John, hi. Long time listener, first time writer. Right off the bat, let me say I celebrate your entire catalogue. Granted, I was forced to when my college boyfriend did the whole "hey I got you tickets to a concert that I really want to see for your birthday!" thing to celebrate my graceful entry to my twenties, but that is neither here nor there. I accept your ridiculous name changing and your acquiring and dismissing of jungle cat monikers, and that you are Indiana's answer to Bon Jovi. What I do not accept, however, is your new Chevy commercial.

 Take that pirate shirt off right now, John. That, you have to earn.

You know the one I speak of, right? You're singing that little tune "Our Country" and when you do the line "from the east coast/ to the west coast" you do a series of hand motions that exactly replicate the ones my 3rd grade class did when we hit the "from california/ to the new york island" line in "This Land Is Your Land." Did you get to see the final cut of this before they put it on the air? I'm guessing that Chevy would send a copy of it over as a courtesy, but just in case it got lost among the mounds of denim shirts and cowboy hats at your casa, I transcribed the scenes for you.

People waving hats –> cars driving –> an auto factory–> vinyl records –> beach party –> hula-hooping –> You, John, tastefully shot playing the acoustic guitar –> Rosa Parks –> babies on the beach –> suburban bike riding –> Muhammad Ali –> Vietnam –> hippies –> march on washington –> Martin Luther Kind Jr –> More hippies –> Nixon –> a cowboy –> Chevy logo –> you playing more guitar –> a forest fire –> Nascar    –> a hurricane blowing the roof of a house off –> New Orleans post-Katrina –> houses for poor people –>   a caravan of Chevy trucks –> a house raising –> pillars of light from Ground Zero –> Red Rock –> firemen   –> cowboys –> babies –> wheat –> Chevy logo –> cowboy

Quite the little lineup of images they have playing over your song there, John. I don't recall Bob Seger agreeing to any of this emotionally manipulative shit when Chevy was still using "Like a Rock." How did this happen? Were you the third choice after the theme song from "Team America: World Police" and that Toby Keith "We'll put a boot in your ass/ it's the american way" song? Even though I was born in a Small Town filled with Little Pink Houses where Jack & Diane live, I still know how to R.O.C.K in the USA, John, and this commercial does NOT make me want to do so. It doesn't even Hurt So Good, friend, it just Hurts.

Maybe next time you could make sure the contract guarantees your songs to be used along with photos of kids with cancer, abused puppies, and the coffins of soldiers being returned from Iraq coupled with shots of amber waves of grain, baseball, and republicans soliciting twelve year olds on the internet, because I think that would really drive home Chevy's point about what it means to be American. Thanks for listening, John.

Love,

CRISTIN.