This is the best title for a TV show ever:

Bisexual Virgins: Crossing the Line

Thank you, Canada, for all you do.

I’m getting ready to talk about Project Runway.

Avert your eyes.

Go behind the jump to hear what I have to say about the winning outfit, the losing outfit and the shenanigans pulled by the powers-that-be. You know the ones I’m talking about.

• E Kristin gives us a rundown on when shows will be returning
• Showtime orders a drama that’s like Six Feet Under except with a pharmacy company instead of a funeral home
• Networks are desperate for filler: Fox remakes a Japanese human Tetris game show, NBC to make a rockstar curling game show
• Looks like the NY Times is desperate for filler as well
• Now that the strike is over, will viewers return?
• 24′s co-creator leaves the show
• Battlestar Galactica is planning on dipping into your wallet twice
• Weeds returns in June
• OMG I thought that Appalachian State University video was bad, but after watching this I just threw up in my hand cup

I even thought he was cute as Sick Boy.

Been watching Eli Stone?

I have — and while I’m not necessarily wildly enthusiastic, it’s a solidly watchable show.

I keep telling myself that the primary reason I watch is not the fact that Jonny Lee Miller is super adorable. But it kind of is, and I am honest enough to come to terms with that. I hope you can appreciate that kind of candor, folks. You and I have a relationship built on trust, TiFaux readership. (side note: when Jonny and I get married, I wouldn’t even have to change my last name!)

The gist of Eli Stone is that the titular character is a slick corporate lawyer who has to re-examine his life after suffering a brain aneurysm. It’s not just your garden variety aneurysm, though — it’s one of those kickass aneurysms where you hallucinate all sorts of crazy visions that have an eerie bearing on your everyday life (he sees a biplane and knows he needs to help represent a pilot, etc.). It kind of reminds me of Nate from Six Feet Under, only on a larger scale and less existential.

Narm.

Eli’s life is rounded out by his neurologist brother (convenient), his foxy and wrong-for-him fiancee (played by Natasha Henstridge — who I always expect to see kissing dudes and then killing them like she did in the Species movies), his father-in-law/boss (played by the dude from Alias) and his secretary (who falls safely into the archetype of sassy, matronly African American supporting characters). The guy from Ed (Tom Cavanagh) also made an appearance on the pilot as Eli’s dead dad, who also suffered from the inoperable brain aneurysm (the episode ends with Eli releasing his Ed-dad’s ashes into the wind with some distractingly awful CGI animation).

The biggest hook for the show thus far is Eli’s big, crazy hallucinations. The pilot featured a puffy modern day George Michael singing “Faith” in Eli’s bedroom. The second episode had a big musical number with a boy’s choir in the company lobby. It’s obviously a lot of fun for the producers to create as flamboyant scenes as possible — and it is fun to watch. It’s going to be interesting to see how long they can keep up the gimmick, though.

• ABC gets fined for showing some ass like 5 years ago
• How legit is Lost’s satellite phone? Experts weigh in
• Come on in! I made some iced tea! An interview with the actress from To Catch a Predator. The laundry basket and swivel chairs in the kitchen declined to comment.
• WTF! Idol expands the already dragged out portion of the show, bumping the new series by Gilmore Girls creator Amy Sherman-Palladino to a crappier timeslot
• Spoiler: Seems like everyone agrees who the winner of Project Runway will be
• Everyone’s shameful 90s obsessions are making a comeback: Saturday Night Live, Brian Austin Green, and Rita Rudner (OK, nobody obsessed over her but lets play pretend)
• Writer’s strike forcing people to yuk it up on teh internetz lol

In my Internet wanderings, I came across a little online TV show from the Netherlands called (Behind) Closed Doors. It’s from a network called 3VOOR12 and they basically shove bands into an elevator and have them perform.

I love gimmicks/concepts like this. It creates a strange, intimate atmosphere — especially since the performance are usually acoustic.

To have a taste, here’s one of my favorite new bands, Los Campesinos! performing “Don’t Tell Me To Do The Math(s).” If their Welsh accents aren’t enough to make you love them, their giddiness and their guitar-violin-glockenspiel-toy flute set up is.[kml_flashembed movie="http://youtube.com/v/fZQY9Y5spJM" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Also worthy of note — Iron and Wine (aka Sam Beam) performs stuff from his new album.

Let’s finally talk Lost, shall we?

We’re two episodes into the new season and I think it’s going pretty well. The flash-forward trick is exactly what the show needed — after all, how many more “I hate my dad” Jack flashbacks could we bear? His were always the worst, am I right?

