When I saw him this weekend, I was really tempted to tell Top Chef 4’s Spike that his cats were okay. However, I don’t really like talking to celebrities (and I do count Bravo reality stars celebrities — albeit short-term).

This wasn’t a chance meeting, though. This past weekend TiFaux John and I — and no less than five other gay boys (plus a straight couple for good measure) — took a trip to Spike’s new restaurant on Capitol Hill. The Good Stuff Eatery just opened last week and this is its first weekend in operation.

Here’s the lowdown (and a quick tour of the joint to get you in the mood).

The restaurant is located on Capitol Hill in south east DC, occupying the space formerly held by Pulp — a tchatchke store that is like the lovechild of Spencer’s Gifts, a sex toy store, and a comic book store. It’s located on a busy strip near such landmarks as the Hawk ‘n’ Dove and the gay cowboy bar, Remington’s. Good Stuff Eatery sells high quality fast food. Some may call it comfort food, but in the end it’s just burgers and fries.

Since this was the busy opening weekend, we had to wait outside the store and have an elder relative (uncle? father?) of Spike’s let us in. Said elder relative was a very chatty man with gray hair who talked up the cuisine and gave effusive praise to everything on the menu. After telling my crew that Good Stuff sold beer he followed up by saying that — no need to worry — he wouldn’t have to check our IDs. Then he paused and pointed at me, saying “except for you.” It was at that point that I realized I was the only beardless member of my entourage.

So he lets us in and says “You can line up after that blonde woman in the line. Now be good — no touching!” Joke’s on you, Mr. Man. In any case, after waiting in that line, we waited in another line to order as Spike himself barked orders (like all chefs do) to his crew. Here’s a summary of the food (view the menu here).

Things I tasted:

• Good Stuff Melt (no mushrooms) - This burger was basically just a patty melt with muenster, cheddar and sauteed onions. And mushrooms, if you like eating disgusting fungi that grows in poo. For those of you who have tried Five Guys, I feel like Good Stuff’s burgers are a close cousin to that restaurant’s. They were super juicy and gooey with cheese. However, in the end, I feel like Five Guys had the superior patty. I did appreciate Good Stuff’s buttery bun, though.
• Village fries - While I like the concept of super-herby fries (rosemary, thyme, cracked pepper), everyone at the table agreed that they were way too heavily seasoned. You kind of had to shake off each fry unless you wanted to devour an entire spice rack.
• Onion rings - The onion rings were pretty tasty, if unremarkable. They tended to clump together in one big mass that you had to break apart.
• Various dipping sauces - One of the highlights of the establishment is all of the dipping sauces they give you for their fries. In addition to ketchup and mustard, you can hrave mango mayo, Sriracha mayo, Old Bay mayo and more. As I am an Old Bay fiend, I definitely fatted out with a heaping helping of that sauce.

In the end, I got a fountain drink, an order of onion rings and a burger and it cost me $13. A bit pricey for what you get at a takeout joint. Reading over this, it kind of sounds like I didn’t like it — but all of the food was pretty tasty. Then again, it’s hard to go wrong with red meat, cheese and fried potatoes.

Oh, and I didn’t get a dessert, but a friend said the malt was delicious.

Despite their best efforts to sabotage this coming season of Project Runway, Bravo finally announced the cast! More on this as it develops. For now, click here to browse the designers (starting with Blayne).

Fun fact: there is a designer this season named Suede. Perhaps that is a new niche — the crazy name person — in the wake of Sweet P.

Enjoy!

I’m still on my “staycation”. Please enjoy this awkward clip of Tootie and Cloris Leachman rehearsing then pervertedly watching Stacey Q performing 2 of Hearts