Recently, TiFaux was asked to participate in a Fall TV Preview with a number of other bloggers including our pals Vance and Liz. The whole shebang was hosted by The TV Addict and Tapeworthy.

Now let me begin my defense — you’ll see a lot of N/As in our column. All I can say is I did my best to procure sneak previews of the fall season (the good folks at CBS are the only ones who sent me screeners) on a somewhat short notice. But we got about a third of ‘em, and I figure that’s okay.

I was pretty severe on the comedies (I’m a little baffled that not everyone hated Aliens in America as much as me), although I was feeling weirdly merciful in giving Big Bang Theory a 2.

LEGEND
1 – Don’t waste your time unless you find According to Jim funny
2 – Not great but at least doesn’t offend me.
3 – Fun to watch if nothing else is on.
4 – Has potential. Worth a second look.
5 – Set your TiVo to Season’s Pass!
N/A – Haven’t watched yet.

If you’d like to check out the Web sites of the other participants, here they are: BuzzSugar, DaemonsTV, DuckyDoesTV, GiveMeMyRemote, GlowyBox, MikeyLikesTV, ScooterMcGavin, SillyPipeDreams, Seat42f, TapeWorthy, theTVaddict and TubeTalk

The highlight of this very busy night will hopefully be Heroes. In case you’ve forgotten, Peter and Nathan have totally exploded out in space, Hiro is in old-timey Japan, Sylar is making friends with sewer cockroaches, and everybody else is just kind of chilling. Oh yeah, some of them are shot. But otherwise they’re doing all right, all things considered.

Chuck occupies the slot before Heroes, and I’m certainly curious. It sounds just goofy enough to be delightful, but it’s the type of thing that could veer into cheesy and painful territory before the first commercial break. We’ll see. I’ve invested a lot into it on TV Big Shot, so I’m hoping for the best.

Journeyman, the not-Quantum Leap, sort-of-rip-off of The Time Traveler’s Wife premieres after Heroes. Sweet time slot. I’m still betting it’s one of the first shows of the year to get canceled.

In the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother, Ted is on the market again. Come on, ladies, who wants a needy, demanding, clingy, impulsive-in-a-bad-way boyfriend? No? Well, at least Barney and Lily and Marshall will be there.

And it’s the GRAND FINALE of one of the GREATEST REALITY PROGRAMS of our TIME, The Pick-Up Artist. I’m rooting for Kosmo, because Brady is kind of a dick. I hated what he said to that stripper last week. There is a fine line between well-delivered neg and being a douchebag, and he crossed it. Also, Kosmo is remarkable. He has no filter; he lets everything out — and what’s inside him tends to be quite likable.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: I just wanted to point out that due to the miracle of TiFaux, you don’t actually have to watch all of this at once. Huzzah!

Previously on The Hills: I spent a lot of time coming up with those fake Leader of the Pack lyrics so you’d better damn well appreciate them.

I’ve clearly already hit the wall with this show, as I’m now 4 recaps behind and have only been brought to life by the trailers for this week’s episode that show Heidi in a wedding dress. OMGWTFLOL. And if you spend as much time as I do in the News Stand section of Borders, or as much money as I do subscribing to magazines that would make me look slightly pervy were I not currently working in what might vaguely be described as “teen media,” you already know that this clash of titans is going on in the magazine aisle of your local CVS or strip club or wherever you frequent to get your jollies:

What an exceptional role model. Next month: Miss Teen South Carolina.

My circulation rate’s much higher, biatch, so suck it. (Heidi’s note: Wait, that’s not true. I’ve slept with WAY more guys than Lauren has).

Meanwhile, Teen magazine has Vanessa Hudgens talking about how she stays grounded on their cover. You lose, Teen.

This episode opens with Heidi and Spencer getting her ring sized, since he didn’t bother to find out what ring size she was before proposing. I’m not entirely sure how boys are supposed to do this, since most girls I know don’t even know their own ring sizes, and whenever someone mentions ring sizing I always think of Little Women and how they talk about stealing a lady’s glove in order to have her ring fitted properly. Still, I’m going to rain judgement down on La Spence for not figuring this out ahead of time. I’m guessing he doesn’t have a dog-eared, tear-stained copy of Little Women in the cigar box where he keeps his leopard fur-covered handcuffs and a picture of the father he never knew. Again, there’s some confusion about which hand an engagement ring should go on and AGAIN I’d like to point out that if you don’t know, you shouldn’t be getting married. Not only is it the wrong hand, Heidi, you’re also giving him the wrong finger. Blissfully unaware of how much I disapprove of her life style, Heidi asks Spencer along to a weekend in Colorado to meet her parents. Spencer acknowledges that he and Brody were planning an epic beer-be-que, but he would “much rather” meet Heidi’s family.

The MFA candidates at MTV have entitled this one “Meet the Parents.” I liked it a lot better when they were using ridiculous pull quotes from the various heinous boyfriends of our gals.