I haven’t watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy since Katherine Heigl killed Jeffrey Dean Morgan and then whined about how she missed the guy she MURDERED for an entire fucking year. At the beginning, back in, wow, 2005, when Grey’s Anatomy was a midseason replacement and a surprise hit with a sexy, diverse cast and its own distinct dialect (seriously?!), I liked it a lot.
And then everyone on that show became a complete and utter asshole. Meredith Grey was always a bit of a dishrag, but back at the beginning Christina was awesome, and all the men were hot, and Bailey was just super. Even Katherine Heigl was pretty terrific, when she ripped her shirt off and yelled at everyone for making fun of her for being an underwear model and proclaimed that while they were in $100,000 worth of debt apiece, she paid her way with her spectacular rack. Remember? That was great. But then they all became jerks. And even pretty, pretty Kate Walsh and Eric Dane couldn’t fix it, because let me repeat myself just this once, Izzie KILLED SOMEONE and then moaned about it for a YEAR.
So when show creator Shonda Rimes spun off Private Practice, I jumped ship on whiny, bitchy Grey’s Anatomy and went with Kate and her pretty hair to California. Because at that point Addison, Bailey, and Torres were the only people on Grey’s Anatomy that I didn’t want to set on fire every Thursday night. it had everything I’d originally liked about Grey’s Anatomy with none of the whining: very pretty people who are ostensibly fantastic at their jobs, an excellent soundtrack, ridiculous medical cases that make you go google shit and panic mid-show.
And we were doing so well! Even replacing Merrin Dungey with Audra McDonald (who along with Taye Diggs hasn’t been allowed to sing ONCE on Private Practice, which I consider a missed opportunity the size of the frigging QE2) was okay. She brings something different and real and lovely. And I discovered that I kind of love Paul Adelstein and I love the relationship Cooper and Charlotte have. Even though I don’t much care for Sheldon the other psychiatrist and the show is just so, SO MEAN to poor Amy Brenneman, I’ve been enjoying most of what’s going on over there, even when they do insane things like treat active-duty military when the show is called PRIVATE Practice.
But then this season everything went off the damn rails. First they ran out of acceptable heterosexual couplings for the characters, after Charlotte slept with both Cooper and Sheldon and Violet slept with Pete, Sheldon, and ADDISON’S DAD and Naomi slept with Addison’s brother and Addison slept with Pete and Lorelei’s babydaddy from Gilmore Girls and Mark Sloan, again, and didn’t quite sleep with that guy who’s on Cougar Town now, so then Addison and Sam started making out, even though that’s, like, wrong. And then they decided to knock up Sam and Naomi’s fifteen-year-old daughter. Oh! And then they blew up Dell’s junkie babymama, which I will admit was awesome, because she sucked. And THEN when Violet came back from her insane PTSD trip to Costa Rica, they decided to have a courtroom-set episode in which the lawyers for Pete and Violet interrogated every character on the show until they basically recapped the last two seasons. That was LAME.
And I was still kind of on board for all this, and I was okay with Mark Sloan showing up with his pregnant daughter in tow and being all, “Addison, fix it! And let’s have sex on your office floor!” (What is wrong with these people that they think it’s acceptable to have sex in their offices during the workday like ALL THE TIME? It is just wrong, rude, and germy.) But then Derek Shepherd’s stupid little sister showed up, and she is the last damn straw.
First I’ll point out that the actress playing Dr. Amelia Shepherd, Brain Surgeon Extraordinaire, is younger than I am. Even extremely smart people my age are still residents (compare over on Grey’s Anatomy, where the actors playing the surgical interns were all over 30 when the show started, with the exception of Katherine Heigl, who was 27), not world-renowned brain surgeons who can get away with shit like doing totally unproven surgeries on brain-dead ladies incubating someone else’s triplets. (But we did get to see Billy Riggins in that arc! And I got to have an argument with my mother about abortion! That was so fun.)
Now I’ll point out that she just sucks. She keeps poking her nose where it doesn’t belong, like into Sam and Addison’s lives when she is a guest, and she does stupid shit like last week when she talked excellent Dr. Coburn from ER into having brain surgery that later caused her husband to leave her because she became mean again with some damn sob story about the Shepherd surgeons’ father being murdered. Which…again, I haven’t watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy in about three years, but don’t you think that would’ve come up at some point? Although Derek didn’t tell Meredith he was married, so I guess it’s understandable that he wouldn’t tell her he’d witnessed his father’s murder. Still, I hate retcons.
And then there’s just everyone being really crappy right now. If it’s not Addison whining about how she can’t have babies, it’s Violet being insane or Naomi mooning over random billionaire-with-Lou-Gehrig’s-disease William White or Sam just being a sad little ball sack of a man. Or it’s Dell saying “midWIFery.” Or the show throwing a big white wedding for a pregnant fifteen-year-old and everyone acting like that’s awesome. (Oh, the best bit of the last few episodes? When Maya was telling Dell she wants a drug-free birth. SURE. I’d kind of like a epidural for after my workout tomorrow; I hear epidurals are awesome.) Right now my favorite character is Fife, because he seems to recognize that everyone else on the show is stupid and deserves to be treated with disdain. Basically he’s Bailey except that instead of being a tiny, shouty black woman he’s a great big white guy with a fancy wheelchair.
This does not mean I’ll stop watching. Kate Walsh’s hair is just that pretty. And I like her outfits. And Paul Adelstein. But it does mean I yell at the TV a lot. Which is par. `