I am too lazy to back this up with evidence, and perhaps with Lost ending and the “summer season” rearing its head I am in a bad mood, but it seems to me like everything good and exciting is ending, and it’s all being replaced by garbage. (Remember when I used to get excited about the upfronts? Weird.) Here are the current upfronts. Ugh.

Is this it? Is it over? The comedies seem to be the only returning bright spots, but even they’re looking a little long-in-the-tooth (The Office, 30 Rock, HIMYM) or they’re being shoved to midseason (Parks & Rec). I’m watching Treme but it’s no The Wire. I’m watching Caprica but it’s no BSG.

Yes, Justified is great. Community is great. But I’m still a big frowny face.

Are there others out there, who were added late but gained full-cast love? A few. But it’s not easy. The most important metric I used was the Died/Disappeared rule. If the character seemed important but then Died/Disappeared suddenly and the show went on much as before, they were not, by definition, essential to the show. It’s tough, but I made these rules up, and I’m going to stick to them.

Desmond Hume and Ben Linus (Lost)

These two are the gold standard of essential late additions. One of the things that made Desmond so effective as a character was that he appeared and then abruptly vanished, so that when he came back we were pleasantly surprised and probably fooled into believing he’d been around a lot longer than he had. Ben Linus is a different sort of addition — the unplanned kind. He rocked the part so hard they basically had no choice but to write him in to the series. These are both great examples of characters evolving naturally, and the creators being responsive and observant enough to figure out that they’ve got something there.

Counter-example: Ana-Lucia. The argument could be made that she was supposed to be an unpleasant character and we weren’t supposed to like her, but I don’t care: I hated every second she was on screen and everything she did.

Spike (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Spike shows up as a season 2 villain, and develops into one of the core Buffy gang in fits and starts, as one arc ended and the writers realized they had something great and needed new ways to bring him back. By the end of it you forget that he wasn’t in the short first season at all.

Counter-example: So many! Anya, Tara, Wesley, Faith, Riley, and the character who’s a meta-commentary on the whole process of introducing new people, Dawn. These characters were integrated into the main cast in varying degrees of success, but they never felt as essential as Spike.

Andy Bernard (The Office)

Andy is the only one from the Stamford branch to have made it through unscathed, and that’s only after an anger management class fundamentally changed the entire conception of his character. Now he’s at home in Scranton just as much as the others, which is to say, he’s a weirdo with personal issues who we love despite his bizarre tics.

Counter-example: Erin. I’m not saying she won’t feel essential in a year or two, but right now, she’s still standing out.

Will Bailey (The West Wing)

Josh Malina joined The West Wing in season four, making him the latest addition on this list. But he felt like an old-timer immediately. This one may be a strange case, in which an actor’s previous experience with related material (his awesome work on Aaron Sorkin’s Sports Night) meant that the audience was primed to accept him as a member of the team.

Counter-example: I admit that my watching was spotty over the years, but I really disliked that blonde Southern Republican who’s now on CSI. This show also was a strange case of a first-season character finding herself completely unessential to anything — poor Moira Kelly all but disappeared eventually.

Many shows never managed to introduce new people successfully, not for lack of trying, and so only contain counter-examples:

Veronica Mars

Piz and Parker are two of the most energetically disliked characters on this show. Personally, I always liked Piz, and his poor pathetic Piz hair, and who knows what would’ve happened had the show stuck around for a few more years. But these late additions didn’t click with the fans and so didn’t do the struggling show any favors on its way out.

Gilmore Girls

The essential characters in this show (Lorelai, Rory, Luke, Emily) are SO essential that any addition is super distracting, even if it’s boyfriends (Max, Chris, Jason/Digger, Dean, Jess, Logan) and especially if it’s secret love-children (ugh, April).

The Cosby Show

As happy as I am that the phrase “That’s so Raven” has entered our collective ironic lexicon, I don’t think Raven Symone is anyone’s favorite Cosby, and certainly never reached the level of a Theo or Vanessa or Rudy.

House

I guess this one depends on if you liked 13 and Taub. I didn’t. I don’t watch any more (for many reasons, but the lack of connection to new characters is part of it).

This is all admittedly biased by my personal preferences and shows that I watch and characters I particularly liked, so I welcome additions to the additions list. Also, I feel like this was particularly hard to pull off before the current Golden Age of television, as shows were stricter in their scope and less amorphously serialized, and so less likely to try to introduce new beloved characters, way-back-when. But I could be wrong. What am I missing?

This movie terrified me as a child, and now the poster of a giant cat riding the San Francisco trolley has officially erased any residual fear I ever felt. Thanks, set dresser!

I am now obsessed with this image, as every right-minded person in the world should be. I’ve been talking about it non-stop on twitter, but now I bring this quest to you, faithful readers. Happy late Halloween.

Oh my god, you guys. Sunset Beat. Sunset Beat is a show that exists. Once you read everything I have to say about it, you might not believe me, but I assure you in advance that this really happened and was not some sort of fever dream.

The pilot of Sunset Beat, George Clooney’s show that was never a show, has been airing on MGM recently as part of their First Taste of Fame series. Now, Sunset Beat is not one of those undiscovered gems, that you root for and wish there could’ve been more. No. Sunset Beat is TERRIBLE. Like, truly, horribly, mind-meltingly bad. But it’s bad in a way that makes me laugh and laugh and laugh.

SUNSET BEAT!

Here’s what you need to know about Sunset Beat. It starts with a truck crashing into a helicopter. The truck is delivering something to someone nefarious, and the driver is talking on his CB or whatever, saying “I don’t see him! Where is he?!” and other guy’s like “Um he’s like right there dummy!” and then the truck turns a corner and there’s a helicopter parked in the middle of the road. Then they crash and fall down a cliff. Classic truck-crashing-into-helicopter stuff. You know how it goes.

Then George Clooney is playing lead guitar in a band whose name is, and this is not a joke, Private Prayer. Some crazy strung out chick interrupts the performance! She used to be the lead singer! And she was married to George Clooney! And he got her hooked on the junk!

But before you go thinking George Clooney is only the lead guitarist of a medium-popular band, get ready, because George Clooney is ALSO A COP IN A BAND OF UNDERCOVER MOTORCYLCE COPS. George Clooney is driving his motorcycle down the street, thinking about how he shouldn’t have gotten his ex-wife hooked on the junk, when he sees a helicopter and a truck at the bottom of a cliff. And so he investigates and he finds a giant pile of money, because what else could a truck be delivering to a helicopter in the middle of the day on a twisty LA mountain road?

And so George Clooney calls up the other undercover motorcycle cops to alert them that something weird is going on. This scene takes FOREVER because each of the cops has to have some sort of cute introduction that tells us a little about their personality and home life. ENDLESS. Also George Clooney calls them on his 1990 cell phone, which is awesome because he’s George Clooney with chin-length curly hair on a motorcycle with a 1990 cell phone.

Some of the other undercover motorcycle cops are Doakes from Dexter and TJ from Gilmore Girls.

Then I skipped the middle because it was boring. One of the cops saved an underage prostitute? Another one told his parents he was going to med school? I don’t know. That guy from the David Mamet movies shows up in relation to the A-plot, somehow, with something tattooed on his chest, because criminals are always kidnapping innocent people and tattooing shit on their chests just to send a message.

LATER, George Clooney is performing a big outdoor Private Prayer concert (of course) and his undercover motorcycle cop mentor named JC (of course) is thrown from a helicopter onto the stage and dies. Some people in the audience threaten everyone with guns because they want their money and then they leave. And the dumb lead singer ALMOST STARTS SINGING AGAIN but then George Clooney leaves because he has to catch the bad guys and avenge JC’s thoughtless helicopter-toss-murder, and also what? Why would you think that the concert would magically keep going after a human being is tossed from the sky and lands on stage and dies, not to mention all the guns? Were there lots of terrorism-riddled outdoor concerts in 1990?

So that’s really the climax, even though there’s another climax that involves another helicopter (I think, or maybe it was a crane? Somehow George Clooney is up in the air), and George Clooney gets dumped into the ocean and saves the day (somehow) and everyone thinks he’s dead but he’s not because it’s only the pilot. George Clooney climbs out of the water onto the dock and somehow his leather jacket is still dry, and the other undercover motorcycle cops are so glad to see him because if they had lost both JC and George Clooney in freak dropping-from-helicopter accidents that would have been a really bad week.

And then, tragically, Sunset Beat got canceled.

Search your DVR for more showings! It’s very, very boring and very, very hilarious at the same time.

Best Series, Drama

Big Love

Breaking Bad

Damages

Dexter

House

Lost

Mad Men

My Pick: Lost. If you stuck with Lost, you were rewarded with one of the tightest, most engrossing seasons yet. Also we should honor them before it ends and we all feel like we’ve been duped. As far as the competition goes, Damages was uneven this season, House is delightful but no one’s idea of a Best Series, and I don’t watch Mad Men. That being said, it’ll probably be Mad Men. Chance My Pick Will Win: 8%

Best Series, Comedy

30 Rock

Entourage

Family Guy

Flight Of The Conchords

How I Met Your Mother

The Office

Weeds

My Pick: How I Met Your Mother. I couldn’t decide between The Office and 30 Rock, so why not spread the love around to an underdog? This was a tough category, because 57% of these shows are absolutely amazing, 14% (Weeds) I don’t watch, and 29% are the worst shows on TV. Chance My Pick Will Win: 3%

Best Actor, Drama

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Michael C. Hall, Dexter

Hugh Laurie, House

Gabriel Byrne, In Treatment

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Simon Baker, The Mentalist

My Pick: Hugh Laurie. I take back what I said earlier about House. That show is great! So is Michael C. Hall, and that Jon Hamm is a looker, so I wouldn’t be upset if either of them won, instead. I’ll only get pissed if it’s Simon Baker. Nothing against him as an actor, but that show makes me spontaneously fall into a coma. Chance My Pick Will Win: 17%

Best Actor, Comedy

Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock

Tony Shalhoub, Monk

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Steve Carell, The Office

Charlie Sheen, Two And A Half Men

Jemaine Clement, Flight Of The Conchords

My Pick: Alec Baldwin. Every line he said could not be delivered more perfectly, and I think that’s about as much as we can ask of our actors. Furthermore, I couldn’t possibly choose between the Conchords, as much as it warms my tender heart to see Jemaine nominated. And Charlie Sheen can eat my poo. Chance My Pick Will Win: 98%

Best Actress, Drama

Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters

Glenn Close, Damages

Mariska Hargitay, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Holly Hunter, Saving Grace

Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

My Pick: Glenn Close. Ugh, this category. If you ever need some evidence that no one’s writing good female characters, look at this list. Boring! Luckily Glenn Close is chilling and beautiful and puzzling in Damages. Chance My Pick Will Win: 33%

Best Actress, Comedy

Tina Fey, 30 Rock

Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, The New Adventures Of Old Christine

Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program

Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

Toni Collette, United States Of Tara

My Pick: Tina Fey. If she can win an Emmy for her Sarah Palin impersonation, no way she’s going to lose for her own show. She may have a slight challenge from multiple-personality-portraying Toni Collette, but the others are just there for show. Chance My Pick Will Win: 96%

Best Supporting Actor, Drama Series

William Shatner, Boston Legal

Christian Clemenson, Boston Legal

Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

Michael Emerson, Lost

John Slattery, Mad Men

William Hurt, Damages

My Pick: Michael Emerson. Benjamin Linus is one of the most interesting characters on TV today, mostly thanks to Michael Emerson’s enigmatic performance. And you’re putting him up against Boston Legal? Seriously? Chance My Pick Will Win: 50%

Best Supporting Actress, Drama Series

Rose Byrne, Damages

Hope Davis, In Treatment

Chandra Wilson, Greys Anatomy

Sandra Oh, Greys Anatomy

Dianne Wiest, In Treatment

Cherry Jones, 24

My Pick: Dianne Wiest. I do not watch In Treatment but my understanding is that Dianne Wiest is a winner. Rose Byrne’s hair is beautiful, but lazily shooting a gun at the camera and making out with My Boyfriend Timothy Olyphant(tm) for twelve episodes is not exactly award-winning stuff. Chance My Pick Will Win: ???%

Best Supporting Actor, Comedy Series

Kevin Dillon, Entourage

Tracy Morgan, 30 Rock

Neil Patrick Harris, How I Met Your Mother

Rainn Wilson, The Office

Jon Cryer, Two And A Half Men

Jack McBrayer, 30 Rock

My Pick: Neil Patrick Harris. Oh jeez. I feel terrible having to choose! This is clearly the greatest category known to man. Ignore Jon Cryer and Kevin Dillon and just feast your eyes on the awesomeness! How great would it be if any of them won? Imagine a Tracy Morgan acceptance speech! Imagine Jack McBrayer’s adorable drawl! But in the end I have to go with NPH for slowly hinting that Barney has a heart. Chance My Pick Will Win: 48%

Best Supporting Actress, Comedy Series

Kristin Chenoweth, Pushing Daisies

Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live

Amy Poehler, Saturday Night Live

Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Vanessa Williams, Ugly Betty

