Gossip Girl: That’s still Columbia

Posted by sara January 20th, 2009 at 10:00am In General Gossip Girl

Tonight Gossip Girl celebrated Martin Luther King Jr.’s life and legacy by introducing some people of color into the show! Just kidding. But Blair’s dad came back with his sexy French boyfriend (related: Are Eleanor and Cyrus EVER coming back?!) and Dorota got an awesome Yale sweater, because once again the denizens of Gossip land were fixated on Yale as if no other school exists in the entire damn world, and like the casts of 90210: Original Recipe and Saved By the Bell, all the Gossip ladies and Gossip fellows will surely go to the same college. Except for Jessie. She went to Stanford.

In other news, Lilfus are banging each other silly and being disgustingly sappy all over the effing place now that Rufus is totally over the fact that she gave away their son and he died his parents lied about his death. (And Kelly Rutherford is adorably, totally with child, except that we will not speak of it, just like over on How I Met Your Mother, because they haven’t seen fit to write it in [yet].) Poor Eric.

So Serena and Dan got into Yale and Blair got waitlisted. I don’t have a lot of experience with Ivy League admissions, but wasn’t Serena kind of a delinquent for awhile there? She went off to boarding school mid-year as a sophomore (I think) then showed back up as a junior, which would leave some unpleasant holes in a transcript. And I am not entirely convinced she’s literate. I guess we’ll just shove this latest violation of reality under the bed with Nelly Yuki’s fashion sense, Chuck’s stash of transgender hookers, and the timeline of Rufus and Lily’s relationship (the spinoff is going to have so much fun with that). Also, she’s incredibly powerful and can convince the dean of Yale to give her admissions slot to Blair. Whatevs.

There’s a new English teacher at Constance! And she looks very, very young (the actress was born in 1983, which I would have said makes her way too young to be a high school teacher, but then I have to remember that my brother, born in 1983, is a high school teacher) and Blair hates her. Because she gave her a B on one paper and that will clearly destroy her GPA. Which only proves that Blair can’t do math. It’s another nice nod to Gossip Girl‘s complete lack of connection to anything approaching reality that only now, near the end of Blair’s four-year reign of terror at Constance, does she catch a punishment for what’s really one of her less evil and vindictive stunts. Come on. That teacher is an idiot for trusting Blair (don’t they have a faculty lounge at Constance? Where someone would have warned her about the be-hair-ribboned sociopath in fourth period?) and she’s going to do something highly inappropriate with Dan. Getting what she deserves, I say.

I love Chuck’s non sequiturs so very, very much. Like how he tried to buy anthrax with Uncle Jack’s credit card, and got him on the sex offender registry. Ha! But both Chuck and Jack are still making veiled, viperish references to Lily’s sordid past, and I hope the writers have some sort of fire behind that smoke. Because aside from being married like fourteen times and taking off her clothes for Robert Mapplethorpe, what has she done that’s so bad? I’m going to need to see evidence that she was a member of the Khmer Rouge or something.

And then everyone went to the opera. Even Vanessa! She got herself and Nate terrible seats down in the pit where all the other tubercular poor people hurl the rotten bits of their lunch at the performers if they don’t like the show and it’s a penny to sit on a cushion, while all the rich people sneered and Gwyneth Paltrow dressed up as a boy to make out with Joseph Fiennes. And Nate was a gross snob about it, so they moved to Nate’s box and made out in front of the entire audience.

Remember back to the pilot, when Chuck tried to rape Serena and Jenny? Yeah, apparently it runs in the family, because Uncle Jack tried to rape Lily after she signed the paperwork (initiated before Bart’s death, aww) to adopt Chuck and become his legal guardian, therefore transferring control of Bass Industries to herself and Chuck, cutting Jack out. But he was unsuccessful, because this is not SVU and we’re not ready for the sexual assault of a pregnant woman on an 8 p.m. show, I don’t think.

Next week it’s a rerun. Boo!

1 Comment

  • 1. TV Talk From Fellow TV Ad&hellip  |  January 28th, 2009 at 8:30 pm

    […] In this week’s Gossip Girl recap, Sara draws some comparisons to Saved By The Bell and 90210. (TiFaux) […]


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