That post title is supposed to be said like this. 

"Truth: I don't know why the hell I do anything, either."

Last week's Jack-football-fake-out was one of the great surprise moments of Lost, proving effective twists don't always have to be gruesome. Sometimes when you're taking yourself way too seriously (Kate, LOCKE) it can be fun to try the opposite — which of course ends up being incredibly creepy. Stockholm Syndrome much, Jack? Anyway, tonight's flashbacks are Locke's, so… yeah. I agree with Dan.

Forgive me for the brevity. Apparently all that obsessing about the tournament has given me a sore throat and stuffy nose.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: That Comedy Central show starring Oscar, Halfway Home; or more of John Waters's Til Death Do Us Part; or Lifetime's Original Movie adaptation of The Mermaid Chair starring Kim Basinger. 

So, hopefully, you already know The Pipettes.  If you don't already know them, then I envy you.  Why?  Because, as Cristin says about watching the first season of Veronica Mars, I envy people who have yet to discover them and fall in love.

The Pipettes are polka-dotted English trio who sing 50s-flavored "sha la la" anthems with a modern lyrical sensibility (songs about one night stands, etc.). This is a really fun video for ABC, a decent song on their album "We Are The Pipettes." The best song on the album — Pull Shapes — has a video too and I almost posted it a long time ago.  But didn't.  True story.

Playing it Straight — I don't think I'd be exaggerating to say that this show is the pinnacle of human achievement.

Like Top Design, I can't help but love this show based on the fact that it has the gay factor and the elimination factor. Plus, it has a high degree of psychological intrigue. I'm powerless. 

Here's the story behind it.

Take The Bachelorette format.  Put it in a fakey Texas ranch.  Make (more than) half the dudes gay.  Bring in a cash prize of a half million dollars — if she picks a straight suitor, they split the cash.  If she picks a gay guy, he gets it all. 

Seriously, this is some good shit. 

I recently caught up with the show when they had a marathon on Fox Reality Channel (I have no idea what I was doing looking at that channel — don't ask).  I saw a few episodes when it originally aired on FOX.  The show was a dismal failure ratings-wise and forced Fox to cancel it mid-season, unresolved. In fact, they didn't even burn off the remaining episodes over the summer — they announced the winner via press release.

The bachelorette's name is Jackie and she is completely ordinary. And that's not a slam, it's just that she's like every pretty girl in a strappy H&M tank top you've ever met. She seems like somebody you went to school with and can barely remember.  "You remember Jackie?  Long brown hair, really cute. She was in our sociology class first semester junior year… No, the other one…  Yeah.  She was nice."

One of the best parts of the show is watching the bachelors turn on each other, exposing each other's perceived gay qualities. The boyish (and obviously straight) bachelor Banks receives sideways glances for his interest in architecture and knowledge of which one's the salad fork.  Anytime someone shows refined taste or proper hygiene, the other guys are like "Hey there, Susie."

At the end of every show, when Jackie eliminates bachelors, she has to ask the rejected suitor (who, in this case, I will call Gustav): "But before you go, Gustav, I have to know — are you straight or are you gay?"  And then Gustav, with his well manicured (too well manicured?) fingernails and impeccably shaped eyebrows says: "Jackie, I never wanted to hurt you.  But you chose well — I am gay!"  And then everybody gasps and Gustav goes back to the house to pack his gay bags. 

One of the noteworthy events of the season was when the aforementioned Banks had his accident. Halfway through the season, he got into an arm-wrestling competition (with a guy who I think turned out to be gay) and grotesquely got his arm broken.  It was like he was waving a baguette bag filled with sticks.

I have to admit, the producers did a good job of casting the bachelors.  They all live in the grey area between metrosexual straight and uber-butch gay. For the most part, they were pretty damned ambiguous. One of the gays (who lasted a long time) gave himself away, though, because he was so concerned with sabotaging the other players, he was all "Jackie who?"

If this actually sounds interesting to anyone but me, Fox Reality is having a marathon on April Fools Day.  Get it? 

I had to prune it because half of it was dead — now it kind of looks like a member of A Flock of Seagulls. 

• Looks like Ricky Gervais is big on the whole 'go out on a high note' thing.  Extras will end after season two.
• Rashida Jones vamps it up for TV Guide.  Campaigning for the TiFaux tournament vote?  Who's to say? 
• Ira Glass talks to USA Today about This American Life's move to TV.
• TV Guide ranks the last five contestants on Top Design. 
• Sean Hayes and (weee!) Will Arnett are going to guest star on 30 Rock. 
• A new Ask Ausiello thread is up — chock full of spoilery goodness. 
• Adam Sandler hosted Letterman last night, because Dave was sick.  I was confused when I switched to it in the middle of the show… 
• The NY Times talks about the Iraq war and how it's being covered on TV. 
• Will Battlestar call it quits after four seasons?  Everybody panic! 
• News on reality competition shows you don't watch: Sharon Osbourne may replace Brandy on America's Got Talent. American Inventor is coming back, but they're cleaning house.
• The knuckle-draggers at Stuff Magazine list the wimpiest men on TV. Leave the Ace of Cakes alone, jerks.