There’s a new show on ABC called Life on Mars, which is an adaptation of a BBC show.[kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/1GBHvkoDnOE" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

As you can see from the above clip, the show follows a detective who gets hit by a car and teleported into the early 1970s. (shhh…. don’t ask questions) There’s a serial killer involved at some point, and a pretty girl two. Colm Meaney (!) shows up as the tough-as-nails police chief. It seems to follow in the vein of the one-man mystery solver with a supernatural twist tradition (see Journeyman, Medium, etc.) — this one seems to be a hybrid of those two shows with a bit of Starsky and Hutch and Hill Street Blues thrown in.

In the grand TiFaux tradition of hasty snap judgements and baseless predictions, here’s my take: This is one of those shows will probably end up being decent, but not a must-see. Thusly, I give it one season. I have a sneaking suspicion I’d rather watch a show that featured Colm Meaney sipping a Guiness and telling stories about small Irish towns in his lilting accent. Oh well.

Although I kinda hated his attitude, I really thought Dale was going to make it to the finals, especially since he ranked #2 in last week’s point table. And what’s up with the tease of bringing Jennifer back? Can’t we swap her for Lisa? Isn’t there some reality TV rule about swapping sourpussed lesbians for cute ones? I need to petition my congressman.

As for the final four, besides the obvious top 3, it should be a matter of who fucks up less: Spike or Lisa.

Rank based on scoring: 2 points for a win, 1 point for a Quickfire win or appearance in top, -1 point for appearance in bottom

• Milwaukee gets a bronze Fonz, remind me to use that as an answer the next time I play Stinky Pinky
• What we aren’t watching: Oprah’s ratings tumble
• Ned Flanders scores a book deal
• Creepy: Cartoon characters humanized
• Hulu is popular… but only for Family Guy clips
• E! Kristin has a roundup of when summer shows will be returning: Part 1, Part 2
• Dollhouse fans have already started a Save Our Show campaign prior to, you know, the show debuting
• No excuse to miss it: Molly Shannon’s new show Kath & Kim airs right after The Office
• Dick Martin, the laid-back half of the Laugh-In duo, is dead at 86
• If you like XXXL blood splattered clothing then check out The Sopranos auction
• Flavor Flav dumps reality skanks, proposes to the mother of his son
• Expect at least 3 more Terminator movies
• This day in lists: Which Brits have the best American accent?

Since we took last week off of Ask a Lesbian, we have plenty of ground to cover. Let’s see, what did we miss?

Jackie took the whole crew, plus Skylabbers, out to a retreat where she proceeded to crush their spirits. But crush their spirits in a benevolent way so she can build them back up to be lean, mean, non-processed food eating, sugar-shunning machines. Deenie gets a psychological beat-down in group therapy and you get that she only mostly deserved it.

The trainers stay up drinking one night. Rebecca does a genius impression of Jackie (I totally love impressions that only have a threadbare connection to the subject — much like Amy Poehler’s Hillary Clinton). Renessa and Greg P. (I’ve been asked why he is so strange-looking, aside from — you know — his freakishly hulking frame. I think it’s the boyishness of his face off-set by his superhero jawline. That’s just a guess, though.) get drunk and have a totally excessive romp in the hot tub and pool. Greg doesn’t show up for the beachside work out the next morning and is summarily chewed out.

Peeler shows up at a charity event (in honor of Doug) drunk. We find out his marriage has dissolved as well. Jackie tries to talk to him and she almost approaches it like a grown-up, but when Peeler loses his temper she reverts right back to alpha dog status. Oh well.

Enough about summaries, on to the lesbians!

1. Jason from Texas asks: That scene with Renessa and Greg fooling around in the pool and hot tub was kind of porny. I thought it was really hot, personally. Do lesbians watch porn?

Sam: Before I answer this question I just want to clear up something that was said last week. I was not, repeat not, planning a potluck. My version of a potluck would include brats, beer, and charcoal. I don’t need people getting the wrong impression of me [ed note -- my apologies. And thanks, Sam, for helping me reshingle my roof this weekend.]. Now to the question, yes, lesbians watch porn. We are human and sexual. And here’s the kicker my dear friend Jason, some lesbians even watch heterosexual porn. Thats right, male and female. Crazy, huh?

Jasmine: Jason, I suppose there are some lesbians who watch porn (see Sam), but I just like to cuddle and braid my girlfriend’s hair. However, the word “porny” gets me kinda hot.

2. Paul from Delaware wants to know: Jackie was scary at that beach training! So much yelling… Why is she so mean? Is that hot?

