Doncha wish Veronica Mars was on right now?
Posted by Cristin
April 11th, 2007 at 04:14pm
In Hotness Reality Veronica Mars
Listen. I’ve been watching The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search For The Next Doll. I know. I know. I might as well just take a steak knife and put it through the heart of my favorite tiny girl detective. I know I should leave that time slot vacant our of respect for the Veronica Mars hiatus, but there are 20 year olds CRYING on the television, wearing garters and saying things like “I just know in my heart that this is what I’m supposed to be.” And they’re saying it about The Pussycat Dolls! I can’t ignore material like this!
The four remaining Doll hopefuls have been sherpad through this “life changing experience” by one Robin Antin, the “creator and visionary behind the Pussycat Dolls.” (Every time I use quotation marks please know that I’m taking dialogue directly from competition host Mark McGrath. And while I’m pumped that Mr. Sugar Ray gets to fill out a W2 form this year, watching him do this is just horribly sad and depressing, like the scene where the pony sinks into the bog in The Neverending Story, or watching your 2nd grade teacher turn tricks). I’ve been trying to come up with a way to accurately describe Robin that doesn’t involve the phrase “Imagine if Atoosa Rubenstein and Skeletor had a baby, and that baby spent 4 hours a day in a tanning bed” but it’s just not possible (actually, can’t credit Marky Mark with that one, though it would be great for him to use that quote in place of “Fabulous job, ladies!” which he repeats about 7 times an episode while the producers crop the shot to exclude the gun aimed directly at his left temple). Robin is in charge of imparting years of wisdom into the doe eyed and extremely bendy contestants.
I can’t believe I went to Smith for this.
We’re in the home stretch with just three weeks left to go and four wannabes lined up at the door to the Doll House. My statistical assessment of each of their chances is as follows:
Asia
Pros: Named after a land mass.
Cons: Does annoying off-key Xxtina-eque vocal trills; takes herself entirely too seriously.
Why She Shouldn’t Win: Because she refuses to eat any of the healthy CW-provided meals and orders in cheeseburgers every day, but still has the tiniest ass I’ve ever seen in my life. Also, was so That Girl That Everyone Hated in high school, the one you look for in awkward Maxim “girl next door” photo shoots so you can talk about how the mighty have fallen.
Why She Could Win: Affirmative Action; Because the world is an unfair place; because Lil Kim is one of the judges and she’s not been known to make good, well thought-out decisions.
Bad Melissa
Pros: Canadian. (Yes, this is how much I hate her)
Cons: Stepped to my girl Chelsea; has weird bangs.
Why She Shouldn’t Win: Is Evil.
Why She Could Win: Because they could take her on only to have a Destiny’s Child-like OMG Someone Got Kicked Out scandal three months from now.
Chelsea
Pros: Is adorable; Is a genuinely good person; Is the kind of person you’d want to be friends/ sisters with; Recently lost 100 pounds; has adorable bangs.
Cons: Zero.
Why She Shouldn’t Win: Has no dance background and difficulty with choreography.
Why She Could Win: Can actually sing; Doesn’t suck at life.
Good Melissa
Pros: Strong singer and dancer; looks great when standing next to Bad Melissa.
Cons: Isn’t Chelsea.
Why She Shouldn’t Win: Because I want Chelsea to.
Why She Could Win: Has actual talent.
15 Comments Add your own
1. Gina | April 11th, 2007 at 4:16 pm
WOW. I can’t believe you’re watching this crap. And you call yourself a Veronica Mars fan.
2.
Cristin | April 11th, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Hi, Gina! Normally I have better things to do than fight with our commentors, but you caught me on a slow day, you lucky girl, you!
Given the sub-2 minute span between my posting time and your commenting time, I’m going to go ahead and assume that you didn’t give this well crafted post the attention that it deserved, and that your comment is merely the result of that oversight and not due to, say, a complete and utter lack of humor. I approach TPCDP:TSFTND with the mindset that I apply to every activity in my life, which is to say that I am constantly asking myself What Would Veronica Mars Do? What bagel would Veronica Mars order each morning? How would Veronica Mars handle having upstairs neighbors who karaoke at 3am on a Tuesday? And, most crucially, when faced with superior entertainment that just may be the pinnacle of human achievement, would Veronica Mars turn away out of spite? Or would Veronica Mars, who has lost or nearly lost every person she’s ever loved, understand that all in life is fleeting–that, in the immortal words of Frost, “nothing gold can stay”– and would she know that we should consider all potential harbingers of joy when available to us? Think about it, Gina. Think about it.
3.
sara | April 11th, 2007 at 5:22 pm
What I want to know is why you haven’t posted your thoughts on the LC-J.Wahl sex tape scandal. Come on, inquiring readers need you to explain who this “Spencer” person is and why he is such a giant asshat.
