Think" tone.

Things get more and more awkward, Angela tries to help but just ends up stirring the pot.  Jefferey's mom, who had previously interviewed about how proud she was of him turning his life of addiction around, tries to calm things down and manages a tentative truce.

Angela seems to be a chip off the old block when it comes to becoming a victim.  However, whereas Angela will lash out, her mom crumbles.  For Jefferey, this results in a massive PR debacle of Tom Cruise/Mel Gibson proportions.  It's rule one of not being an asshole: when someone's mom is around you act nice even if you're normally not.  (Hi Maggie's mom, reading me swearing up and down.  Nervous laughter.) 

Flash forward to the runway: 

The judges seem to hate all but three of the designs: Vincent's, Uli's and Michael's. 

Uli's Mom: By Vincent.

And the winner is: Vincent?  For the love of God.  The man with the perma-wince and crappy frocks actually manages to trick everyone into thinking he's made the best dress.  I think it was obvious, and apparently Tim Gunn agrees, that Uli's garment was superior.  The beads are a bit incense-booth-at-Lilith-Fair, but she made a really flattering garment on a much more challenging figure.

Kayne's Mom: By Uli.

So, in the end, it's Jefferey and Robert. Turns out that Angela's mom's concerns were valid, as Jefferey's dress outfit is some sort of slapped-together blob of shmatas that makes her look like a newly divorced substitute art teacher who sneaks into the supply closet to cry amongst the acrylic paints every hour on the hour.  It's true.

Robert, who did Vincent's sister, didn't fare much better.  He basically wrapped her in some black fabric and gave her some sort of red cardigan/shawl/kimono/something to wear over it.  It was more than unflattering, it was boring.

As a result, Robert is given a (somewhat overdue) boot.   Weirdly enough, Jefferey is getting all emotional backstage saying that not all of the designers are good people, but Robert is one of the keepers.  Kayne is obviously devastaed and says something southern about his sunshine being taken away (and breaking my heart).  If I'm not mistaken, even Tim Gunn looked a little ferklemped.

So, before I wrap up, one more thing: do you think Kayne and Robert would make a cute couple?  I don't know.  Robert's a little older (he's 36, Kayne's 27), but nothing too severe.  They just seem to get along so well, it kind of seems natural.  Since I'm so big on surveys this week, let me know what you think.

[?php jal_democracy(34); ?]