Archive for February, 2007

Tonight on the TiFaux: All Lost, All the Time

hurley.jpgA few other things are on, but I'm only watching Lost. (Fine. Those other things are Jericho, American Idol, and Friday Night Lights. Have fun.) It's a Hurley episode, and his father is played by Cheech. Hurley's episodes are very strange (the lottery? the imaginary Evan Handler?), even for this show. And something about the whole "fat guy is always comic relief" idea doesn't seem that well-thought-out to me. Anyway, Lost. It is what it is.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: PBS is showing the finale of America's Ballroom Challenge, which sounds like a classier version of So You Think You Can Dance and Strictly Ballroom mashed together. In other words: Possibly amazing.

February 28th, 2007

Live! From the front seat

Here's something for you to do.

The Jeannie Tate Show is a fake talk show filmed in a minivan by a soccer mom (read: hyperactive comedienne).  The show's first guest is SNL's Bill Hader.

2 comments February 28th, 2007

The More You Know: Nightmare edition

Last night I had a dream that I was in high school and in order to graduate I had to sing a song and play the guitar in front of the entire school.  I was freaking out. 

4 comments February 28th, 2007

The Soviet Union Will Rise Again!

Is anyone else a little underwhelmed by our current 24 uber-baddie Gredenko? Every time he talks about bringing back the glory of the Soviet Union I can’t help thinking that his goals are suspiciously similar to this clip from The Simpsons

4 comments February 27th, 2007

Tonight on the TiFaux: Whodunnit revealed!

Is it too much of a cliché to say there's a new sheriff in town?


Veronica knows, or will know very, very soon who killed Dean O'Dell. I am really excited, but not nearly as excited as I was for seasons one and two finales. There's something about committing to a whole year of a mystery that makes the payoff more satisfying. Anyway, my final thought is… I have no idea. I think Lucky Tim was the one bugging Landry, though, and that he's going to come through with some clutch info at the last minute. Maybe… Cliff did it? Seriously, I don't know. I'm hoping it's not Mindy or Landry, or if it's them it's for some crazy unexpected reason. Maybe it was the Dean's troubled son?

And before that, Gilmore Girls hopefully continues going strong, though I deeply fear that we'll be seeing more of Lane's Non-Comically Oversized Baby Tummy.

American Idol shoves out House again, sadly, as does the new show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader, which… is kind of a great idea. Don't tell anyone I said so. 

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: I'm not really trying here, because I expect you all to watch Veronica. FX is showing 13 Going on 30, which I've always been morbidly curious about. Hey, whaddya know, Dirt is still airing new episodes. And I've got five words for you: Andrew McCarthy, Hallmark Original Movie. It's called Straight from the Heart. Isn't Andrew McCarthy due for a McDreamy-style comeback some time soon?

3 comments February 27th, 2007

Top Design? Good enough for now.

So, Top Design.  Let's just dive right in, shall we?

First of all, I knew I was going to watch this show beginning to end before it even premiered.  If there is a reality show that involves an elimination aspect, you've already got my interest.  But when you put the Bravo homo spin on the whole thing, it's basically required by law that I watch it.  And since Project Runway doesn't appear to be coming anytime soon, Top Design is a good enough methadone.

top_design_cast_01.jpgIs it any good?  Yes, it's alright.  I'm not going to say it's wonderful, but it's probably not as bad as everyone says it is.  If Project Runway is gourmet, authentic tiramisu and Top Chef is a freshly baked Mrs. Fields cookie, Top Design is probably some sort of Sara Lee or Entemann's treat.  Not exactly my first choice, but you better believe I'm going eat that shit in its entirety. 

I'm sure you know the premise without me having to tell you — it's Project Runway with interior designers.  Todd Oldham is the host and while he is immensely likable, he has a stilted, book report-y delivery that makes his discomfort evident.  It makes you appreciate how good and poised Heidi Klum actually is.  The cast is rounded out by head judge Jonathan Adler, a woman named Kelly Wearstler and the woman from Elle Decor.  I'm sure you'd know all about them if you were into interior design, but for our purposes they are just Thing 1 and Thing 2. 

One of my favorite parts of the judging portion of the show is that after they inspect the rooms, Jonathan Adler smiles that fakey kind of smile that you recognize from parties.  It's like you're talking to someone and you know that the moment you walk away they're going to start talking about your flaws.

My favorite designer and, in my estimation, the show's frontrunner is Goil ("like gargoyle").  As far as his design goes, he's very Verne Yip-y in that he tends toward the minimal, but personally he seems to be the most humble and easygoing of the bunch. 

Other memorable contestants include:

John, who Bravo hyped as a boundary-breaker for being only the second HIV-positive person ever to go on a reality show — but, unfortunately, he forgot to give one of his rooms a floor and was promptly eliminated in the second episode.

Michael, John's arch nemesis (yes, he got an arch nemesis within two episodes), who appears to be an egg-y Harry Potter.  He is currently trying to deny he is not afraid of paint and manual labor.

Ryan, the bad boy who literally skateboarded into the house with artsy bravado. Last week we said a rather unjust goodbye to Felicia who made the mistake of putting a depressing Roseanne Connor-style afghan on her client's bed.  It was either her or Ryan, but they chose to keep Ryan because he's loud and a magnet for conflict (read: better TV than the wallflowery Felicia).

One of the eliminated contestants, Lisa Turner, really reminds me of a cartoon character but I can't remember who.  I want to say it's a Flintsone, Jetson or someone of the Hanna Barbera oeuvre. Then again, my friend John pointed out that perhaps I'd been thinking about X-Men's Storm all along. 

wearstler.jpgAnd, speaking of chicks with crazy hairdos, what the hell was up with judge Kelly Wearstler's (right) hair on last week's episode?  She's normally a hottie, but this particular fashion choice was — how should I put it — truly outrageous.

