It’s been a while since we last checked in with our resident Sapphic correspondents, but since the conclusion of Work Out’s third season, it’s about time we got their take on the season as a whole.
1. Marcie from Rehoboth Beach wrote in to ask: Girls, I’m going to level with you. I was really surprised that Jackie and Briana seemed to patch things up in the end. Or at least get on the road to improving their relationship. Do you think that it’ll last a year?
Sam: Yeah, thats what lesbians do. They break up and get back together again, then break up and get back together again, then break up and get back together again, did I mention break up and get back together again? You see, there are multiple levels of breaking up in a lesbian relationship. I like to think of it like Dante’s Inferno. Many different rings, many stages to go through. And it just keeps getting shittier. But no, it won’t last more than a year.
Jasmine: It won’t last. Jackie can’t trust that young Briana and, as Sam said, it will continue to spiral down into a macabre spectacle that I can only hope we will see at the beginning of next season.
2. Doug from Madison, Wisconsin asks: As someone who has lost more than half his body weight over the course of the past year, I find it really touching how all of the Sky Lab clients dropped so much weight at the end of the season. As much of a mess as Jackie is, you have to say that she’s a good trainer and getter of results, right?
Sam: Yeah, she is really good at what she does thats for sure. Her trainers are also really talented. Especially Agostina (how come there hasn’t been more questions on Agostina!?!) I’m now going to change this question to something else because dammit, its my last chance…..
Lauren from Washington D.C. writes: Sam, aren’t you madly in love with Agostina and want to make sweet love to her all night long?
Sam: Why yes Lauren, I AM madly in love with her and want to make sweet love to her all night long. Thank you so much for asking. Agostina if you are reading this, I will gladly move out there to be with you. And not in a stalkerish sort of way at all. I swear.
Jasmine: Wow. Um…Doug, to answer YOUR question, I would agree that Jackieis very good at what she does. The SkyLab section of the show is by far my favorite. I hope that other fans find as much inspiration from the SkyLab clients as I do, but I know there are some shallow fans out there that only want to focus on the drama and fantasizing about the
trainers. By the way – I hope you weighed more than 200 lbs.
3. Lisa from Denver has a query: I found myself liking Rebecca more this season than in seasons past. She wasn’t so nuts and insecure. Do you agree?
Sam: Yeah, but they also didn’t focus that much on Rebecca and her craziness cause she wasn’t with Jackie. I think if something was actually going on between them, she would’ve been the same as she was last season.
Jasmine: I agree.
4. Stu from Philly has a very direct question: So, you’re lesbians, right? What exactly do you do?
Sam: Stu I’m glad you asked that. First off, yes I am in fact a lesbian. I love my women and only understand men to do one thing and one thing alone. I’ll leave that first answer with that. As for what we do, Lesbianism is a very complicated balance between drama and power tools. We have to make sure we mess with other women’s minds frequently while building enough sheds to hit our home depot members club quota. I’ll tell you, its exhausting, but worth it. You should see the discounts I get at this store!
Jasmine: Yes. I only have romantic relationships and sex with women – that is what I do. Among other various legal and illegal activities.