NBC has announced its schedule for the next year, and it kind of makes me want to puke.

NO: Why dilute the Office brand with a spin-off? Why not come up with a new idea instead? Oh right. That would be expensive. And take time. But the strike means there’s none of either available. Sigh.

NO: Practically no new shows at all, and definitely no definitive season openers like we’ve had in Septembers past. And the new shows that they’ve got are stale, stale, stale. A paraplegic psychic who solves crimes? A comedy import from Australia? GET OUT.

NO: Knight Rider.

NO: “SNL Thursday Night Live” — they do know that those initials mean something, and therefore the title is actually “Saturday Night Live Thursday Night Live,” right? Also: I don’t want any more political sketches than what we already have. And why Thursday? Why??

NO: Chuck has been renewed. I can’t quit it! If they air it, I will be forced to watch! And they’re following it with a spy drama starring Christian Slater. I quote from the description of his show, because its ridiculousness cannot be summarized:

Henry Spivey (Christian Slater, “Bobby”) is a middle-class efficiency expert living a humdrum life in the suburbs with a wife, two kids, a dog, and a minivan. Edward Albright is an operative who speaks 13 languages, runs a four-minute mile, and is trained to kill with his teeth. Henry and Edward are polar opposites who share only one thing in common — the same body. When the carefully constructed wall between them breaks down, Henry and Edward are thrust into unfamiliar territory where each man is dangerously out of his element. “My Own Worst Enemy” explores the duality of a man who is literally pitted against himself. And it raises the question: who can you trust when you can’t trust yourself?

What is this, written by Donald Kaufman?

MAYBE: I kind of like the idea of Merlin starring Anthony Head. Ditto for Ian McShane’s Kings.

That is the saddest slate of new shows I’ve seen in a long time. And this is not just because they’ve deprived me of my precious upfronts. I suppose I am resistant to change, even if it’s probably going to be good for me — in theory, I am all for year-round TV. In theory. But not if it’s going to be all diluted like this schedule.

I was reading this article that Juliana Hatfield wrote about her song Make It Home — better known as “that song she played when she starred as the homeless teenager/dead girl/angel on My So-Called Life way back when.” It’s an interesting article, not only because it talks about the origin of the song and the way she approached her first-time acting role, but also because she gives a little insight on famed singer/actor/punching bag-for-hipsters Jared Leto.

Even though he isn’t mentioned at all in the article, thinking of My So-Called Life got me thinking about one of its most unnerving characters (to me, at least): Brian Krakow. Krakow was an all-too-real depiction of a high school nerd — one that doesn’t come around that often. Watching him with his blond ‘fro and awkward interactions is a painful reminder of being 14 and just praying you’ll be able to get through gym class without being humiliated.

Then there are nerds like Tina Fey — people who are smart and wear glasses and are, as a matter of fact, cooler than you’ll ever be. These days, nerds are fetishized to a degree where it’s harder and harder to try to be unironically cool. Keep in mind that “nerdiness” doesn’t necessarily imply the stereotypical Urkel-ian norms. Nerdiness can be defined by a general beta mentality — folks who did stage tech in theater or spent hours upon hours teaching themselves to juggle.

Conversely, there are also folks who are supposed to be cool, but aren’t. If you walked into a restaurant dressed like The Fonz, most people would beat you up upon entry. And not a jury in the world would convict them.

On that note, here’s a chart comparing the cool nerdery and nerdy coolness. Feel free to tell me who I’m missing.

• Supernatural actor lined up for 90210 remake. More details about the plot are posted here.
• Nickelodeon to begin work on Spectacular! a High School Musical ripoff
• Is there an actor’s strike looming?
• Expect all sorts of zany promotions for the premiere of Battlestar Galactica
• Travel company offers Sex and the City tour for $24,000. Chinatown bus offers the same tour for $35 roundtrip.
• AV Club interviews the lovable Amy Poehler
• Kristen Bell in talks to reunite with Rob Thomas
• Today’s Lost conspiracy theory: The island is a living entity! Part 1, Part 2
• Mr T brings a boy out of a 20 year coma, seriously
• Creepy Full House “not my father” reenactments for art film