I’m Sick of Your Shit: Whiny Soda Lady

Posted by sara April 19th, 2010 at 09:00am In Adverts All Things TV I have nothing left to give you I'm Sick of Your Shit

Hi, guys. Long time no whine. I’m just popping in here to rant briefly about how much I hate this ad the cumbersomely named New Yorkers Against Unfair Taxes is running against Governor Paterson (NEW JERSEY!)’s proposed tax on bottled drinks like soda and juice.

Oh my Christ on a tiny little crutch. Seriously, she might as well be saying, “How dare you infringe on my right to feed my child highly processed corn sugar in liquid form! Respect mah authoritah!”

Now, I don’t watch a lot of commercials. I have a tifaux, after all. And even though my new HD box (YEEEEESSSSS, HD BOX) is kind of glitchy and bitchy and likes to randomly NOT RECORD THE SOUP, I still record almost everything and watch it at least a little delayed. But I do occasionally watch live TV. Take, for instance, last Sunday, when I watched like seventeen consecutive hours of USA’s Law & Order: SVU Ripped From the Headlines marathon. And I saw that commercial like thirty times. I was ready to punch that whingeing hag by the end of it. God, lady. Suck it the fuck up. Don’t make me list all the things I can see in that kitchen of yours that indicate you can afford an extra five frigging bucks a week. Give your kid water. Mix your whiskey with seltzer, like I do. Brew your own damn iced tea. Or just save up the bottles and get the deposits back. VoilĂ , taxes canceled out.

And tell the American Beverage Association, which paid for that ad, to shove it. Same to the state of Iowa, with their billion dollars a year in corn subsidies.

P.S. Friends, I promise my shameful hiatus will end soon. I plan to write about Justified and In Plain Sight quite soon, and at the end of the month the fourth season of Friday Night Lights will begin airing on NBC, and I’ll start up the recaps again. Sorry for sucking lately.


  • 1. Lauren  |  April 21st, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    “I’m a vaguely ethnic mother trying to live the American dream: a 2.5 kid/3.5 shotgun household, the Walmart gold card membership, a never-ending supply of Diet Soda. Thanks, Drew! Tell Daddy dinner’s ready as soon as he’s done banging the babysitter.”

    Wah wah wah!

  • 2. sara  |  April 21st, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    If only! Diet soda isn’t subject to the tax. Even though aspartame is basically crack.

  • 3. Lauren  |  April 22nd, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    Fake sugar- why everyone in the world has or will have cancer. I can’t wait for America to sue the soda industry because, oops, it turns out aspartame really isn’t a safe and healthy product.

    Maybe I’m bitter because I’ve only had three diet sodas today.


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