Oh lord! The drama of last week’s Work Out. There was a girl, there was an unexpectedly inappropriate joke, there was a blow-up, there was a firing — too much for one little lesbian fitness hamlet to take in one week.

In short, Jackie’s stock is sinking fast. So fast, in fact, that sponsors are actually pulling their ads because she’s so awful.

Let’s see what our supremely Sapphic scribes had to say about this week’s adventures.

Remember, if you have a question you would like to ask about Work Out or a lesbian mystery you’d like to have solved, e-mail us at tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com.

Chester from Panama City writes: I can’t believe the blow up on last week’s episode! It all happened so quickly. Who’s to blame for this whole ugly episode — Peeler or Jackie?

Sam: I would have to say they are both to blame. Peeler pushes it too far and Jackie wants to make it very clear that its her place. And so I guess he has to take the brunt of it. Now Jackie can be the alpha male all by herself and keep the women to herself. As the way the world should be.

Jasmine: Well, Chester, as Jesse said - it is Jackie’s place and what she says goes. I’ve had some pretty tough lesbian bosses before, but Jackie is definitely tougher. As far as who is to blame - Jackie’s hair is looking very mullet like - so I say she is to blame for all of the drama. Based on hair alone.

Drake from Portland, Maine asks: I think Erika is so pretty with her huge Anime eyes. Who do you think is the prettiest trainer?

Sam: Agostina is the hottest trainer by far. Jackie is not attractive what-so-ever. Renessa is kinda attractive for that “well the opportunity is there so sure” one night stand. Rebecca, as I have stated previously, is very attractive when she doesn’t speak. Erika is alright to look at when she isn’t wearing much. I won’t get into the men, because lets be honest, I really don’t care too much if they are there or not there.

Jasmine: Drake, I agree that Erika is very pretty, but I think the quiet Agostina is the hottest trainer next to Jackie (of course).

Evelyn from Lansing wonders: The gym is a total zoo — I can’t believe Jackie gets away with it. I know she owns the place, but between hooking up with her employees and asserting her dominance at every opportunity she is getting less and less likable. Why do you think she gets away with it? Is she worse this season than in seasons past?

Sam: I think she has always been dominate at the gym because she kinda needs to remind her employees every now and then that it is still her gym. They are all kinda strong-headed (some more than others) and since she is no longer sleeping with one of them and making out with them in the bathroom, she has to assert her dominance in a different way.

Jasmine: I think she’s as tough in the gym as the past, but her new relationship is totally boring so she spends too much time thinking about the gym. She needs to spend more time getting a new haircut and getting tough with a more exciting woman.

Cindy from Utah chimes in: Do you guys think you’ll buy Jackie’s workout tape? For exercise or for eye candy purposes?

Sam: If Agostina is in it then sure, all for the eye candy. I won’t do anything Jackie tells me to do, even if its good for me.

Jasmine: I’ll get it on Netflix. Just for the workout - that’s it. Don’t look at me like that Cindy.

In the battle of who has better culture between New York and Washington, it’s never really been a fair fight. I get it — NY wins. There was never really a contest.

But every once in a while we’ll pull something out of our hats that’s completely awesome. It’s nice to know we’re still trying.

That thing I’m referring to is D.C.’s own Pancake Mountain — an TV show made by local indie folk for the next generation of indie folk. Pancake Mountain is a self-described “excuse to act really silly and call it our job” where kids mingle with indie rock stars. And they have managed to get a pretty impressive list of alumni.

Here’s a little selection:

• Ted Leo does both The Wheels on the Bus and Little Dawn
• M.I.A. teaches the kids to dance
• The Arcade Fire plays Wake Up and Haiti
• The Go! Team works the kids into a frenzy

To give you a little taste, here’s Jenny Lewis and her beloved Watson Twins playing “Fernando.” Note the woman to the right holding a baby wearing oversized headphones. Makes my ovaries hurt a little bit.

The show’s newest DVD contains performances by Nellie McKay, Tilly and the Wall and Wayne Coyne of The Flaming Lips (I can only imagine the kids freaking out at the guys in animal costumes).

