Gossip Girl: So this is Christmas (Hare Krishna)

Posted by sara December 2nd, 2008 at 12:00pm In All Things TV General Gossip Girl

Greetings, disgruntled twentysomethings. Did you miss Gossip Girl as much as I did? That is to say, mildly, kind of like you miss Stovetop stuffing the 10 months of the year it isn’t acceptable to eat it at two meals a day? This week, Serena finally found herself a worthy adversary in her weaselly artist boyfriend’s perky, pithy ex; Jenny remembered that she’s a fifteen-year-old and is supposed to worry about boys rather than her career; Bart is slimy and evil; and Nate and Vanessa are so doing it. I hope! SOMEONE has to do it! This show has been as racy as Baptist sleepaway camp lately.

V, it is your own fault for believing a 15-year-old made this dress.

Have I mentioned how much I love Dorota? When Blair and Chuck were making their little wager, she was lurking, concerned, in the background, just being deeply, deeply awesome. I love how she bakes and Blair says she’s the one doing it, and how she frowns on physical interpretations of Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop.” (”God is watching, Miss Blair.”) And how she appears to loathe Chuck more than mildew on bathtub grout. She uses Facebook! She thinks long hair equals whore! She may be nudging Chuck out of first place in the Characters I Want to Get Drunk With and Play With Each Other’s Hair sweepstakes.

The evil Constance Billiard Ho Bag Squad reared its many heads again this week as everyone schemed about the winter’s most importantest social event ever, the Snowflake Ball. (Srsly?) One evil wench enlisted Jenny to make her a dress for the ball (which was, BTW, hagsville), and Jenny, in a fit of pique over Vanessa’s perceived betrayal (OMG she kissed Nate! When she spent the beginning of the season, you know, kissing Nate! Horror!), passed on Token Minority’s see-through designer gown to Vanessa so she’d take her knickers on parade in front of 17-year-old New York society.

Awesome detail of the week: Bart Bass’s secretary is named Mrs. Landingham. Sometimes I think the Gossip Girl writers were put on this earth to make me giggle. Second most awesome detail: NASTIA LIUKIN OMFG!

I love what both of you are wearing, now take it off and go get it on in the damn limo!

So, the Snowflake Ball. Dan went with Serena’s new bf’s ex, and none of the four appeared to notice that it’s, oh, inappropriate for people out of college to attend the equivalent of winter prom. And that these people just know way too much about each other’s lives. Stop telling everyone you’re having sex in two hours, children! Jesus. And get off my lawn. Blair and Chuck agreed to pick out dates for each other, and the fellow Chuck found looked like the love child of James Marsters and Ben Whishaw. (I can’t find a picture of him, but trust me, I’m right.) And they continued hissing and clawing at each other as Rufus and Lily (WOOOOO RUFUS AND LILY I LOVE YOU PLEASE MAKE OUT NOW) made eyes at each other and Lily decided to leave Bart (that was fast). But Bart still has his awful private detective digging up dirt on Lily’s sordid history (my money’s on lost Rufus’s baby after her mother made her leave him, then had a little breakdown) but now he’s dead, because he’s the Caleb Nichol of this show. Next week: Intrigue! Chuck looking slovenly! More secrets! Lily gets Bart’s money! I’m just glad the show isn’t going away till January like Life on Mars did.