The Hills are alive! Season 2, episode 5 recap

Posted by Cristin February 19th, 2007 at 07:24pm In MTV The Hills

Previously: Audrina is granted re-entry to the secret clubhouse, and the promise of a naked picnic lands Spencer in the dog house.

Audrina is back in the frey, currently aiding and abetting Heidi in SpencerGate 2006. Heidi recounts to the girls the story of how one of the playmates at Area called Spencer her "boo" (I'm sorry, what? Is it sophomore year again? Are we on the set of a Nelly video?) and said she had plans to hook up with him. Audrina breaks the news that Spencer had given her the same set of flowers he'd handed to Heidi, and Heidi gets the Big S on the horn in order yell "You brought my roses to her the next DAY!" via speakerphone. MTV, apparently having used up the month's quota for closed captioning on "Juvies," also known as The Least Interesting Show Ever Made, doesn't give us text on Spencer's response, and he could be reciting the Aenid for all I know. I mean, I'm guessing he isn't, but still. "Don't ever get involved in someone that can manipulate you like that," LC solemnly instructs.

Over at TeenVoid, I am happy to realize that they have the same office phones as my company! Hooray! I wonder if it also took them 7 months to learn how to adjust the ringer volume. I'm not sure if Whitney has complete control over this whole opposible thumbs thing, so, probably. Editrix Love tasks them with helping for a dinner for 20 young designers. Flying in from New York will be the NY editor and her intern. "She's supposed to be incredible," Love tells them. "She's really hardworking and she's worked on events before." And, we can assume, didn't ditch the chance to go to Paris to hang out with her cokehead boyfriend. NY Intern: 1, LC: 0. The girls leave with the jobs of updating a spreadsheet and hand writing notes for the dinner. LC's penmanship leaves much to be desired, so Whitney offers to serve as scribe. The girls ruminate about what NYIntern will be like, and LC postulates "If she's anything like {editor} Jane, she'll be very…" she trails off, making a chopping motion with her hands. Very what? Into beheadings? "Precise?" Whitney offers. "Yeah. That's so not me," LC answers. "Agreed," Whitney says. Oh snap! Love the unintentional insults.

Spencer calls Heidi while she's at work and pleads his case. "Why would I be calling you if I didn't want to be with you?" I don't know, because she's rich and pretty and has her own tv show? Because she gave it up to you on your second date? When Heidi tells him to figure out what he wants, he cleverly responds "I know what I want! I want Heidi!" after a quick glance at his cell phone screen to make sure that is, in fact, who he's talking to.

Back at TeenVoid, we get an extended shot of NYIntern's legs entering the building (her thighs don't touch. They don't even think about touching). She drops her purse on LC's desk and begins an intern confab about the upcoming dinner that leaves LC cowering in a puddle of self consciousness. As they head towards the florist, NYIntern (Emily Weiss, who is listed as a "contributor" on TeenVogue's masthead while LC and Whitney are… not) discusses flowers using more big words than I've ever heard, further lengthening the gap of Intern Competency between the two of them. The florist praises Emily for her extensive knowledge, and Emily casually mentions that she's carrying 18 credits at NYU (which is, you know, a real college, opposed to LC's fashion school) and also works one day a week at Chanel. LC is stunned into complete silence.

The girls meet up at Luna Park to assert to one another, and the world, that they are totally fine without boyfriends, despite what they write in their LiveJournals late at night."I wouldn't give up my singleness for ANYthing. The thought of love makes me want to throw up," states Heidi with conviction. "Me, too. I don't believe in love," agrees Jen, securing her spot as spokeswomen for the Why Don't We All Just Go Stag To The Prom It'll Be More Fun dateless girls of America. "The only time I miss having a boyfriend is when I have lots of groceries. I can't carry them all," LC adds.

Unwilling to allow her recent florist humiliation at the hands of NYEmily get her down, LC visits an ailing InternWhitney, recently sans-wisdom teeth, with flowers in hand. "She's, like, SuperIntern," LC says of Emily. Which could explain why Emily doesn't have time to create a MySpace page for me to make fun of. Sigh. Meanwhile, at Bolthouse, Heidi is a fetching boots and shorts combination and going back on her previous assertions of singledom: "I really miss Spencer. You don't choose who you love." Perhaps that's true, but you can choose to leave them when they cheat on you with Playboy bunnies. I think, anyway. I'd have to consult with the Oracle Whitney to really get a complete and succinct piece of wisdom on the topic.

At the TeenVoid dinner, LC has been shamed into speaking in whispers only, and comments "there's too many flowers," under her breath for, uh, no one to hear. Editor Jane blows in and declares that she loves the flowers, followed immediately by Editrix Love who, to the contrary, states that there are, in fact, too many flowers and has half taken away while Whitney and LC eye-smirk at one another. You showed them, girls! When one designer is a no show, Emily gets a seat and LC and Whitney get dismissed to dine at In and Out Burger. I guess you'll always have Paris, right, LC? Oh, wait… Meanwhile, Heidi is taking the long walk to meet up with Spencer, and the two ride off into a future full of pregnancy scares and infidelity together.

Next time: Spencer vs. LC cage match smack down.