4. Angel | April 11th, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Oh my goodness, you share my secret shame.
I LOVE this show. It has all the elements of craptastic reality tv: crying, catfighting, and choreography. It’s wonderful!
Except for the part where it interrupts Veronica Mars. (please don’t hurt me, VM fans, I feel your pain too.)
5.
Kyle | April 11th, 2007 at 5:39 pm
This particular show, while sordid and gross (and yes, everything I know about it I learned from The Soup) is not to blame for Veronica being off the air. The CW, and the CW alone, is responsible. They wanted to take it off the air for several weeks, so they found a show to put in its place that was very likely to get better ratings. A show that is designed to have a limited run. And besides, unless Cristin is secretly in a Nielson household, the channel her television is tuned to at any point during the day doesn’t affect Veronica Mars’ chance of getting a 4th season one bit.
6.
Cristin | April 11th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
And I also watch it while I’m at the gym, workin’ on my fitness, so the only thing we have to worry about is the show’s impact on my soul/ Veronica Mars Fan-dom As Perceived by Gina. HOW AM I GOING TO SLEEP AT NIGHT?
7. Marisa | April 11th, 2007 at 7:01 pm
I’ve been trying to come up with a way to accurately describe Robin
I think it looks like she went out for tons and tons of plastic surgery, but didn’t let it all, you know, set on her face before putting herself on that show. It looks like her face is about to slide off her head at any moment! I totally see the Atoosa/Skeletor connection, but I’d throw in a dose of Lizzie Grubman for good measure.
Obviously, Asia should win because she’s from Westchester. Hooray for all things Westchester. (Um, except Jesse McCartney.)
Also, I am a horrible human being for having seen almost all of this show and almost none of Veronica Mars.
8.
Kyle | April 11th, 2007 at 7:24 pm
You can always rent it on DVD. And that would make a difference.
9. dragoned | April 11th, 2007 at 11:41 pm
“Why She Could Win: Can actually sing; doesn’t suck at life.”
Hahaha. Funniest thing I’ve heard/read/seen in the past half hour at least. I kid you not.
10. Gina | April 12th, 2007 at 12:37 am
Hey Cristin- Would Veronica Mars watch the PCD show?
11. Lindsay | April 12th, 2007 at 1:20 am
It’s like a train wreck. You can’t look away.
Although I watched the repeat after America’s Next Top Model.
12.
Cristin | April 12th, 2007 at 9:03 am
I like to think that, while Veronica would not seek out TPCDP:TSFTND, maybe on a quiet night at home with Backup she might settle on it while flipping through channels and pause thoughtfully, if only in mourning for her generation. Which is good enough for me.
13. emla | April 12th, 2007 at 4:23 pm
I’d like to weigh in here, since I consider myself an unabashed fan of PCDP: TSFTNPCD (although, I didn’t know it was on until they switched it to after ANTM), and Beth and I had a serious talk about this last night. Anyway, Asia is not going to make it because the producer guy HATES her. Good Melissa can’t win because she looks too much like Nicole Scherzinger who could not possibly let another girl who looks just like her AND can sing into this group (c’mon now if you think any of the other girls actually do anything other than bend in half).
And, register my SHOCK that Mariela got kicked off last week. So, I’ll go with Chelsea.
Can we also describe how hilariously midgey all the girls are? Bad Melissa up in that photo can hardly reach the barre!
14. Heather | April 13th, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Cristin – we’re like soulmates. I’m watching this for the same reasons you are. And I’m a HUGE Veronica fan! I’m worried for next season of Veronica – but I can’t help watch PCD. Although, I watch the encore presentation on Wednesday nights after my America’s Next Top Model. It just goes hand in hand.
As for your breakdowns on all the girls remaining? I agree except I sorta like Melissa S. aka Bad Melissa. She doesn’t bother me like Asia bothers me. I mean seriously? Asia sweetheart, we’ve already got a Christina Aguielera. But I think Chelsea has an amazing voice! I think she can do better than PCD personally. But I feel Melissa R. aka Good Melissa should win it because she’s the whole package.
15. Liz | April 13th, 2007 at 11:58 pm
I miss Veronica! And the hotness of Logan even more!!!!! lol. The show has been my slight replacement for Buffy the Vampire Slayer *slight because nothing will EVER replace that show*.
I totally agree with everything you say there. I liked the Canadian part! lol. Chelsea or Melissa R. should win!! I have been rooting for Chelsea from the beginning and she’ll always be my #1 for this!!!
Another pro for Chelsea is that she was the underdog in the beginning and has now improved more than any other girl in the competition!
Leave a Comment
Some HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
Trackback this post | Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed