• Dan’s fave Mad Men to return in July
• Tom Collichio saved a woman’s life by performing the Heimlich maneuver
• Plans for a Dr. Horrible sequel are hidden in the commentary of the DVD
• 30 Rock and The Office get renewed, Amy Poehler’s show begins April 9th
• Michael Cera still not on board for the Arrested Development movie
• Meet the guy who keeps track of Lost’s plotlines
• Michelle Obama’s hairstylist gets his own TV show
• Ron Moore talks about why he chose Ellen to be the fifth Cylon
• This day in lists: 5 reasons the Fringe team is the worst department in the FBI
• Worst commercial placement ever:
  [kml_flashembed movie="http://www.youtube.com/v/LW2_2ihIuzI" width="425" height="350" wmode="transparent" /]

I don’t know if you know this already, but Lost comes back tonight. What? It’s been covered in pretty much ever media outlet? I hadn’t noticed.

Fine, I have. Here is a sample of the chattering:

• God, when was that last episode? If, like me, you’ve already forgotten everything, TV Guide reminds you where everyone was when last season ended.
• Jorge Garcia (Hurley) makes the rounds, talking to both New York and Time Out New York. Dude.
• A.V. Club’s “The Hater” comes up with yet another Lost drinking game. Take a drink whenever Juliet makes her bitch-face, y’all.
• Vulture compiles a list of 20 questions they’d like to see answered this season. (“How big was the settlement from Oceanic Airlines?…Did they get billions? If so, why can’t they just pay Ben or Charles Widmore to explain what the hell is going on?”) The site also compiles a list of the Internet’s craziest theories about the show.
• Even if you’ve research all of the crackpot theories, I bet you haven’t heard this one: Slate surmises that you can glean everything you need to know by watching the introductory scene of each season. Including this one.
• Stop Guessing! Ask Ausiello has some real info for you.

Remember when you were a kid and you thought that being grown up just meant driving cars and not having to go to school?  And if you wanted to be a ballet dancer/astronaut/rock star, that was a perfectly reasonable career path?

Well, we all grew up. And adult life has a lot more chatter about 401ks and joint pain than anything else.

So that’s why I love this T-Mobile ad — it’s comes from an alternate reality where everyday people do just break out into song and dance.

John’s taking the day off news because went to the inauguration yesterday and is all ‘hoped out.’

But it’s not like there’s really any news worth reporting aside from the fact that we Barack Obama is now our president. I’ll leave it to Jon Stewart to give you all the commentary you need.

Tonight Gossip Girl celebrated Martin Luther King Jr.’s life and legacy by introducing some people of color into the show! Just kidding. But Blair’s dad came back with his sexy French boyfriend (related: Are Eleanor and Cyrus EVER coming back?!) and Dorota got an awesome Yale sweater, because once again the denizens of Gossip land were fixated on Yale as if no other school exists in the entire damn world, and like the casts of 90210: Original Recipe and Saved By the Bell, all the Gossip ladies and Gossip fellows will surely go to the same college. Except for Jessie. She went to Stanford.

In other news, Lilfus are banging each other silly and being disgustingly sappy all over the effing place now that Rufus is totally over the fact that she gave away their son and he died his parents lied about his death. (And Kelly Rutherford is adorably, totally with child, except that we will not speak of it, just like over on How I Met Your Mother, because they haven’t seen fit to write it in [yet].) Poor Eric.

So Serena and Dan got into Yale and Blair got waitlisted. I don’t have a lot of experience with Ivy League admissions, but wasn’t Serena kind of a delinquent for awhile there? She went off to boarding school mid-year as a sophomore (I think) then showed back up as a junior, which would leave some unpleasant holes in a transcript. And I am not entirely convinced she’s literate. I guess we’ll just shove this latest violation of reality under the bed with Nelly Yuki’s fashion sense, Chuck’s stash of transgender hookers, and the timeline of Rufus and Lily’s relationship (the spinoff is going to have so much fun with that). Also, she’s incredibly powerful and can convince the dean of Yale to give her admissions slot to Blair. Whatevs.

There’s a new English teacher at Constance! And she looks very, very young (the actress was born in 1983, which I would have said makes her way too young to be a high school teacher, but then I have to remember that my brother, born in 1983, is a high school teacher) and Blair hates her. Because she gave her a B on one paper and that will clearly destroy her GPA. Which only proves that Blair can’t do math. It’s another nice nod to Gossip Girl‘s complete lack of connection to anything approaching reality that only now, near the end of Blair’s four-year reign of terror at Constance, does she catch a punishment for what’s really one of her less evil and vindictive stunts. Come on. That teacher is an idiot for trusting Blair (don’t they have a faculty lounge at Constance? Where someone would have warned her about the be-hair-ribboned sociopath in fourth period?) and she’s going to do something highly inappropriate with Dan. Getting what she deserves, I say.

I love Chuck’s non sequiturs so very, very much. Like how he tried to buy anthrax with Uncle Jack’s credit card, and got him on the sex offender registry. Ha! But both Chuck and Jack are still making veiled, viperish references to Lily’s sordid past, and I hope the writers have some sort of fire behind that smoke. Because aside from being married like fourteen times and taking off her clothes for Robert Mapplethorpe, what has she done that’s so bad? I’m going to need to see evidence that she was a member of the Khmer Rouge or something.

And then everyone went to the opera. Even Vanessa! She got herself and Nate terrible seats down in the pit where all the other tubercular poor people hurl the rotten bits of their lunch at the performers if they don’t like the show and it’s a penny to sit on a cushion, while all the rich people sneered and Gwyneth Paltrow dressed up as a boy to make out with Joseph Fiennes. And Nate was a gross snob about it, so they moved to Nate’s box and made out in front of the entire audience.

Remember back to the pilot, when Chuck tried to rape Serena and Jenny? Yeah, apparently it runs in the family, because Uncle Jack tried to rape Lily after she signed the paperwork (initiated before Bart’s death, aww) to adopt Chuck and become his legal guardian, therefore transferring control of Bass Industries to herself and Chuck, cutting Jack out. But he was unsuccessful, because this is not SVU and we’re not ready for the sexual assault of a pregnant woman on an 8 p.m. show, I don’t think.

Next week it’s a rerun. Boo!

Is it just me, or is there totally a Cruel Intentions vibe going on with Olivia Palermo and her sleazy cousin on The City?

So obviously the Rosario Dawson episode of SNL is going to suffer greatly, to many eyes, for not living up to the Neil Patrick Harris episode, which seems to have elicited positive reactions from both fans and, perhaps especially, people who don’t particularly care about SNL (and which, fine, I could’ve maybe bumped up to a B, but was still too heavy on proficient but uninspired pop culture riffs for my tastes). But hear me out: what I liked about this admittedly mixed-bag episode was that it seemed a little more adventurous, trying weird conceptual stuff alongside crowd-pleasing impersonations of celebrities. Also, it gets major points for actually offering a musical guest I was interested to hear more of, not just catching me up on terrible radio songs that I hadn’t previously heard all the way through.

That said, boy, the episode started out rough.

Just so everyone remembers, before you set your DVR for Battlestar tonight, make sure you plan for the fact that it will run 3.5 minutes long.

I don’t want to you hear you cryin’ and saying you didn’t know.

A lot of times I’ll introduce shows I find on the internet and then never reference them again. However, these things do go along without us.

Case in point, Thunderant.  The lovechild of SNL’s Fred Armisen and musician Carrie Brownstein, it’s comedy for indie rock nerds. The cute hipster duo is still going strong with their latest, Film Club.

So get your cardigan and/or your plaid shirt — here’s the latest installment.