Gossip Girl: Jane Austen wouldn’t have any problems with this

Posted by sara January 13th, 2009 at 08:00am In General Gossip Girl

This week: The return of Nate! I missed Manbangs so much. And thank Gossip Girl he showed up to the reading of Bart Bass’s will to give his precious love, Chuck, all the moral support an amoral, self-destructive, pretty little plum could want or need. The look on Chuck’s face when Nate showed up was like whatever’s inside him actually switched back on for the first time since Bart died. Which was super sweet. But then Bart left him the controlling share in Bass Industries, which Chuck then tried to hand off to his (SURELY EVIL) uncle Jack, who (ew) nailed Blair at some point in the past. Could there be more daddy issues in that room?

Not pictured: Rest of big happy family

Not pictured: Rest of big happy family

In related news: Something is totally, terribly wrong with Eric van der Woodsen’s hair. It appears his colorist has gone the way of any alone time with his sparkly teenage boyfriend Jonathan, since Jenny is enthusiastically cockblocking him at every turn. Again: Shut up, Jenny. And shut up, three little twats of the apocalypse! Yes, the mini mean girls from episode 3 reappeared, only to act as a distraction to allow Nelly Yuki to steal Dan’s phone. And then share the text revealing the Lilfus baby with Evil Bitches, Inc. Nelly! Come back from the dark side!

There was one truly creepy moment on the show that made me intensely glad I didn’t go to high school in the era of mobile communications. Shortly after Penelope and the Mean Girl Squad (and their collection of completely adorable plaid coats) overheard Dan talking to Rufus about how he can’t tell Serena that they share a half-sibling and therefore it’s a little icky and incesty (you know, I really don’t see it) and then texted Gossip Girl about how Lonelyboy is obvs cheating on S, Dan walked out of the school building into a gauntlet of beady-eyed, gleaming-haired hawks staring hungrily at him and lusting to shred the flesh from his bones. It was chilling. Or I may be extrapolating my own high school experience.

Also gross: Uncle Jack answering “you, obviously” to Blair’s “What do you want?” Statutory rape was gross when Nate was tapping the Baroness Schrader and it’s gross now. Basically everything about Uncle Jack gives me the creeps now. It didn’t seem as icky when Chuck was procuring his own hookers and blow, but Jack hiring escorts for him just seems … untoward. I suppose I’m just in a terribly prudish rut right now. It’s all the tremendously wholesome Veronica Mars and Friday Night Lights I’ve been watching lately.

And on the subject of Rufus Jr.: Rufus is still being a tremendous, selfish ass. I get that he’s heartbroken over this kid he never knew he had, but there are two kids he knows about that he has abandoned wholesale (not that he knew the news of the Humphrey–van der Woodsen hybrid would come out via Gossip Girl, but still, they are minors) to go on this mad pursuit, punishing Lily all the way. Yes, it’s sad. But like I’ve hollered at Brothers & Sisters for the last couple of episodes, he’s not that kid’s father. Chris, the man who adopted and raised him, is his father. God, Rufus. Stop being such a fucking child.

Wait, WHAT?! He’s dead? Why bother with all this? Gaah. All right, there has to be some sort of Christopher Pike faked-my-own-death-with-a-stolen-stash-of-cocaine-and-then-set-some-kids-I-hated-on-fire scenario going on here. Right? I mean, Chuck Bass said “I’m sorry.” Stranger things have happened. (Ha. I am totally right on this one.)

1 Comment

  • 1. katie  |  January 13th, 2009 at 9:57 am

    not dead–the adoptive parents had “already lost one child” and didn’t want to lose another to the rich beautiful people from new york. their biological child was probably the one who died in the boat accident. this is the theory i am working with, anyway.

    also, the best line from the episode when was chuck thought his dad’s letter might include the question “why do you wear so much purple?” amazing.


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