Kill Claire

Posted by Dan March 15th, 2007 at 01:23pm In Lost

As everyone who watches Lost must have noticed, they're really half-assing it with these deaths.  Boone's death was good.  Shannon's was satisfying (mostly because she was a pain in the arse).  But ever since, it's just been Tailies and highly expendable Others.  None of the core group has died.  And for a show that pioneered the "someone's going to die" sweeps trickery, they really have some catching-up to do.

And the first person that I think should be on the chopping block is Claire.  Well, maybe second. 

She's really the biggest dead weight on the show — the least interesting castaway by far.  Pretty much all she's done is gestate a baby, get kidnapped and serve as a love interest for Charlie. And, ever since, get mad at him for one reason or another and respond by taking away the baby a hundred times. 

And people seem to think that they can't kill her because she has a baby.  I say, "Kill away!" 

Last night's Claire-centric episode should have made her more interesting.  But no.  All we learned was that at one point she was a raven-haired, Hot Topic-y teen who accidentally put her mom in a permanent vegetative state.  And that she's pretty much been petulant and quick-tempered all along.  Oh, and that she's Jack's half-sister (but everyone knew that already, right?).

Possible ways to make Claire's character more engaging:

• There have been twin Claires all along, nursing two babies.  They've been rotating in and out.  It has something to do with the Others.
• Claire rips off her face, Mission: Impossible-style, and it's Ben.  Ben Vereen.
• Recast the role.  Fire Emilie de Ravin and replace her with Ryan Gosling.  Write a storyline about a heatwave that hits the island and forces much shirtless-ness.
• She's a robot.
• She starts granting wishes.
• Every week she does the Double Dare obstacle course and continually gets tripped up on the Sundae Slide.

In other news, isn't Locke the worst?  That was some bold murder he committed last night with Vladimir Von Eyepatch — just casually shoving him into the brain-fryer. I hate that guy.