Elizabeth Perkins, Weeds

My Pick: Kristin Chenowith. Now they’re really trying to kill me, aren’t they? These are some of my favorite performers all in one place. Amy Poehler should get a Special Commendation just for her Sarah Palin rap. Jane Krakowski is the perfect Liz Lemon foil. Kristen Wiig is in, like, every sketch. But Chenowith’s skill (and her, um, assets) were on full display in the sorely missed Pushing Daisies. Chance My Pick Will Win: 28%

Best Reality-Competition Program

American Idol

Dancing With The Stars

Project Runway

The Amazing Race

Top Chef

My Pick: Top Chef. Delicious! Chance My Pick Will Win: 20%

Since no one cares about the mini-series stuff, that’s it! Share your thoughts/disagreements in the comments. Then we can have something to occupy ourselves during NPH’s costume changes.

But tonight is different! Tonight marks the premiere of Joel McHale’s new NBC sitcom, Community. It was available on Facebook a few weeks ago and I watched it, and it is delightful. The cast is great — Joel, obviously, plus John Oliver as a teacher-buddy, Chevy Chase in a role that actually suits his self-importance, and a bunch of other comedy ringers — and the premise is a nice combination of cynical and real. Without the real, the cynical becomes too empty to take.

Joel is everywhere promoting this thing (and the opening of the great-looking Informant!, which he’s also in). But here’s a good interview with Joel, where he drops the nugget that the show’s creator also wrote the legendary Heat Vision and Jack pilot. Good to know, right? And here’s the NYT review, in which Alessandra Stanley gets it right but also ruins a bunch of funny jokes.

Also on tonight is the return of The Office (pregnant Pam) and Parks & Recreation (still giving it a chance), and the first of a handful of SNL Weekend Update Thursdays.

And if that weren’t enough (stop being so greedy!), there’s Project Runway. The saddest of many sad things about this latest boring season of Project Runway is that we don’t get Lifetime in HD, and while it bores us it looks hideous.

Enjoy these riches while you can! There’s nothing else to look forward to. And goodnight.

If you didn’t watch it (and why would you, really?), Videogum has collected the funniest moments. I would also add the “best sound editor” bit that Samberg did with an audience plant.

I’d also remove the Bruno bit from the list. I am SO over Bruno. Staged or not, it’s just stupid.

In conclusion: Andy Samberg is good at hosting things I don’t care about! Hopefully this is good sign for the hosting gig I’m really excited about this week: Neil Patrick Harris hosting the Tonys on Sunday. (Whoa. Overwhelmed by own nerdery there.)

And apparently he’ll still do The Soup. I’m glad but not surprised, as I imagine The Soup takes exactly 22 minutes of McHale’s time every week.

Secondly, tonight marks the return of Greek, another underappreciated-for-superficial-reasons show. I’ve talked a lot about how this show seems to have stolen greatness out of the jaws of mediocrity (metaphor fail), and that is thrown into even greater relief when the ABC Family programming geniuses decide to launch their new this-show-is-so-bad-it-signifies-the-coming-apocalypse sitcom, Roommates, right after Greek. I first heard about the make-your-ears-and-eyes-bleed Roommates during the pre-show entertainment at an IMAX screening of Watchmen. If there’s anything in the world that should NOT be four hundred feet tall with booming advanced sound, it’s the abomination that is Roommates. When you first see a commercial for Roommates you may think you’re watching a mildly clever parody, like one of those cell phone ads where a fake movie is ruined by someone’s ringing phone in a key scene — that’s how generic and creatively bankrupt this concept is. But then you realize that they’re actually serious with this bland Disney-channel-level-of-humor monstrosity, and it all becomes too much. Eventually you start to realize that someone out there was actually in a meeting where someone else pitched Roommates, and that first someone actually said “Yes! Let’s make that one!” And they have to live with that for the rest of their lives.

Ahem. Moving on. How about some free, quality entertainment? Via Vulture, I’ve learned that the great Whit Stillman movie The Last Days of Disco is available on Hulu. It’s not on DVD and out of print on VHS and therefore almost impossible to find, so catch it online while you can! Smart, funny, great times. Chris Eigeman in maybe my favorite of his Whit Stillman/Noah Baumbach roles. Chloe Sevigny before she became a sister-wife. Stop working and watch this movie.

Hurry up and enter while you still can — this closes today. (Thanks to Ali for the tip.)