You better “Locke” it up. “Locke” and key. Row down the “Locke.”

So, there’s Naomi who’s not Penny who fell from the sky. (By the way, I love the Schrodinger’s Cat nature of Desi’s dilemma. If he had let Charlie die, would it have been Penny in that tree?) There’s Locke’s father “locked” in the Others’ basement. There’s Sun with her baby death sentence, and Juliet informing on her new buddies, and Bakunin the Undead wandering around, and every other inexplicable thing. Lotta ins, lotta outs. It’s Lost.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Not a lot of anything here. How about the movie The Quick and the Dead, directed by Sam Raimi, to commemorate this Friday’s Spider-Man release? It’s playing on AMC.

Those of you who saw Heroes (in real time) on Monday probably saw this commercial.

First of all, I love this ad. Here’s a numbered list of reasons:

1. It’s “ha ha” funny.
2. It takes a huge dig at the slimy Aryan machine of eHarmony.
3. The guy’s kind of cute.
4. It presents gay people as completely ordinary and does so during a mainstream show.

Not only is it accepting of the gays, it’s surprisingly aggressive and political. There’s that whole other part of the country that’s convinced sexuality is a choice (come on, didn’t you see Work Out last night?).

I don’t really have much more to pontificate on, but hats off to the good folks at Chemistry.com.

It’s my ‘going-out’ vest, not to be confused with my everyday vests.

• Kyle and the AV Club are twinsies! They provide potential future plotlines for Studio 60 too.
• Thomas Dekker denies quitting Heroes because of the gay stuff. Jesus, who could care at this point?
• Shmigh School Schmusical Two will premiere in August.
• The Pirate Master cast is revealed.
• A new Ask Ausiello is up with the usual assortment of spoiler treats.
• Jimmy Kimmel is a dick.
• The lady from Good Morning America will host the National Spelling Bee in primetime, May 31.