Clay’s made it official — he’s a lesbian. Or at least his haircut is.

This week on Gossip Girl: Everyone went broke because all their money was in Lehman and Merrill Lynch. Chuck hocks everything in the Palace Hotel and hops a container ship to Venezuela, because we don’t have an extradition treaty with Venezuela. Nate gets sent to Oz in his father’s place and becomes Ryan O’Reily’s bitch. Dan learns what it’s like to actually be middle class and has to go to SUNY. Jenny’s turning tricks at the Holland Tunnel. Blair and Serena get jobs at the Qdoba opening across the street from my apartment. Rufus’s lame-ass gallery goes under and he takes a job as a fact-checker at Rolling Stone. Bart and Lily learn where Target is and, faced with the ugly reality of generic breakfast cereal, Eric begins acting out by tagging the 7 train. Vanessa carries on with two-for-one lesbian taco night in Queens. Even Gossip Girl suffers—her cell service gets turned off and she’s reduced to Xeroxing a ‘zine in the finest tradition of up-by-the-bootstraps individualism.

• Skater dude from High School Musical gets sentenced to a year in prison for armed robbery
• Captain Obvious gets into casting: Lucy Lawless to appear on The L Word
• Kathy Griffin signs on to a 5th season of My Life on the D-List
• NY Times: Terminator is a bleak show for bleak times
• Critics aren’t liking the season 3 premiere of Heroes
• Don’t expect Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy to hook up anytime soon
• Popular mechanics fact checks Fringe episode 2
• ABC picks up a companion show to Lost about the whole world blacking out for 2 minutes and having a vision of the future
• Was this the lamest Emmys ever?
• TV’s new viral tool: Construction sites
• This day in lists: The 10 worst syndicated adventure TV series ever