I have to admit, the “rescue party” is nothing like I expected it to be. I thought they would be much more malevolent — perhaps Dharma Initiative operatives sent to destroy anyone who would mess with their polar bear experiments. Who knows? In any case, seems like they just want to know what we all want to know — what exactly is Ben up to?

And I really like that they’re constantly kicking the snot out of Ben. I’m a sick bastard.

Guess what? Here are some list-y things about the new Lost cast members, including information you already know and my terse, knee jerk reactions.

Miles
AKA: The tempermental ghost buster (of course, with a soft center)
Played by: Ken Leung
You know him from: Uncle Junior’s sociopathic friend in the mental ward on The Sopranos
Interesting-ness (scale of one to ten): Eight. Miles has an interesting backstory, plus he seems to be the most motivated person on the island to do whatever they have to do.

Charlotte
AKA: Saucy English archaeologist (seemingly a celluloid staple)
Played by: Rebecca Mader
You know her from: Probably nothing, but she has been on Private Practice and she was in The Devil Wears Prada
Interesting-ness (scale of one to ten): Four. So far, Charlotte seems to be a purely functional character — “the archaeologist.” Call me when she gains the power of flight or something.

Lapidus
AKA: Barnacle Bill, the bearded pilot
Played by: Jeff Fahey
You know him from: Any number of awful-sounding thriller movies/TV shows. He was in Stephen King’s The Lawnmower Man (the one where the simple handyman turns into a diabolical genius/human computer). You might recognize him when he looks like this.
Interesting-ness (scale of one to ten): Six. He probably would have been five, but he’s got a great beard.

Faraday
AKA: The hyper-sensitive physicist
Played by: Jeremy Davies
You know him from: Saving Private Ryan, Secretary (the Maggie Gyllenhaal one)
Interesting-ness (scale of one to ten): Seven. The nervous line-readings and his general antsiness make me wonder what kind of basketcase he is.

• Variety rounds up the fate of our favorite network shows
• The kids are trying to save Friday Night Lights. Hey, it worked for Jericho.
• On the 4400 save our show front, USA has received 30lbs of sunflower seeds with another 620lbs on the way
• Oprah Winfrey hosts a reunion of the Cosby kids today
• Joss Whedon talks Dollhouse
• Some guys are writing original songs recapping episodes of Lost
• A night out with Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford
• Millionaire Matchmaker, that filler show between airings of Project Runway, goes gay next season
• The cutter from Degrassi got a job with Teen Vogue
• Netflix drops HD-DVD in favor of Blu-Ray
• Not at all TV related, but if you spend your free time reading about TV then this should interest you: Pathetic Geek Stories has returned!

I’m half paying attention to the Grammy’s and I just wanted to bring this to your attention. Tina Turner is 71, y’all. And she was still strutting around that stage and belting it out like someone who, well, wasn’t 71. I’m not saying there wasn’t some obvious plastic surgery, but if I can haul my carcass off my Craftmatic adjustable bed (or futuristic equivalent) at that age, I’ll be happy.

Anyway, I’d embed a clip but they aren’t up yet. Here’s Feist’s My Moon, My Man, though.[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/zWrNCCx2p5U" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

Music snobby side notes:

• Kid Rock — who the hell do you think you are? Trashy redneck greaseball does not equal smokey jazz crooner. Hands off the ghost of Sammy Davis.
• Foo Fighters.  Winners of best rock album.  So beyond relevant.
• I can’t tell whether it was funny or sad that Jason Bateman explicitly stated the lameness of his hosting gig.
• It was strange looking at the heap of plastic, metal and feathers that used to be Cher.
• Don’t pay attention to Kanye, he won’t keep acting out.

We’re super, thanks for asking.

Guess what? New giveaway!

Good old Jorge has e-mailed us with another giveaway opportunity — this time for the new animated movie Justice League: The New Frontier, which lands in stores on Feb. 26.

The New Frontier apparently explores the origins of the Justice League (including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter and The Flash) and finds them teaming up against “a monster so formidable, even the mighty Superman cannot stop it alone.”

If it hadn’t been removed a thousand times by YouTube, I’d embed the Super Friends clip by The State. The one where they tell Aquaman to go “talk to some fish.”

Side note: the press release’s spare use of thematic verbs yields another disappointment. The only one I could spot was that the DVDs would “soar onto shelves.”

To enter, e-mail us at tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com with the subject line “Green lantern jaw.” It’s like the Before and After category on Wheel of Fortune.