• With her mind fully blown by a Wire actor joining the 90210 spinoff, Buzz asks which actors you’ll always associate with particular characters. (BuzzSugar)
• Amie shared her thoughts on MTV’s The Hills’ latest episode “No Place Like Home.” (Daemon’s TV)
• Marcia worried about starlet stunt-casting on How I Met Your Mother and Ugly Betty. (Pop Vultures)
• Facial Hair or Facial Scare: What do you think of this growing trend and which TV star who wears his facial hair best? (RTVW)
• Come see why Scooter will be saying “What up Mustafa?” ad nausea for the next couple months. And if that doesn’t wet your appetite, it has to do with something on PBS not named Bob Ross. (Scooter McGavin’s 9th Green)
• “Fame, I’dols going to live forever, I’dols going to learn how to fly, high!”. Vance notes how this weeks American Idol fit into the lyrics of “Fame” eerily well. (Tapeworthy)
• While once again obsessed with Lost, Jace remembered why he loves Battlestar Galactica so frakking much. (Televisionary)
• Once again, TiFaux’s kinky side reared its ugly head as Dan discussed which TV star tattoos were the hottest. Vote on who you think is the hottest! (TiFaux)
• Tube Talk vents its frustration at ABC for cancelling Men in Trees. (Tube Talk)
• With the rumblings in the press that SMALLVILLE’S Allison Mack is getting ready to jump ship, this TV Addict thought he’d offer up a word of caution. (the TV Addict)
• Kate broke down who will be in and who will be out when Project Runway makes its move to Lifetime. (TV Filter)

USA Today. I can’t say I would ever go to you for reputable cultural or artistic criticism.

Case in point, this review of 30 Rock.

Were numbers the only problem, Rock fans might be able to relax. The show, after all, has already been renewed for next season. But since the strike, this once-dependable sitcom has also lost its way creatively, ditching plot and character in a desperate, scattershot search for laughs, as if its new goal were to become a live-action version of Family Guy.

Certainly, that’s the approach taken in tonight’s hectic finale. On the plus side, it does yield some funny moments from Alec Baldwin, Jack McBrayer and Matthew Broderick as a Bush official who is desperate to join the ranks of the unemployed. (Even those who dislike the administration, however, may not want to see a network sitcom go so far out of its way to mock it.)

But as often happens lately, the jokes come at the expense of our attachment to the characters and to the show’s fraying links to reality.

…

Liz doesn’t have to be sane, but when she’s as unstable as the nuts circling around her, you get a show that plays more like a barely related series of sketches than a sitcom.

It’s possible that 30 Rock is trying to learn from the failure of Studio 60, which took the efforts involved in producing comedy too seriously. But as is so often the case in life and art, one can also fail by moving too far in the other direction. If the show she’s writing doesn’t matter, then there’s nothing at risk for Liz — and no reason for us to care about Jack’s efforts to mentor her, which were once 30 Rock’s best asset.

A few things:

1. Doesn’t everyone want to see the Bush administration mocked?
2. Aren’t the show’s “fraying links to reality” what makes the show fun?
3. I feel like the Family Guy analogy isn’t apt. It’s more like The Simpsons — chock full of non sequiturs, subtle jokes that only make sense if you are really paying attention and non-verbal jokes that you only pick up on during repeated views. However, it always comes back to the main plot.
4. Boo!

Alright, guys… I need more entries for the 24 giveaway.

I’m guessing I made it too hard on you. Maybe the whole “come up with a cheesy saying for Jack Bauer to mutter after biting that guys neck off” contest was too much to ask. I mean, I get it. It’s a lot of pressure to have to come up with something and be happy with it and then send it in when you have no idea how many people were entering.

Suffice to say, response has been wanting.

But believe me, it’s okay. I used to be the same way — agonizing over every word I wrote on this precious blog. But now, all I really do is type stream-of-consciousness style and cross my fingers that it is actually comprehensible and not some sort of William Faulkner-style rant (on that note, I’m going to refer to Maggie and John as Quentin and Quentin just to make things unnecessarily confusing. Sound and the Fury joke! I say it like I understood the book, but I never finished it even though I was supposed to read it for two separate classes).

