Welcome back! The only good thing about Monday and being back at work is that we get more Gossip Girl. And this week we got a whole lot: Chuck’s hot uncle Jack, a ton of Dorota, Serena broke up with Aaron (WOOOOOO SERENA!), and Jenny realizing that she is, in fact, a fifteen-year-old. Oh! And the Rufus-Lily love child lives!
I was never a huge nighttime soap–watcher (no Melrose Place for me, thanks Mom, way to cripple my blogging career), but there was a brief dalliance with As the World Turns in college, and if there’s one thing sudsy serials taught me, it’s that 1) characters use each other’s names way more than real people ever do, and 2) Gossip Girl kind of needs to step up its game. The show is obviously kind of beyond Kelly Taylor choosing herself levels of plotting, but it would be nice to see some mad wig-ripping. Like, the Lilfus love child needs to show up mid-affair with someone. Or! Ooh, it could be Georgina! That would be awesome.
Did I mention Chuck’s hot uncle Jack? Kind of half Lance Armstrong, half Rob Estes. I wouldn’t have figured that would work, but raaaar. I think we should keep him around and he should shag…someone. Lily? Serena? Nate? I don’t really care. Just someone, anyone, take your pants off. There’s way too much standing around and talking intensely at each other lately. Although it seems Uncle Jack may have nailed Blair. Which would be pretty wig-ripping, I gotta say.
Related: Rufus is horrible. His anger at Lily for giving up their baby has turned him into a blandly vicious prude (it appears Matthew Settle had an unpleasant Method acting–ectomy over Christmas) who won’t let Dan and Serena get it on in the giant Brooklyn loft. That is not the kind of high-quality parenting we’ve come to expect on Gossip Girl. Or does Rufus just think that Serena might be the baby? Mathematically it’s impossible, but when has this show ever paid attention to math? They asked us to believe Lily was rocking Doc Martens and lunchbox purses (and also shagging Trent Reznor) during Lincoln Hawk’s ’80s heyday. Uh-huh. I suppose it would be too much to ask them to make a timeline and watch a little I [Heart] the ’80s?
God, I love Blair and Chuck. I love her hat and her lipstick. I love when he crumples into a sweaty, tragic mess. I love them together. On that score, well played, Gossip writers.