Top Chef: It begins
Top Chef’s back. And since I need something to do to keep me off the streets, I’ve opted to recap this season. That said, I reserve the right to skip episodes without warning, phone it in with a three paragrapher or drop the venture entirely if I get tired. These aren’t threats — I’m just saying that this is free pop culture/comedy/time killing labor, so I can do what I want.
Lovely to see you too. Let’s dive right in, shall we?
Padma’s back this season, so that gives her a sense of permanence within the series. She’s not a one seasoner (remember Katie Lee Joel? Yeah, me neither). She still has a strange demeanor — like the most sultry robot you’ve ever seen — but you can tell she knows food pretty well, she’s got opinions and her wardrobe will always entertain. Furthermore, ever since I became aware of it, I’ve now become fascinated with her scar.
This season they’ve moved the competition from L.A. to Miami and the impact so far is negligible.
People start arriving at the airport and the introduce themselves. Sara M. makes cheese and therefore wins my heart; Lia is from Brooklyn and that’s about it for her; Micah talks about how cooking is art and then says something about Michaelangelo; Howie’s big and bald and talks about how he’s not interested in socializing.
Clay describes himself as the “dark horse” because he didn’t go to culinary school and he’s from the south; we learn nothing about Sara N. the entire episode except that she’s foxy and she exists; Brian is also kind of hot and wears a soul patch and silly hat that make him seem like should be auditioning for Top Ska Band; Tre seems good-natured and has an embarassing tattoo down the inside of his forearm that reads “gottahavepassion.” Nonetheless, he is very proud of it — so I say god bless.
C.J. is distractingly tall and, in the biggest non sequitur of the episode says that he is a private chef because he is a cancer survivor (huh?). Much like my colorblindness has inspired my non-career of television blogging.
Dale is gay and has a mohawk. Sandee is gay and has a mohawk. It’s weird.
We’re not even halfway through the first episode and there are two contestants I’m already sick of. Number one is Joey who greets us with unexpected and unneeded hostility, dropping f-bombs left and right as he explains that he is Italian and from New York. Take every negative connotation of those two characteristics and there you have it. The second contestant is Hung, who describes himself as a “certified professional asshole.” We already know from the Season One Vs. Season Two Showdown that he’s friends with Marcel from season two (best known for his freestyle rapping and being socially maladjusted) — so that should speak volumes on its own.
The contestants meet and greet at a lavish buffet and soon enough Padma and Judge Tom emerge to welcome them. Tom starts off by emphasizing that he’s a judge and not a mentor — I’m guessing for two reasons. First, so people won’t think he’s Top Chef’s secondhand Tim Gunn and, second, it’s an excuse to not to be nice and supportive.
With that, Padma surprises the contestants with the announcement of the quickfire challenge (that’s Top Chef-speak for immunity challenge): to make an amuse bouche out of the ingredients in the buffet. An amuse bouche is something that rich people eat before they actually eat. It’s meant to be consumed in a single bite and tantalize the taste buds for the meal to come. (Fun fact: I considered calling this series Amuse Douches, but that seemed too negative. And inaccurate, considering that — unlike last season — the cast is populated by fairly likable folks. I’m sure that’ll change within a few episodes. So far I’m refraining from a sexy title until I come up with something I like. God forbid I end up with feature titles like “The Funk” and “The More You Know” — which I totally hate now, but am stuck with.)
They’ve got thirty minutes. Go.
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7 comments June 19th, 2007