Where was I?  Oh, 24…

Okay, I really need to boost these numbers so I’m going to change the game. Here’s the new deal:

If you want to win the first season of 24 on DVD, send an e-mail to tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com, put “24 giveaway” in the subject line and give me the name of your favorite vegetable. It can be any vegetable. For example, a carrot.

Seriously, that’s just one. If you need help, here’s a list of vegetables to choose from.

Good news, bad news.

Bad news first. The end of 30 Rock’s season is tonight. Sad, I know.

The good news? We, um… have a preview of tonight’s finale. I know that’s not really enough good news to outweigh the bad…

Look! A baby rabbit!

I love it when we get to do giveaways.  Makes me feel fancy.

You know what makes me feel even fancier? When we get to give away good shit. Case in point: this here giveaway.

As you can see by Jack Bauer’s rugged, furrowed visage above, we’re giving away something 24-related. In fact, we’re giving away the new special edition DVD of 24’s first season. The DVD set includes all 24 episodes (get it — 24?) and is packed with over three hours of never-before-seen special features including a season seven trailer, over 25 deleted and extended scenes, two all-new behind-the-scenes featurettes and more.

The good folks at M80 are helping us out with the giveaway, including our friendly publicist Derek (Hi Derek! Nice shirt.). Derek has given us not one, but two copies of the box set to give away.

Full disclosure: I don’t watch 24. It’s just one of those shows that I’ve never gotten around to watching even though everyone who watches it loves it (kind of like The Wire, although people tend to be a little more hyperbolic about that one). Regardless, I’m sure this’ll be a great giveaway, especially given the fact that the box set retails for sixty bucks.

So, how do you win this lovely prize? Well, I’m going to make you work for it. Nothing comes easy, suckers, not even in the blogosphere.

One thing I do know about 24 is that at some point Jack Bauer had to bite some dude in the neck to save himself from some sort of imprisonment. Your task is to come up with the cheesiest/stupidest/weirdest thing Jack could possibly say afterwards. For instance, “I always knew I’d take a bite out of crime!”

Submit your answer to tifaux -at- gmail -dot- com with the subject line “24 bites.” We’ll post the winner in good time.

Take a look at what to expect…

Before I am done with TiFaux, I won’t be happy until I’ve turned it into a vaguely indie version of Bop or Tiger Beat.

That is to say, I want to keep one of our steady focuses on boys and why they are so dreamy. Forget quality writing, forget interesting performances — I’m a man who knows what he likes. While I may put up this exterior of a savvy, sophisticated bon vivant (and don’t even front — I know I do), I’m really just a schoolboy scrawling Mrs. Daniel Gyllenhaal into the margins of my notebooks and dotting the i’s with hearts.

On that note, I’ve made no secret of my love of the tattoos. There are few things hotter than a well done sleeve of ink (other than, perhaps, holding some sort of ethnic baby. And, even then, that’s more cute than hot).

So I’ve rounded up a list of some of reality TV’s hottest tattooed folks. I’ve even thrown in some ladies to satisfy our minority of heterosexual male readers (and, hopefully, growing readership of lesbians). Not that we don’t love all our readers just the same.

At the end, you get to vote for your favorite. Hooray!

Trainer Bob

Show: The Biggest Loser

Oh, Bob. Such a contradiction. On one hand, you’re the Southern drawling, caring nurturer. You contrast sharply with Jillian’s unsmiling taskmaster. On the other hand, your tattoos speak of a strange edge that is otherwise undetectable. It’s very intriguing.

Kat Von D

Show: LA Ink

Kat Von D is the star of LA Ink, spin-off of the TLC show Miami Ink. It’s the show where people get all tatted up and explain why their near-death experience being bitten by a shark is the reason why they need a tooth emblazened across their back. Von D is very eighties metal in her style (leather, studs, hair, hair, hair). It makes sense that Wikipedia reports that she is dating Motley Crue’s Nikki Sixx.

Kevin Christiana

Show: Project Runway

The most recent season of Project Runway was bizarrely tattoo heavy. Even bird-like winner Christian was inked up with a picture of a squid. And because Rami was unadorned, we must turn our attention to token straightie Kevin Christiana. Kevin’s tattoos were a bit punk rock — or maybe I just think that because he usually wore black.

