Bravo released a flurry of bedazzled news yesterday as it announced the renewals of Top Design and Shear Genius.

As I previously reflected, Top Design is entirely watchable, yet entirely inferior to Project Runway and even Top Chef. And it’s really hard to put my finger on why.  Arguably, it does everything right. That is, it does pretty much everything those other shows did, but for some reason the different parts didn’t synergize into must-watch television. Could it be that the network just saturated itself with flamboyant competitive reality shows and this was the straw that broke the gay camel’s back? After all, I really didn’t even watch Shear Genius.  Like at all.

In any case, it’s going to be back and I’ve got some tips for the show on how to proceed.

• Get a new host. As much as it pains me to say it, Todd Oldham was just not cutting it (he’s not mentioned in the press release, so it looks like that could definitely happen). He had the expertise of Tim Gunn, but the camera presence of Katie Lee Joel (remember when she hosted Top Chef?… me neither). When he announced challenges, it was with calculated inflection — like an unfortunate chemistry teacher trying to make oxidation numbers “come alive” for his students.
• New judges, but keep Kelly Wearstler. One of the few memorable things about Top Design was judge Kelly Wearstler’s crazy-ass get-ups and hairdos. She’d switch from vamp to poodle in the blink of an eye.  She had a good eye for design, so you knew she was just messing with our heads with these outrageous get-ups. Her antics aren’t enough to make the show work, but it helps.  Jonathan Adler, on the other hand, even though he’s famous as hell, would probably make a better catty side judge than main judge.
• New catchphrases. No one thinks “see you later, decorator” was a good idea. No one.
• New location. Somewhere exotic. Top Chef’s Miami edition gave it a distinct flavor (get it? flavor… ergh…) and the Chicago one will probably be unique too.  I think a New York sensibility would be interesting to see.

It’s a start, right?  The success of the series will depend, as it always does, on casting.  We’ll see if they can make it happen.

I can’t wait til I’m old.

It’s going to be great.  I’ll spend all my time watching reality TV, which by then will be on some sort of virtual reality headset where you can interact with program (it’ll be like Choose Your Own Adventure, only with young, attractive people screaming at each other). I plan to completely stop exercising (because at that point who cares?) and begin writing gay romance novels under the pen name “Gaston Lamont.”

For all of you who just can’t wait to get old, here’s a taste of what it’s like*.  Using this Web site you can write to the studios of your favorite shows, telling them why they should cave to the demands of the WGA and end the strike.  It’s all set up beforehand, so you don’t have to buy a stamp or anything.

*If you didn’t know, old people love writing letters.  Usually, it’s handwritten or done on typewriter (smudged with corrective fluid).

Feist was nominated for best new artist.  This is her third solo album.

• Michael Ausiello has the depressing round-up of how many episodes each show has left.
• Looks like The Real World Hollywood will be made up of improv folks. And one of them has already been thrown out.
• Six American Idol people have been nominated for Grammys.  Yeesh.
• ER is celebrating its 300th episode. E-Kristin has more.
• SNL will line up best-of episodes to deal with the strike.
• E-Kristin talks tornado on Desperate Housewives.
• Remember Medium?  It’s coming back in January.