Apparently summer is the time when odd spin-off networks premiere their “college life” series. Cristin just covered The Best Years on the N. I’m ashamed/proud to say I watched the premiere of Greek on ABC Family.

Let me say up front that I am completely unqualified to judge the realism/pointed satire of this show, as my college had no fraternities or sororities (instead we had this. ugh). But that may be why I’m fascinated by the process. What are these “pledges” and “bids” of which you speak?

The show follows a brother and sister as they navigate life on campus, in particular Greek life. The sister is a super-popular and sorority-obsessed. The brother is a nerdy freshman engineering major who wants to experience “real” college life, so he decides to rush a frat. There are two main frats: the snooty clean-cut one run by the sister’s boyfriend, and the Animal-House-esque one run by the sister’s ex-boyfriend-who-obviously-is-still-hung-up-on-her- but-is-hiding-it-under-a-mask-of-asshole-ish-ness. The ex-boyfriend’s name is Cappie, which I only remember because the frat is Kappa Something, and it is completely ridiculous that his name is also Cappie (pictured). I’m very much hoping that’s a nickname. There are some shenanigans involving illicit hook-ups and sibling solidarity. Some people get punched in the face. Some people have to sneak out through the window. In the end, due to the fact that the real asshole is obviously the current boyfriend and the ex-boyfriend is way more fun, the brother accepts a bid at the Animal House frat.

For all its obviousness and occasional groan-worthy dialogue, I was surprisingly entertained. A bunch of the jokes landed. My favorite was this exchange between the siblings:

Sis: I don’t want to be a social piranha.
Bro: Pariah.
Sis: What? I don’t know what you’re saying.
Bro: It’s social pariah.
Sis: Look, no one wants to hang out with a piranha.

I’m not saying I’m going to add it to the TiFaux’s list, but when there’s nothing else on, it’s a good time-waster. I’d be interested to hear the opinion of someone with actual knowledge of Greek life (ahem, Cristin). Luckily they’re re-airing the episode on Friday! Right after they re-air the direct-to-TV sequel to Bring It On, the one with Hayden Panettiere!

I wish I could live in one.

• Smashing Pumpkins, Spoon and Interpol are all going to be on TV this week. And more.
• Best Week Ever comes up with three more Krasinski expressions.
• Two gay guys lived the dream: having Tori Spelling officiate their gay wedding.
• Production on 24 has been held up.
• In turn, AfterEllen does the seven coolest female geeks.
• Remember when Fox canceled Drive and said they’d air the remaining episodes on July 4 and then said ‘nevermind, let’s do it later in July’? Well, nevermind again.
• Jillian Barberie has multiplied.
• Elvira talks about her new reality show.
• No more frontal male nudity on Entourage? A nation weeps.
• Victoria Beckham, plugging her new show, says she’s just a “normal girl from London.” Sure, Vic, so am I…
• The end of Monk?
• Kathy Griffin mulls The View co-hosting gig.
• Mindy Kaling talks about Ryan on The Office.
• Do I want some American Idol-brand jeans? Hell yeah!
• An interview with Michael Cera about Clark and Michael.
• Finally: Koreans love Wentworth Miller. Maggie, Kyle, Cristin — is this the answer we’ve been searching for? Now we just have to figure out which country adores Maura Tierney.

It’s a bleak TV landscape out there. Especially when So You Think You Can Dance takes a break for the fourth of July and leaves me all alone with nothing but The Best Years on the N to watch.

To be fair, I’ve always had a soft spot for fictional depictions of college life, ever since the writers of Saved By The Bell and 90210 unwittingly sent their respective casts to the same fake college but ignored my pleas to script a scene where Zach and Donna get it on. Usually I fill this need with reruns of Felicity, but then The N stepped up and started giving me something I could feel, and you know they mean business because (a) it has a Degrassi lead in and (b) it’s about an orphan. People love orphans.

Samantha Best (get it?) has been in foster care for the last ten years following the unexplained death of her parents, but we meet her on the day she begins her freshman year at Charles University which, as far as I can tell, is supposed to be Harvard. The foster care people have impeccable timing and just as Sam is headed out the door to embrace her new future, there’s a young girl in front of Sam’s old house clutching a stuffed animal stepping out of a van marked CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES just in case we aren’t quick on the uptake. As soon as Samantha sets foot on college she bumps into the Dean of Admissions who not only recognizes her on sight, but knows her dorm room offhand and escorts her there, casually reminding her that her scholarship doesn’t cover the required meal plan and that if Sam doesn’t come up with a way to pay for it, she’ll be kicked out of school. I immediately become convinced that this show is written by a bunch of people who did college via the internet. This hunch solidifies itself when a group of toga wearing guys in hard hats “streak” Sam’s first hall meeting. Please oh please let her have a bitchy roommate who, after their rocky start, will be the means by which Sam learns many lessons that cannot be found in books, even at the prestigious Charles University.

You rang?

Sam’s first few days are a whirlwind of meeting her Ice Queen of a scholarship benefator, discovering her floor’s co-ed showers when she walks in on a guy in a towel who had “accidentally” hit her with a football on the quad earlier, and ditching the geeky friend she made at orientation in order to don Kelly Taylor minidresses and hit Colony, the Peach Pit After Dark of CU. Oh, and making as many references as possible to the fact that she’s an orphan from Southie. I put the closed caption on and recite the lines in a Good Will Hunting accent for awhile and the show becomes at least 85% better.

Then tragedy strikes when her jolly fat guy friend drunkenly falls off their dorm roof (I know. I didn’t see it coming either). The two other witnesses (aforementioned bitchy blonde roommate and towel wearing basketball player guy) immediately go along with the plan to tell no one they were witnesses, having never seen I Know What You Did Last Summer. But Sam, because she’s an orphan and therefore has morals, comes clean to the Dean so that jolly fat guy’s family can know that his death was accidental and not a suicide. Sam takes the fall (heyo!) for the whole group and is told she’ll be expelled as the result of it, because that’s how they do things? at ivy league schools? when someone actually does the right thing? instead of covering their own ass? But Sam’s Ice Queen Mysterious Benefactor threatens the Dean old school style (by promising to withhold money) in order to keep Sam at Charles, and returns all questions as to why she’s taken such an active interest in Sam with a cold and distant look meaning, naturally, that we’ll soon find out that she’s either Sam’s mother returned from the dead or her long lost godmother stepping in when Sam most needs her, Sirius Black style.