Ask a Lesbian About Last Night’s Work Out: Porn, beatings, emotional exploitation

Posted by Dan May 27th, 2008 at 11:45am In The Gays Work Out

Since we took last week off of Ask a Lesbian, we have plenty of ground to cover. Let’s see, what did we miss?

Jackie took the whole crew, plus Skylabbers, out to a retreat where she proceeded to crush their spirits. But crush their spirits in a benevolent way so she can build them back up to be lean, mean, non-processed food eating, sugar-shunning machines. Deenie gets a psychological beat-down in group therapy and you get that she only mostly deserved it.

The trainers stay up drinking one night. Rebecca does a genius impression of Jackie (I totally love impressions that only have a threadbare connection to the subject — much like Amy Poehler’s Hillary Clinton). Renessa and Greg P. (I’ve been asked why he is so strange-looking, aside from — you know — his freakishly hulking frame. I think it’s the boyishness of his face off-set by his superhero jawline. That’s just a guess, though.) get drunk and have a totally excessive romp in the hot tub and pool. Greg doesn’t show up for the beachside work out the next morning and is summarily chewed out.

Peeler shows up at a charity event (in honor of Doug) drunk. We find out his marriage has dissolved as well. Jackie tries to talk to him and she almost approaches it like a grown-up, but when Peeler loses his temper she reverts right back to alpha dog status. Oh well.

Enough about summaries, on to the lesbians!

1. Jason from Texas asks: That scene with Renessa and Greg fooling around in the pool and hot tub was kind of porny. I thought it was really hot, personally. Do lesbians watch porn?

Sam: Before I answer this question I just want to clear up something that was said last week. I was not, repeat not, planning a potluck. My version of a potluck would include brats, beer, and charcoal. I don’t need people getting the wrong impression of me [ed note -- my apologies. And thanks, Sam, for helping me reshingle my roof this weekend.]. Now to the question, yes, lesbians watch porn. We are human and sexual. And here’s the kicker my dear friend Jason, some lesbians even watch heterosexual porn. Thats right, male and female. Crazy, huh?

Jasmine: Jason, I suppose there are some lesbians who watch porn (see Sam), but I just like to cuddle and braid my girlfriend’s hair. However, the word “porny” gets me kinda hot.

2. Paul from Delaware wants to know: Jackie was scary at that beach training! So much yelling… Why is she so mean? Is that hot?

Sam: Nope. Not hot. She’s just a pain in the ass. Okay, well, some yelling is necessary, some of these people need a good kick in the ass. But, its not hot. It would be hot of course if Agostina handled it.

Jasmine: These people went to the retreat to have Jackie yell at them and whip them into shape - at least that is why I would be there. She’s so tough, its very hot.

3. Stephanie from Michigan has a question: I thought that the whole televised group therapy thing was kind of appalling. Who would want their baggage aired on TV like that? What do you think?

Sam: I agree its a bit much. Not sure how I feel about it being on television, and the way they attack that one girl. But they did sign up to be on this show, they knew what they were getting into. And it is what sells, and hey, you watched it.

Jasmine: People love their baggage aired on TV - are you kidding? Jerry Springer?

4. Josh from Maryland asks: Jasmine, if you were to make Jackie over, what would you do to her? Sam, do you think that you could take Jackie in a fight?

Sam: Josh, I have been waiting for this question since the blog started. The answer is most definitely yes, I could could in fact kick Jackie’s ass up and down the street. She thinks shes a badass, but shes been too busy making candy bars and clothes that she is out of shape. This alpha female thing needs to be checked a bit.

Jasmine: Jackie is so hot - she doesn’t need to be made over (I’m even getting used to the longer hair). She just needs a little more drama in her relationship. Maybe an affair with Agostina would help that - Raaahr!