I just want to be the first to tell you — there’s no new Project Runway this week.

It’s not fair, I know.

There’s no obvious reason for this, but now you can free up your evening.  Just keep drinking and don’t worry about being home by ten.

Lately, I’ve become obsessed with the idea of “safe words.” That is, the words people say when they’re in some sort of kinky S&M kind of situation and they’ve decided they’ve had enough. Because, you know, if they just say “no, stop, you’re hurting me,” that could be part of the fantasy.

In any case, I just think that it’s really funny to think of shouting the least erotic, most incongruous word in the heat of the moment — at the peak of the psychological and physical intensity. Like — you’re all sweaty and leathery and weird, and then all of a sudden you have to shout “Delaware!” to make them stop whatever they’re doing.

On that note, I’ve created TiFaux’s Top Ten Suggested TV-Related Safe Words.

10. The Dharma Initiative
9. Celebrity Fit Club
8. L.C.’s headband
7. Michael Chikles
6. “Gossip Girl does not accurately depict Brooklyn”
5. “Bravo: Watch what happens”
4. Lifetime Movie Network
3. Cylon resurrection ship
2. “Utensils down, hands up”
1. Moesha

I want one.  And not just because Jake Gyllenhaal has one.

• Julie Benz (Rita on Dexter) tries to rally support for Dexter’s turn on CBS as well as her role in Rambo.
• ABC is being fined for boobage on NYPD Blue. Back in 2003.
• The writers for Mad Men and Weeds are getting back to work.
• The writers strike is doing more damage — this time bringing Dan Cortese back from obscurity.
• Jorge Garcia (Hurley from Lost) talks about the new season.
• Battlestar’s third season is now being released March 18.
• New York magazine talks about shows from the 80s they’d like to see resurrected.
• TNT has bought Bones.
• ABC has slashed its number of pilot scripts.
• On Wednesday, ABC will air the Lost third season finale all Pop-up Video-like.
• Moment of Truth is doing lamentably well.
• Lifetime has a reality show about dancers and (surprise) mothers.
• Spike from Buffy is on Torchwood.
• Jeff Probst tells all about the new Survivor cast.
• Alec Baldwin, Tina Fey and the cast of The Office won SAG awards.

• Buzz shared tons of stories from the Freaks and Geeks reunion in San Francisco. (BuzzSugar)
• Sandie interviewed Sophia Myles who plays Beth Turner on MOONLIGHT (Daemon’s TV)
• Liz watched writers from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report stage a hilarious mock debate on the strike. (Glowy Box)
• Mikey wishes that James Marsters was in every episode of Torchwood. (Mikey Likes TV)
• Fergus looked at five shows that never made it to the airwaves, much to our disappointment. (Pop Vultures)
• To kick off the Adopt A Writer project Kelley interviewed Jasmine Love, a writer with credits from Moesha, The Division, and The District. (RTVW)
• Usually the first quarter is a slow time for finding new albums, but Scooter has rounded up a list of 29 albums to check out in the next four months. Well, 28 and Ashlee Simpson. (Scooter McGavin’s 9th Green)
• Vance is going to miss Betty and Chuck during the strike hiatus. (Tapeworthy)
• Jace was all about British TV this week, from an advance look at Torchwood’s second season opener to the awe-inspiring finale of Life on Mars. (Televisionary)
• Dan had some misgivings about Carson Kressley’s tepid new show How to Look Good Naked. (TiFaux)
• Raoul interviewed Rachel and TK from The Amazing Race. (TV Filter)

Glenn Beck… Please stop it.

No one thinks you’re being cute.

When I was of Bar Mitzvah age, that’s when the whole trash talk show trend really boomed. You had Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer, Sally Jessy Raphael and even Richard Bey. This was when Greg Kinnear wasn’t an Academy Award-nominated actor — just a struggling actor who was worrying he would peak with hosting Talk Soup on basic cable.

In any case, remember Jenny Jones? She was the bland blonde one whose guests were always way more outrageous than she could ever seem to handle.

Well, turns out Jenny Jones is a) still alive, and b) totally rich. So rich, in fact, that she’s giving away her money — a million bucks of it.

Under the my-wishes-came-true-let-me-help-you premise, she’s giving away a million bucks in $25,000 grants. All you have to do is fill out the application describing “your dream” and pray.

Sadly, I don’t think any of my dreams live up to the standard of “I want to buy computers for a handicapped school,” as they suggest on the site. Stupid do-gooders.
My dreams include:

• a live-in, professional chips and guacamole chef.
• a bed shaped like a spaceship with a built-in telescope.
• a surgical procedure to help me get to my “goal height” of 5′9.
• a puppy that doesn’t bark, urinate or need to be fed.

Lo is moving in with LC and Audrina on The Hills.

“New year, new house, new jobs, new boys, new everything,” said Audrina, somehow forgot to mention “new boobs, new veneral diseases, new abusive boyfriends!”

Who am I kidding, I can’t effing wait.

I still haven’t seen No Country For Old Men and that is inexcusable.

• In a very small bit of  bright strike news, NBC won’t be canceling or reducing its number of pilots.
• The Colbert Report and Daily Show writers are having a throw-back to their debate team days.
• Steven Bochco has a new legal drama with Zack Morris.
• There’s going to be a live Buffy reunion.
• USA Today celebrates the return of Lost. E-Kristin has video previews!
• Slate thinks out the ethically questionable new crop of game shows.
• They’ve announced a cast for the third and, allegedly, final season of Flavor of Love.
• Over at E!, vote for who you want to win the SAG Awards.
• And in case you haven’t seen it — via Best Week Ever — here’s Homosexuwhales.

So, you must’ve heard about the new Mac Air.

If you aren’t a Mac nerd, chances are you at least have a few in your life. No doubt, they were hitting refresh on the appropriate blogs on the day of the recent Steve Jobs press conference and salivating over the latest iWhatever was going to be introduced.

Anyways, the marketing wizards over at Mac (and I’m not being sarcastic — they’re really fucking good) have a new commercial with a really catchy song. The one that goes “I’m a new soul, I came into this strange world,” blah, blah.

Well, here it is. See for yourself.

I’ll save you some Googling. The song is by a French-Israeli dame named Yael Naim and it’s called, well, “New Soul.” Have a look-see.

Chuck is new tonight. That’s something.

There are two episodes on tonight, one at eight and one at ten.

Rejoice.