Hello world! Dan’s post about accents has inspired me to get back on these interwebs and talk about New Amsterdam. Specifically, why I am not going to watch New Amsterdam any more.

On the plus side, he wears awesome three-piece suits.

If you’ve been following the show, you already know it’s about a dude (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) who’s immortal and who currently works as a homicide detective. He has a sassy lady cop sidekick, a sassy ancient bartender/son, and a cute doggy who I believe he just calls “36,” presumably in reference to however many dogs he’s had in his long, long life. He won’t be free of immortality until he finds true love, or something. (I don’t know. That part’s still being hashed out. He seems to have found the girl and she’s into him. Do they need to have sex? Get married? Does she actually have to pull the trigger?) In the meantime he solves crimes and forces us through ridiculous flashbacks that usually involve some sort of antiquated facial hair.

The best thing about the show, that kept me interested for three whole episodes (I missed the one they unexpectedly ran on a Thursday), is that he tells the truth. When asked if he’s ever been married, he says 7 or 8 times. When asked if he thinks about changing careers, he says about every 10 years. When asked why he knows so much arcane crap about New York, he says it’s because he was there. This is kind of fun.

However, I’m giving it up. I don’t normally get offended at my TV (except at bad writing), but last night’s “honor killing” episode was so patently absurd and insulting to an entire culture that I could barely believe it was happening. In the episode, an Indian woman gets raped, and then her father kills her for sullying the family name. This is ridiculous and contrived, and just not right.

Also, and I can’t stress this enough, I can’t understand half of what Amsterdam says. This accent is… inexplicable. The best I can describe is that it’s early Marlon Brando/Eastern European/Southern gentleman/Brooklyn old-timer. I just can’t understand him. I can only imagine how tough he is to comprehend without our marvelous 5.1 surround sound.

IMDB tells me the actor is Danish. That explains it a little bit. But it still does not explain why Amsterdam, the character, has such a bizarre accent. He is adorable, don’t get me wrong. But I am not a crotchety old lady (usually), and this show is turning me into one.

Basically, I’m over all this new stuff. I just want the old shows back again.

So, I have this friend who goes by the alias of Pandacita on the TiFaux comment board. Lately we’ve been speaking to each other in British accents and saying only one word: “Bamber.”

As in Jamie Bamber — renowned actor, star of Battlestar Galactica and international hottie.

(by the way, I finished the third season of Battlestar last night… say WHAT with the five Cylons?!?!)

Jamie Bamber, saying with his eyes: “Fancy a shag?”

“Jamie Bamber” is a really great name to say in a British accent (pronounced [horribly] ‘bamb-uh’). Pandacita and I have entire conversations where we just alternate saying “bamb-uh” and “hallo” and “morning guv’nah.” Perhaps tossing in a “Nice day, innit?”

It is truly disgraceful.

I don’t want to offend our English reader(s) (hello John W.) but it’s a fun discourse to engage in. Here’s a clip of a very gracious Jamie speaking to a very intimidated reporter about his accent.

On that note, I thought I would make a fun little survey — who is your favorite English actor who speaks in an American accent. Here are your choices.

• Jamie Bamber (Battlestar Galactica): I was really pretty shocked when I found out that Jamie Bamber was British. I was always under the impression that the cast of Battlestar was under a heavy Canadian influence — with thick maple syrup running through their veins. Fortunately, they recruited Englishman Jamie Bamber and his hot, towel-dropping self to play the complicated, conflicted Lee “Apollo” Adama.
• Hugh Laurie (House): Once again, here’s a guy I had no idea had a British origin until way late in the game. I guess I never felt compelled to dig into Wooster and Jeeves during my formative years (too busy, I suppose, drinking hard cider and watching the Real World/Road Rules Challenge). In any case, Laurie’s American accent is a bit more staccato — perhaps it has to do with the severity of his character’s attitude, always pointing out everyone else’s problems.
• Johnny Lee Miller (Eli Stone): This show is growing to be a burden, I’m just going to say it. It’s not bad, but I don’t care what happens. The one thing that keeps me coming back is Johnny Lee Miller, his hotness and the knowledge that he’s masking his accent.
• Polly Whatserface (Cane): I’m not even going to bother looking up the last name of the chick from Cane for several reasons (I think it’s Walker but, as I said, I’m not going to look it up). First of all, no one watched that show but me and three other people. Two, she was a minor character. Three, no one would ever accuse her of having an awesome American accent because I, myself, always find myself wondering why an heiress from Florida always spoke like she was a college junior who had experienced a really influential semester abroad in London and hadn’t quite shaken it.

• Unofficial gay network Bravo steals GLAAD Awards from official gay network Logo
• The Office’s John Krasinski talks to the Advocate about his gay following
• Project Runway winner Christian Siriano to appear on Ugly Betty
• Watch Wire creator David Simon’s lecture at USC right here
• Be on the look out for excessive product placement in the Sex and the City movie
• TV Guide has the scoop on Britney and all the other shenanigans on the set of How I Met Your Mother
• Fox and Unilever bring back 24 inspired shorts