Sam: Nope. Not hot. She’s just a pain in the ass. Okay, well, some yelling is necessary, some of these people need a good kick in the ass. But, its not hot. It would be hot of course if Agostina handled it.

Jasmine: These people went to the retreat to have Jackie yell at them and whip them into shape – at least that is why I would be there. She’s so tough, its very hot.

3. Stephanie from Michigan has a question: I thought that the whole televised group therapy thing was kind of appalling. Who would want their baggage aired on TV like that? What do you think?

Sam: I agree its a bit much. Not sure how I feel about it being on television, and the way they attack that one girl. But they did sign up to be on this show, they knew what they were getting into. And it is what sells, and hey, you watched it.

Jasmine: People love their baggage aired on TV – are you kidding? Jerry Springer?

4. Josh from Maryland asks: Jasmine, if you were to make Jackie over, what would you do to her? Sam, do you think that you could take Jackie in a fight?

Sam: Josh, I have been waiting for this question since the blog started. The answer is most definitely yes, I could could in fact kick Jackie’s ass up and down the street. She thinks shes a badass, but shes been too busy making candy bars and clothes that she is out of shape. This alpha female thing needs to be checked a bit.

Jasmine: Jackie is so hot – she doesn’t need to be made over (I’m even getting used to the longer hair). She just needs a little more drama in her relationship. Maybe an affair with Agostina would help that – Raaahr!

• First look at the Family Guy spinoff The Cleveland Show
• Alec Baldwin still hasn’t finalized a contract with 30 Rock
• Time: Less Lost is more
• Spike (James Marsters) to play Buzz Aldrin in Moonshot
• Oprah is going vegan
• 2 hour episode of Heroes is coming our way
• Is America’s first gay superhero coming to TV?
• People still bored with American Idol
• The NY Times interviews Amanda from The Paper
• What we aren’t watching: Denise Richards and Living Lohan
• Still not funny: The mother from the Family Circus cartoon strip has died
• This day in lists: Spinoffs we’d like to see

• Between Girlfriends, Jericho, Aliens in America and many others, there are plenty of newly canceled shows to mourn. Buzz wants to know: Which one bums you out the most? (BuzzSugar)
• This week, Eric wondered how much you would pay to watch your favorite TV show. (Daemon’s TV)
• Mikey’s infatuation with the fourth season of Desperate Housewives lasted until the final two minutes, which he worries might force the series back into a creative coma. (Mikey Likes TV)
• Marcia picked the five new shows that you absolutely, positively can afford to miss. (Pop Vultures)
• Examining what makes her stick with Heroes despite it’s let-down of a second season but drop Brothers & Sisters over a disappointing storyline, Jody wonders what kind of fan you are: fickle or faithful? (RTVW Online)
• Scooter takes a look back to see which of CBS’s comedies had a better year, How I Met Your Mother or The Big Bang Theory, hint: it was the one without Britany Spears. (Scooter McGavin’s 9th Green)
• Vance thought Grey’s Anatomy‘s season finale was rock solid! ABC is doing pretty well with the 2 hour finales so far, no? Desperate Housewives was great, can’t wait for Lost now!(Tapeworthy)
• This week, Jace put on his Pilot Inspektor cap and reviewed the pilot episodes for several new series, including FOX’s new J.J. Abrams drama Fringe (“spellbinding television”), ABC’s misguided US adaptation of UK series Life on Mars, and HBO’s True Blood. (Televisionary)
• Lost’s flash-forward, Desperate Housewives’ leap in time, Battlestar Galactica’s skip to New Caprica — it seems like more and more shows are shaking up their formats. Dan evaluates the new trend. (TiFaux)
• Jennifer vented her anger about the shocking Bones finale, and for those of you who missed it, check out her exclusive interview with One Tree Hill’s James Lafferty. (Tube Talk)
• Take a trip down memory lane with theTVaddict.com’s tribute to TV shows that are no longer with us. Yes Moonlight & Men in Trees fans, we’re talking to you. (the TV Addict)
• Raoul talked with perfect 10 Whitney from America’s Next Top Model. (TV Filter)

Hey it’s Memorial Day weekend filler time! Might as well introduce you to one of my favorite online content producers (besides, you know, the ones that make porn).

Pretty Thingsss produces some of the funniest videos I’ve seen on the net: a mix of drag, awkwardness, gentle comedy, crude drawings and bad synthesizers with the occasional visit from Kip from Napoleon Dynamite. You might also recognize Amanda as she’s one half of The Ditty Bops. If you get a chance check out their Youtube channel, especially the Popcorn and Mulberry Commons series. And don’t be an idiot like me and watch them out of order and then not get it for 6 months, then watch it again in order to realize they’re hysterical.

Here’s a sampling of their videos: