The Emmys: What Should Win, According to Me

Posted by Maggie September 18th, 2009 at 09:00am In General

Obviously the most important thing about this year’s Emmys, airing this Sunday, is that Neil Patrick Harris is hosting. We’ll all be watching (except for Kyle, who is officially against award shows) to see him gently lampoon our heroes in song. But they’re also going to give out some awards! I know, I didn’t believe it at first either. I firmly believe that any time a deserving show gets an award it’s a fluke, so I have no hope that these selections will win — but here’s why they should.

Best Series, Drama

Big Love

Breaking Bad

Damages

Dexter

House

Lost

Mad Men

My Pick: Lost. If you stuck with Lost, you were rewarded with one of the tightest, most engrossing seasons yet. Also we should honor them before it ends and we all feel like we’ve been duped. As far as the competition goes, Damages was uneven this season, House is delightful but no one’s idea of a Best Series, and I don’t watch Mad Men. That being said, it’ll probably be Mad Men. Chance My Pick Will Win: 8%

Best Series, Comedy

30 Rock

Entourage

Family Guy

Flight Of The Conchords

How I Met Your Mother

The Office

Weeds

My Pick: How I Met Your Mother. I couldn’t decide between The Office and 30 Rock, so why not spread the love around to an underdog? This was a tough category, because 57% of these shows are absolutely amazing, 14% (Weeds) I don’t watch, and 29% are the worst shows on TV. Chance My Pick Will Win: 3%

Best Actor, Drama

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Michael C. Hall, Dexter

Hugh Laurie, House

Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Simon Baker, The Mentalist

My Pick: Hugh Laurie. I take back what I said earlier about House. That show is great! So is Michael C. Hall, and that Jon Hamm is a looker, so I wouldn’t be upset if either of them won, instead. I’ll only get pissed if it’s Simon Baker. Nothing against him as an actor, but that show makes me spontaneously fall into a coma. Chance My Pick Will Win: 17%

Best Actor, Comedy

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Tony Shalhoub, Monk

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Steve Carell, The Office

Charlie Sheen, Two And A Half Men

Jemaine Clement, Flight Of The Conchords

My Pick: Alec Baldwin. Every line he said could not be delivered more perfectly, and I think that’s about as much as we can ask of our actors. Furthermore, I couldn’t possibly choose between the Conchords, as much as it warms my tender heart to see Jemaine nominated. And Charlie Sheen can eat my poo. Chance My Pick Will Win: 98%

Best Actress, Drama

Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters

Glenn Close, Damages

Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Holly Hunter, Saving Grace

Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

My Pick: Glenn Close. Ugh, this category. If you ever need some evidence that no one’s writing good female characters, look at this list. Boring! Luckily Glenn Close is chilling and beautiful and puzzling in Damages. Chance My Pick Will Win: 33%

Best Actress, Comedy

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures Of Old Christine

Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

Toni Collette, United States Of Tara

My Pick: Tina Fey. If she can win an Emmy for her Sarah Palin impersonation, no way she’s going to lose for her own show. She may have a slight challenge from multiple-personality-portraying Toni Collette, but the others are just there for show. Chance My Pick Will Win: 96%

Best Supporting Actor, Drama Series

William Shatner, Boston Legal

Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal

Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

Michael Emerson, Lost

John Slattery, Mad Men

William Hurt, Damages

My Pick: Michael Emerson. Benjamin Linus is one of the most interesting characters on TV today, mostly thanks to Michael Emerson’s enigmatic performance. And you’re putting him up against Boston Legal? Seriously? Chance My Pick Will Win: 50%

Best Supporting Actress, Drama Series

Rose Byrne, Damages

Hope Davis, In Treatment

Chandra Wilson, Greys Anatomy

Sandra Oh, Greys Anatomy

Dianne Wiest, In Treatment

Cherry Jones, 24

My Pick: Dianne Wiest. I do not watch In Treatment but my understanding is that Dianne Wiest is a winner. Rose Byrne’s hair is beautiful, but lazily shooting a gun at the camera and making out with My Boyfriend Timothy Olyphant(tm) for twelve episodes is not exactly award-winning stuff. Chance My Pick Will Win: ???%

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy Series

Kevin Dillon, Entourage

Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock

Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother

Rainn Wilson, The Office

Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men

Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock

My Pick: Neil Patrick Harris. Oh jeez. I feel terrible having to choose! This is clearly the greatest category known to man. Ignore Jon Cryer and Kevin Dillon and just feast your eyes on the awesomeness! How great would it be if any of them won? Imagine a Tracy Morgan acceptance speech! Imagine Jack McBrayer’s adorable drawl! But in the end I have to go with NPH for slowly hinting that Barney has a heart. Chance My Pick Will Win: 48%

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy Series

Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies

Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live

Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live

Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds

My Pick: Kristin Chenowith. Now they’re really trying to kill me, aren’t they? These are some of my favorite performers all in one place. Amy Poehler should get a Special Commendation just for her Sarah Palin rap. Jane Krakowski is the perfect Liz Lemon foil. Kristen Wiig is in, like, every sketch. But Chenowith’s skill (and her, um, assets) were on full display in the sorely missed Pushing Daisies. Chance My Pick Will Win: 28%

Best Reality-Competition Program

American Idol

Dancing With The Stars

Project Runway

The Amazing Race

Top Chef

My Pick: Top Chef. Delicious! Chance My Pick Will Win: 20%

Since no one cares about the mini-series stuff, that’s it! Share your thoughts/disagreements in the comments. Then we can have something to occupy ourselves during NPH’s costume changes.