Angie

Show: Survivor — Palau

Angie is from an obscure season of Survivor (well, they’re all kind of obscure after a certain point), but I really have fond memories of her. She was the tattoed, awkward loner who never excelled in gym class, blah, blah. But then she turned around to totally dominate in challenges. She got cut lamentably early, but I’m still a huge fan.

Mark

Show: Top Chef

The good thing about these featured walking canvasses is the fact that their tattoos are compared with something unexpected (a smiley, centered fitness trainer; a fashion designer). With Mark, it’s a curly-headed cook with a New Zealand accent. I like the tribal design, even though in this picture he looks pretty ridiculous with the aviator shades and sleeveless number.

Starbuck

Show: Battlestar Galactica

I know this isn’t a reality show. In fact, it’s about as far away as you can get. However, I can’t let a notable tattoo like this go unnoticed.  Anders has a matching one, if you recall.  I like how it’s kind of tribal, which conflicts with the fact that they’re on a spaceship. That’s the good thing about Battlestar, when you get down to it — they focus on real issues and characters without getting bogged down on the science fiction (which is just an effective backdrop).

Previously, on Work Out:

The producers arranged for activities that would exploit the trainers for the lesbian and gay crowds respectively.

Jackie took the female trainers on a lesbian cruise so that there would be ample opportunity for girl-on-girl action as well as a hefty product placement fee for the cruise line. Rebecca seeks attention and finds it, given that the hot, hot Work Out ladies are the best thing to ever happen to that cruise. Vanessa Renessa decides to do some gay experimenting the old-fashioned way, by getting wasted and putting the moves on the worst possible person (read: Jackie). Also, Jackie confronts Erika about her suspected bulimia and everybody watching at home is mortified that this was done on camera.

Meanwhile, Peeler recruits all of the guys to take off their shirts and roll around gratuitously in the mud. It’s disgusting. Disgustingly HOT! And, in the most shameless moment of a particularly shameless episode of a ridiculously shameless series, they have thirty seconds worth of footage (some in slow motion) of the boys rinsing the mud off of themselves in an outdoor public shower facility.

And now, on to the lesbians! Well, actually lesbian. Jasmine is off this week.

Fabian from Lawrence, Kansas writes: OMG! I love you gurlz and I love Work Out! Did you see it when Peeler and J.D. and them were showering off after running in the mud? How can you not think that is the hawttest!

Sam: No, Fabian, I don’t think they are the “hawttest.” I’m attracted to women, not men, reason why I’m a lesbian. Get it?

Dolores from Indiana wonders: Hi! I’m a sophomore in college and I have been watching Work Out since the first season. Now that I’m in college, I was wondering if I should have my first lesbian experience. I like boys, for sure, but do you think all girls have the possibility of being lesbians — like Renessa and her fooling around with women?

Sam: Well, Dolores, first off, we need to determine a few things. What is your major? Do you live in a coed dorm? If you are women’s studies major living in an all girls dorm, you go to town and enjoy life. But please do realize, with messing around with women comes drama, whether you like it or not. Unless you can get really drunk and end up at a sorority party so that way you both can deny you had any idea it was happening the next morning. Just a few suggestions…

Jessica from Seattle wants to know: Jackie’s drama with Rebecca just won’t stop! Does lesbian drama ever end?

Sam: No, it doesn’t. It sucks.

Bruno from Albany asks: Why do so many lesbians have mullets? There were more than a few on that cruise…

Sam: My dear friend Bruno, I really have NO CLUE why lesbians insist on having mullets. Maybe they just feel like they need the hair cut so that other women know they are lesbians. Maybe its some form of mating call that I’ve been completely unaware of, like, “look out how long my mullet is, don’t you want to go home with me?”. But lets be honest, chances are if they have that hair cut, they are also wearing baggy jeans/cargo shorts, doc martins or Birkenstock’s, and a wallet chain…they don’t need the haircut, we can clearly see they are lesbians. Please join the cause and inform the next lesbian you see that has a mullet she doesn’t need to sport that haircut. I’ll do the same at my biweekly meetings at Home Depot.