The Hills are alive! Season 2, episode 6 recap

Posted by Cristin March 5th, 2007 at 10:11am In The Hills

Previously: NYIntern visits TeenVoid and proves that either LC is not great at her “job,” or the MTV editors seriously dislike her as a human being. Audrina, happy to be back in the sorority, offered up lots of happy tidbits about Spencer regifting flowers and being a general douche, but Heidi went back to him like a month to a flame. But a really pretty moth. To a seriously douchey flame.

We open at a cozy looking café, where Heidi casually announces her decision to give Spencer another chance. To LC’s credit, she doesn’t pull the Girlfriend Redaction and proclaim “that’s so great!” but sticks to her guns and maintains (accurately) that Spencer is crap. “I see so many qualities that Jason had in him,” she tells Heidi. “The awful hair, the poor understanding of basic grammar, the heinous accessories,” she continues. In my head. “I’m just gonna have fun and see what happens,” Heidi chirps but LC is not tryin’ to hear that, see. “I don’t want to talk about him. I won’t hang out with him,” she tells her best friend and roommate of her newly reinstated boyfriend. Where could this conflict be going?

Spencer awaits Heidi at Bread Bar, and greets her arrival with a wolf whistle and flowers. “I broke the piggy bank for those,” he comments of the stems, because there’s nothing more romantic than a trust fund baby with no job who leaves the price tags on all your presents. Heidi seems to appreciate them, though, and quickly relates to him the Lauren drama. “I wish I hadn’t been such a jerk to start out with,” Spencer laments. Well if Ifs and Buts were candy and nuts we’d all have a merry Christmas, Spence, so maybe you should think of that the next time you offer to have a naked picnic with a playmate. “I don’t think people get it. Heidi’s my number one,” he continues. Extraneous and oddly placed use of proper nouns! Everyone take a shot!

Back at home, Heidi hands the flowers off to LC saying that Spencer had bought them for her. “Is he going to give them to Audrina later?” LC responds quickly. Oh SNAP. Miss Jackson if you’re nasty! LC cuddles with the Cat With No Name Whose Presence Has Not Been Adequately Explained To Me before receiving a phone call. Since Viacomm *again* spent MTV’s closed captioning budget on casting people OTHER THAN MYSELF in VH1’s World Series of Pop Culture (fools!), I guess that it’s InternWhitney. I’m wrong. It’s Audrina, and she’s making dinner! The two have an interaction that is patently uninteresting.

Heidi decides that the best way to settle the war being waged between her best friend and boyfriend is to get them all into a situation with liquor and Other Pretty Girls. To Area we go! Audrina is there with her friend Clint who, insofar as I can tell, contributes nothing to the evening other than his fun name. Points to Clint’s mom. “I’m sick of fighting! Let’s have some fun!” Heidi announces, and her boyfriend takes that as a cue to stroll up to a random blond chick and tell her “Lick my neck and I’ll totally come.” Luckily, Brody and his enormous necklace are both there to distract me from my SpencerRage. Spencer corners LC and issues a few veiled threats a la “Let’s not make it difficult for {Heidi} to be friends with you,” implying that he has Permanent Fixture Status and Lauren does not. When LC storms off, Spencer comments to Brody, “I’m not going five feet from that girl the rest of my life.” So… you’re going to stay within 5 feet of *heidi* at all times? Or did you mean you weren’t going *within* five feet of LC? Do we have to add Preposition Usage to your syllabus for the semester?

LC decides the best way to smooth this over is to involve a fourth party. I’m running out of membership cards for my Good Decisions Club but I’ll have a few extra ones made up just in case. Brody, to his credit, manages to only call LC “beautiful” once in the conversation while gently trying to point out that Heidi seems happy and that might be what’s most important. He then tattles on her to Spencer, who tattles on her to Heidi. “But I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life,” Heidi says, confused. “These past 4 days have outshone cheerleading camp, Senior Homecoming week, and that time the vending machine gave me both a Snickers AND twizzlers even though I only paid for one of them, all rolled into one,” she goes on. In my head. “I don’t know how you guys can even live together any more,” Spencer casually remarks. And the seeds of dissent are planted!

Finally, we get confirmation that LC is still enrolled at fashion school, via a scene with no dialogue or action that seems to serve only as a vehicle for showing Nick from Project Runway’s professorial skills if that is, in fact, him and not his perfect doppelganger teaching The History of Polka Dots. LC returns home and walks straight into a State of the Union talk with Heidi about how much their friendship totally blows right now, and we get the oft-run “But you HAVE chosen” clip. Heidi cops to having pulled a Spencer-esque flower switcheroo on LC (what’s next? Heidi starts replacing “You” with “Lauren” in every heartfelt sentence and attacks InternWhitney for saying that LC dresses inappropriately? Is this an extremely accelerated version of how old married people start looking like one another after years of being together?) and LC peaces out of the conversation but quick. Heidi sadly packs a wheeley suitcase and wheels her way right out of LC’s life.

Next time: FriendJen of “I don’t believe in love” and “I’m really protective of my friends” fame makes a play for Brody. Oh no she DI’int!