I hate time travel.

Not that I’ve really done it myself (unless you count my trips to visit my extended family in small midwestern towns — which is basically like stepping back into the fifties). But on the large and small screen, I find that time travel is often one the most confusing, ridiculous and uninteresting ways to structure a story. Which is why I’m so disappointed that Lost has so heavily incorporated it into this season and, if you ask me (which you didn’t), completely lost its footing. Especially after it unexpectedly got awesome again last season.

I am, admittedly, one episode behind, but I find this whole conceit that the castaways are ping ponging through time a bit tedious. The time travel aspect has added so many layers of possibility to an already-dauntingly detailed story — it makes me less interested in keeping up with what’s going on on the show. It’s like the latter seasons of The X-Files, when everything got so mixed up with government conspiracy that I finally stopped caring what was happening. And then I gave up.

I think there are two reasons I hate time travel stories.

First, they sacrifice story for flash. It’s a dramatic, but hollow, construct that muddles character development. If the Lost story progressed in a linear way, not only would the story make a hell of a lot more sense, but we’d get to see the characters develop naturally. But now the characters are constantly reeling from the shifts in time and hardly have time to regain their orientation to their surroundings before they’re thrown into another crazy situation.

But the second, more important, reason is that time travel stories inevitably invite the viewer to poke holes in the story. In the end, it’s all about suspension of disbelief — and a special kind of suspension at that. You’re not trying to overlook how unlikely a situation is, you’re trying to overlook the glaring inconsistencies and questions about why things went down the way they did.

Let me explain. Remember that movie Speed with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock? Specifically, the scene where they have to make the bus jump the gap in an incomplete bridge? They did it, flawlessly of course, and even chubby, sweatpantted, 14-year-old Dan knew how ridiculous it was. But, at the same time, it was an action movie with Keanu effing Reeves and even though I didn’t really know it at the time, I was willing to forgive them in the name of fantasy.

With time-travel, though, it’s a different kind of suspension of disbelief. You’re basically forced to overlook all of the reasons why certain things wouldn’t make sense. These stories (which have played out in Heroes, Sarah Connor, etc.) always invite people to ask “If this happened, then wouldn’t that have happened.”

At this point, I’m worried that there’s no turning back for Lost and that everything’s grown too sprawling and grandiose. But I’ll still watch.  Hell, I’ve sunk enough time into the show — may as well ride it out.

• Catch Project Runway Canada episode 2 on Youtube
• Rachel Maddow: “I’m a big lesbian who looks like a man”
• Steve Woz will appear on Dancing with the Stars
• RIP: Trading Spaces canceled, again
• Project Runway tightens security for finale show
• E! Kristin hangs with the cast of How I Met Your Mother
• Rory Gilmore’s artsy Yale friend joins the cast of the Gossip Girl spinoff
• Rob Thomas is pitching the Veronica Mars film as you read this
• This day in lists: The 11 dumbest things cartoons have taught us
• Here’s every swear in The Sopranos in chronological order:
  
  the sopranos, uncensored. from victor solomon on Vimeo.

Buzz wondered what’s been driving viewers away from Ugly Betty this year. (BuzzSugar)

Rae’s got Lost fever – kinda like the Island sickness sans the bloody nose and inevitable death – and is proud of her new theory about the lack of successful pregnancies on the island. (RTVW Online)

Most will think that I Love Money is either the downfall of Western Civilization or the greatest thing on television. Of course it just may be both. (Scooter McGavin’s 9th Green)

Now that the spoilers are out, Vance handicaps the alleged Top 36 American Idols and needs help making his picks for an Idol pool! (Tapeworthy)

This week, Jace landed quite a few scoops, celebrated Televisionary’s third birthday, and marveled at the latest installment of HBO’s deliciously taut polygamist drama Big Love. (Televisionary)

Scrubs has its faults, we all know this, but Jesse decided that people should give it a little more credit than it gets. (TiFaux)

This week, theTVaddict.com posted a handy-dandy downloadable and printable calendar with all of your must-see February TV premieres and events. (the TV Addict)

I was skeptical of Bradley Cooper’s suitability as an SNL host, even within the parameters of a He’s Just Not That Into You cast member; Scarlett Johansson and Ben Affleck are both multiple hosts who could’ve fit the bill easily. So I give Cooper and/or the writers a lot of credit for bringing this up directly in a funny, self-effacing monologue.

Unfortunately, yikes, the show went south after that; this was one of the weakest episodes of the season. Cooper was right in the middle of it, not quite as blandly smarmy as he is in most movies, but not displaying the skill you might expect of a Wet Hot American Summer alum, either.

• Reality Blurred agrees that last week’s Top Chef elimination was a load of B.S.
• Caprica will appear on DVD on April 21st before it hits TV
• The new O.C.: Is Gossip Girl imploding?
• So far 280 people have died this season of 24
• Sex and the City: The sequel to one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen comes out summer 2010
• Viewers eat junk food while watching Biggest Loser
• Jerry Springer quit America’s Got Talent
• RIP: Conan’s masturbating bear has been retired
• Obama’s State of the Union speech may f up Chuck, How I Met Your Mother, and Big Bang Theory
• This day in lists: Famous people who’ve been homeless

On Wednesday, Top Chef viewers got their annual dose of Eric Ripert. There was lot of contestants blubbering and freaking out and a challenge that involved replicating one of Ripert’s fancy-pants dishes. (Frankly, I didn’t really care for the challenge. It may have been a good test of the contestants’ technical skill, but there was no creativity involved.)

But if you can’t get enough of Eric and his humble French persona, you can see him on both your television and computer screens. Apparently, he has an online cooking show (see below) and soon he’ll have his own show on PBS.

Take a hike, Antiques Roadshow.

• Jon Hamm’s 30 Rock appearance last night was filmed during the US Airways plane crash
• There will be a 4th season of Big Love
• It’s been a bad year for lesbians on TV…
• … but cheer up! Here’s a review of the Xena convention
• Gossip Girl gets Anne Hathaway-inspired plot
• EW has spoilers on The Office, Housewives, Lost, and more
• Swoosie Kurtz jumps from Pushing Daisies to Desperate Housewives
• Mad Men bobbleheads!
• You get to vote for the final contestant to appear on Bravo’s new Project Runway ripoff Fashion Show
• This day in lists: The 10 hottest mother/daughter combos in TV history
• Guy watches 4 seasons of Lost in 3 days:
  

Listen, TiFaux readership — I’m not trying to call you fat.

I swear. Even though this is the second workout DVD giveaway we’ve done, we still find you sexy after all these years. (But would it kill you to use some Splenda every once in a while?)

Meanwhile, we do have a DVD to give away — this time it’s erstwhile Spice Girl/Eddie Murphy babymama/entertainment reporter Mel B showing off her post-pregnancy abs for the camera. Her workout regimen includes exercises for your “arms, legs, bums and tums.”

And if you do her crunches the right way, you might acquire a Cockney accent. Not that she has one, but still.

See for yourself — here’s a preview of what you could win.

If you’d like to win the video, send an e-mail to tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com with the subject line “It was all downhill after Ginger left.”