Finally, someone needs to say something about it (and I'm sure people have — at length), Top Design has the single worst catchphrase on television.  I swear to God.  When someone is auffed, Jonathan Adler says "See you later, decorator."  I'm not bullshitting you.  It's sure as hell no "You're out."  It's not even a "Please pack your knives and go" — which, really, should be re-examined as well.

February 27th, 2007

The More You Know: Thrifty edition

Guess who got a new messenger bag for 90% off.

  • Alan Ball’s post-Six Feet Under series for HBO will feature Anna Paquin as a vampire. The whole thing is set in a world where vampires can make Japanese-made synthetic blood. I have no idea if this will be good or not.
  • Kristin from E! Online has the video scoop about Studio 60. If you don’t want to watch it, here’s the deal: if The Black Donnellys does as well as Studio 60 does in its old time slot, Studio 60’s gone. The difference between the two series is that TBD is much less expensive to produce. Time to prepare yourself.
  • As previously reported, Mitch Hurwitz (the creator of Arrested Development) will have a new show called the The Thick of It. The pilot will be directed by none other than Christopher Guest.
  • Dave Foley is going to host an NBC improv series.
  • It’s really surprising how many people like taking naked pictures of themselves. And then audition for American Idol.
  • Kristen Bell interviews with TV Guide. I am not allowing myself to read it, so I can’t tell if its interesting or not.
  • Brigitte Nielson’s British “extreme” reality show is massively fucked up. For the record, I’m against anything that sells itself as “extreme.”

1 comment February 27th, 2007

Tonight on the TiFaux: Memory, All Alone in the Moonlight

HIMYM brings us a flashback episode tonight. There's something so cheap and dirty about the fun of flashbacks. I always like watching them, but I feel all wrong about it. Usually flashbacks only show up once we've developed an attachment for the characters, so seeing them dressed funny/acting young/being ironic about their plans and their futures will always make us smile because we know better now, and the shows know that. But it's hard to find a flashback that's more than those easy jokes.

Everybody Hates Chris is like a series that's entirely a flashback. I'm okay with that, though. 

Who is this? No, really?

Jack has to go see EVIL PRESIDENT LOGAN tonight on 24. I can only hope this means that Martha Logan's just around the corner.

Heroes is being strangled, beaten, and ripped limb from limb by the NBC promo department. Please, please give it a rest, people. I know they're all excited that people seem to like it, but they are very close to ruining the show. Some stuff happens with Bennet tonight, as Dan pointed out.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: The Black Donnellys premieres tonight in Studio 60's spot. I'm not going to watch it (ugh, Haggis), I'm just glad it's there. 

February 26th, 2007

When they start implanting microchips into people’s brains, I’ll be the first in line

heroes internet.jpgTonight's episode of Heroes promises to be pretty HRG-intensive, as we find out how the whole Parkman/Radioactive Guy/Internet Woman hostage situation goes down.  This newfound coalition among the three heroes is kind of fun — I enjoy the motley assortment — but it is kind of weird how two of the three of them (Radioactive Guy and Internet Woman) have superpowers that are functionally useless except for very specific situations.

But I'm finding myself a little more obsessed with Internet Woman.  Now, I don't think she's quite as ridiculous as Nikki/Jessica (and I don't want to see her summarily killed like N/J), but as far as superpowers go: lame-o.  When they introduce new Heroes, I always use Nathan Petrelli as a yardstick for superpowers.  Are superpowers more, less or equally as awesome as the power of flight?  For instance:

  • Invisibility – Equally awesome
  • Invincibility – More awesome
  • Bending time/space – More awesome
  • Mind-reading – Equally awesome
  • Melting metal – Less awesome
  • Painting the future – Less awesome 

While being able to access the Internet is indeed a cool trick, as a superpower it's on par with "always has a pen when somebody needs one" or "makes unparalleled peanut butter cookies."

In terms of sheer practicality, this might be a kind of useful superpower to have for the layman.  I'd totally love to have technology implanted in my head.  You'd never be lost because you can just Mapquest it.  Movie reservations would be way easy.  You can be sitting in a boring-ass staff meeting and afterwards you can just say, "Well that was fun, I just posted ten pages of Lost fan fiction on a message board."

It'll be interesting to see how Internet Woman makes use of her gift.  I'm inclined to think that, realistically, having the Internet in your head all day would be pretty distracting.  Like, on the next episode, HRG will break away from Parkman, steal his gun and shoot Radioactive Guy (who, by the way, kind of looks like a homeless Michael C. Hall), and when Parkman asks why she didn't do anything she just says "Oh, sorry about that.  But guess who just won her eBay auction?!"

PS – I realize it's annoying for me to refer to these people as Internet Woman and Radioactive Guy — but I have some sort of learning disability when it comes to remembering character names.  If you recall my previous inability to remember that Matthew Perry's character on Studio 60 was named "Matt." 

2 comments February 26th, 2007

The Oscars: Highlights Having Nothing to do with the Awards

Of course I'm happy The Departed/Marty won. But there were a few genuinely amusing moments during last night's Oscars that had little if anything to do with the films and people nominated. They're the reason the telecast was ohmygod four hours long, but they made me smile.

In particular, there was Will Ferrell and Jack Black on not being Oscar material. In song. 

I also liked the sound effects choir and Tom Hanks making fun of Chris Connelly. What do you think? Any other bright spots in the endless, pointless pageantry?

Also, we saw the suicidal robot ad again, and they changed the ending. Weak, GM. If you're going to have an extremely offensive suicidal robot, don't water it down. Just go for it.

1 comment February 26th, 2007

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