Previously: Heidi turns 20, and gives herself–and all of us, really– the gift of making Audrina cry.

Our first poolside shot of the season! Show of hands–How many were hoping for Heidi in the princess leia gold bikini? Really? Alright then. You can come close in Stuff magazine, where the Heidster is making her own hills come alive (wait, did that joke make any sense?), referring to Spencer as her boyfriend/ manager (taking a chapter from Celine Dion’s book is always a good idea), and positioning herself as the next “very sexual” Pussycat Doll/ Gwen Stefani/ Fergi. Excuse me while I pre-order that from Amazon. Don’t laugh, I bought Lindsay Lohan’s little sister’s Christmas album this year. Yeah, you heard me. Back at the pool, LC comments that part of her wants to tell Brody that they should just be friends. “It bums me out, it’s like Jason broke me.” Along with about 15 laws relating to the possession of a controlled substance, but whatevs. To make her feel better, Heidi says that she and spencer are now “more secure in our relationship.” Which, I suppose, is a good reason for her to meet up with Audrina. Either that, or she’s looking for someone to fill this month’s quota for Vacant Stares and Incomplete Sentences.

At Bolthouse, Heidi asks for two days off to visit home for her mom’s birthday, and is granted permission by her ever-fashionably-disheveled boss. Once back at her desk, Assistant Max (who, to my knowledge, we’ve never heard from– Hi Max! Welcome aboard!) calls Heidi from his desk– which appears to be about 15 feet away in the same open room–and tells her that he got given the What For regarding the office dress code and that even thought Heidi “looks great and all,” he “{Doesn’t} know if it’s appropriate for office wear.” Couple things here, Max. Number one, you’re not a hot blonde chick who once told TeenPeople that she’s tried coke, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that you operate under a different set of regulations. Number two, she does nightclub PR, so that Ann Taylor Loft suit probably isn’t going to hack it, whereas the grecian white number she has on will. Number three, I’m sure if Capt Bolthouse had reason to take umbrage with her wardrobe, he would do so in front of no less than 20 people at the weekly staff meeting. Maybe you should concentrate on finishing that GED course instead of passive agressively trying to BRING MY GIRL DOWN.

Can I still pass for high school? Because I’m about to pull a Never Been Kissed following this Brooklyn Tech High School News article (via gawker, and friend-of-tifaux-sara):

MTV’s newest soon-to-be hit show is Brooklyn. The premise is to paint an accurate picture for America of what life is like for the average Brooklyn high school student…This is a show about America’s urban teenagers, the street savvy teenagers, the teenagers who have to grow up that much faster because if they don’t, the city will eat them alive. They will be real and they will be tough and ready for anything that comes their way or at least so they think.

Do they teach grammar and punctuation at that school? No? Didn’t think so.

Also:

“A cross between Harlem in its heyday and Paris, Brooklyn is the ultimate city within a city. In fact, if it weren’t already incorporated into New York City, Brooklyn would be the third biggest city in the country. It’s said that one out of every six Americans has had a parent or grandparent who lived in Brooklyn at some point.”

… from their AP course in Convenient Statistics.

Needless to say… I cannot freakin’ wait.

Lost is back!

Smile, it's good news!

In the category of things I will not be watching, there's Friday Light Nights and the Talent Show That Must Not Be Named.

Lost is back! 

I is the BFG. 

• Check out this YouTube clip of Jake Gyllenhaal wishing Ellen Degeneres a happy birthday on her show.  It's seriously enough for my novelty crush on Jake to spiral into a serious emotional problem.
• TV Squad describes the Ivy league track to TV comedy writing gigs.  And, by the way, regarding the last paragraph — Mr. Stewart may not have gone to school in New England, but he did go to the nation's best small public university. 
• In a bit of refreshing humility by an MTV reality Icon, Lauren Conrad says she doesn't want to act because "it’s not that fun, and I’m not that good at it."
• Project Runway 1 winner Jay McCarroll is the worst.  But that's not news. 
• This 'roid raging guy from Road Rules got kicked off for the second time for fighting. 
• You should really watch Angela Kinsey's behind-the-scenes video from the set of The Office.  Like now. 
• Remember that Janeane Garofalo pilot I talked about a long time ago where she's a public defender?  Well, Zack Morris is going to be on too. 
• The Washington Post does an online chat with the producers of the Puppy Bowl. 

Last night's episode of Veronica Mars featured a storyline about RU-486, the abortion pill, which is not the same thing at all as emergency contraception, otherwise known as the morning after pill. I was going to write a needlessly long and off-topic post about the differences between the two pills and the problems with calling one by the other's name, but I think I'm just going to try to let it go. The episode itself did not make the naming mistake, but the TV Guide summary, Time Warner's cable menu summary, and the episode title ("There's Got to Be a Morning After Pill") did. I guess there's not many puns out there that can use "RU-486."

And now I am letting it go.