The hotly anticipated, highly controversial reality show Kid Nation premieres tonight at 8:00 on CBS. Despite the controversy, I’m kind of bored just thinking about it. Kids are mean little buggers, but I get the sense they’re all going to learn an important lesson about life, and I have no interest in that.

Kids who will never learn an important lesson about anything? Those rich bitches on Gossip Girl, premiering tonight at 9 on the CW (see disaffected poses, right). I think this show is going to be terrible addictive and extremely popular. I fear, from the commercials, that the producers were so pleased with themselves for coming up with a surefire hit that they did not pay close enough attention to casting, because these kids (as pretty as they are) seem to have some acting problems. Major acting problems. Read Dan’s preview for more.

Gossip Girl is preceded by the season premiere of the latest America’s Next Top Model. FYI, if that’s your bag.

Also premiering, to the interest of no one here, is Back to You, the Heaton and Grammer future Emmy juggernaut. Yawn.

I’m going to enjoy Top Chef 60% less now that CJ has been eliminated. He had a slightly worrying tendency to start talking too much and throwing blame around when the pressure got intense, but in his relaxed moments, he was delightful. I can’t believe he didn’t get to eat pizza in New York. It’s too depressing to think about, actually.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: The latest episode of The Minor Accomplishments of Jackie Woodman repeats tonight. I just saw it on Monday, and it’s awesome.

Vitals

Name: Tom the Dog
Location: Ojai, CA
Web Site: Tom the Dog’s You Know What I Like?
What’s your story?: It’s that old, familiar story. A fight for love and glory. A case of do or die. Plus I frickin’ love TV.
What do you do during the day?: Nada mucho. Watch TV, fight some crime.
How do you know about TiFaux?: I’m honestly not sure. Another blogger linked you, I think, probably Crocodile Caucus, and I was hooked.
Why are you so interesting?: I’m two degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon. I can do a killer Kermit the Frog impression. I’ve already been on 1 Vs. 100 (as a member of the Mob; I won $6,143), and I’m auditioning for Merv Griffin’s Crosswords tomorrow. I’m as handsome as the day is long. All those things are true.

Favorites

Movie: Casablanca. And RoboCop, of course.
Music: The Who, Who’s Next. Not just the greatest album ever made; the greatest anything, ever.
Book: Kurt Vonnegut, Cat’s Cradle. Stephen King, The Stand . P.G. Wodehouse, The Code of the Woosters. Dr. Seuss, The Lorax.
Food: Maui Sweet Onion potato chips. Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby. In & Out’s Double Double combo. Sierra Nevada beer.
Web Site (besides TiFaux — don’t be a kissass): The AV Club. Mike Sterling’s Progressive Ruin. Electronic Cerebrectomy. Achewood.

Television

The best show currently on television is: Man, that is tough. I might have to go with The Daily Show. Also Battlestar Galactica and 30 Rock.
But my all-time favorite is: Deadwood is a recent candidate, but if I’m truly picking one all-time fave, how could it not be The Simpsons?
I’m pained to admit it, but the show I secretly love is: Since I gave up on Two and a Half Men, I don’t really have a secret shame show. I guess New Adventures of Old Christine is about as close as it gets. I watch good TV.
Whose shit are you sick of?: Whoopi Goldberg. Being sick of her shit is kind of a running theme on my blog.
Most cherished childhood television memory: Being shocked by Hawkeye saying “son of a bitch” on the finale of M*A*S*H. Singing along to the theme song of Underdog. Watching R-rated movies that I wasn’t allowed to watch at home on cable at friends’ houses, and subsequently being deeply scarred by The Shining at a very tender age.
Which TV character/personality would you most like to have a tryst with?: So very, very many. Kari Byron of Mythbusters comes to mind first. As far as fictional characters… Robin on How I Met Your Mother, or Eliot on Scrubs.
Kill, boff, marry — Jack Shepherd (Lost), Peter Petrelli (Heroes), Michael Bluth (Arrested Development): Can I please just kill that goddam Jess from Gilmore Girls?
Kill, boff, marry — Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica), Heidi Klum (Project Runway), Alyson Hannigan (How I Met Your Mother): Tough choice. But I gotta go with kill Alyson, boff Heidi, marry Katee. If you’re going strictly by characters, it’s gotta be marry Heidi (is she really a “character”?) and boff Starbuck, because I know the heart of a space fighter pilot is just too wild to be tamed by marriage! Wow, that really ends things in a pathetic, nerdy fashion, doesn’t it?

I’ve decided that “dystopian” is going to be the new word I use way too much.

• Read all the Emmy red carpet commentaries from the gals at Go Fug Yourself. Victims include Sara Ramirez, Hayden Panettiere and Vanessa Williams.
• Click here to find out who won Big Brother 8.
• Molly Shannon will appear on Pushing Daisies.
• The TV Addict has a Fall TV Preview.
• Preview some Heroes clips here.
• Fox denies political motivations in censoring Sally Field at the Emmys.
• Lauren Graham will be making some sweet cash as part of a development deal with NBC.
• CBS is screening Kid Nation at elementary schools.
• Tina Fey reveals some details about Jerry Seinfeld’s 30 Rock role.
• One Tree Hill has asked Kevin Federline to be a series regular.
• Ask Ausiello’s up with info on House, Grey’s, Heroes and Lost.
• Watch the Life pilot online.
• Sorry, Maggie. Mad Men got renewed.