I’m on a deadline today and don’t have time for the cute stuff. Here’s your TV, straight up.

It’s the season premiere of Viva Laughlin, the musical show. Despite my early enthusiasm, I’m going to have to admit that this is going to be bad. But there’s no way I’m not watching.

Steve Buscemi guest stars on 30 Rock.

The Office plants another hour-long episode on us. I’m in the “tired-of-this” camp (see sidebar poll). Michael declares bankruptcy.

Does not compute: James Van Der Beek guest stars on Ugly Betty.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: I did it. I gave up Grey’s Anatomy. Deleted it from the list. You may congratulate me now.

I have to admit, there’s a little tremor of worry going through me about 30 Rock.

After the season premiere, they showed a teaser for the upcoming season about all the guest stars they have lined up for the coming season. After Jerry Seinfeld, the guest list includes Al Gore, Steve Buscemi, Meredith Vieira, Edie Falco — they’re even taking David Schwimmer out of deep-freeze for a stint.

Of course, they’ve had guest stars in the past and it has worked out fine. I’m thinking about Isabella Rossellini and Paul Reubens, mostly. But I really dread the show turning into a latter day Will and Grace, where they have someone new on every week for no real reason. The Seinfeld stint did have one cringey moment where Jerry turned to the camera to directly plug his movie — a gag that I’m used to seeing on awards shows and would think 30 Rock could do better than.

But whatever. I’m sure they can pull it off with T-Fey at the helm.

I just thought I’d worry everyone unnecessarily.

To make it better, you can watch this clip of 30 Rock winning the Emmy.

I will pay you all for your silence.

• FX is doing a Damages marathon, if you wanted to catch up.
• It there’s a strike, NBC might air reruns of Curb Your Enthusiasm and the British version of The Office.
• Isaac Asimov’s daughter talks about Big Bang Theory(?!).
• Matt Roush talks about Pushing Daisies and The Office.
• A guy from Alias will be on Chuck (and other casting news).
• David Batista talks Dexter.
• Amy Sherman Palladino will direct a movie.
• Yet another new Lostie.
• Conan is moving from NYC to LA.
• An analysis of HBO’s ratings.
• TV Land is going to begin stream all sorts of shows.
• Michelle Rodriguez is going to jail for six months!
• Gossip Girl: NYC and realism. You guys have at it.
• Dare I say it — could this show be the new Arrested Development?
• Scott Adsit (Pete from 30 Rock) talks to Gothamist.

Since I’ve gone ahead and accepted that Ugly Betty is a part of my viewing regimen, I’d like to point out that it hit some great notes last week: the fabulous rooftop full of cast-off mannequins, the hint that Justin’s about to embrace his inner tough guy, Alexis enthralled with her own boobs, and more. So there.

30 Rock’s season premiere ruled. I don’t think there’s any more I can say about that.

And there’s yet another hour-long Office to look forward to. Kelly’s pregnancy ruse — and her complete lack of shame about it — was one of the funniest side plots of recent memory.

I haven’t managed to kick my Grey’s Anatomy habit. I am ashamed. The worst part is, I usually have to do something else while I watch it, so I end up baking a lot of cupcakes. Which is making me fat. It’s official: Grey’s Anatomy is trying to kill us.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: There’s a MLB playoff game on TBS. Did you know that TBS has an HD channel now? I presume it was put in place specifically for baseball. Baseball looks beautiful in HD, by the way. But TBS HD (like TNT HD) stretches out all the other shows. It’s annoying.

Khaela Maricich is a wild woman.

• Just as a reminder, you can watch episodes of The Office online here.
• Click here to find out who won Top Chef.
• ABC has apologized for a racial joke on Desperate Housewives.
• Christopher Eccleston is remaking The Prisoner.
• E-Kristin talks to Jack McBrayer.
• The Riches is coming to DVD in January.
• David Spade’s Showbiz Show is history.
• A Studio 60 cast member is making the leap to Brothers and Sisters.
• Kathy Griffin’s very own E! True Hollywood Story airs Oct. 20.
• 30 Rock must be drinking the same water as Will and Grace — they’re chock full of guest stars.
• In encouraging news, the Lost dudes indicate that they know where the series is going to wind up.

30 Rock returns! We here at TiFaux could not be more excited. Yay Emmy-winning show! Yay Tina! Yay everything! As you may have heard, this is the Seinfeld episode. I can’t wait to see all the NBC-bashing that is sure to take place.

The Office is once again an hour long, and Ryan returns to Scranton for, presumably, hilarity.

I really enjoyed last week’s Ugly Betty. I just can’t help it! I keep thinking I have no more need for this show, and then they go and make me cry (Hilda) and set up a bunch of situations I can’t not watch (Alexis with memory loss, Justin at Mode, Henry stepping off the bus). I should just accept that I like it and move on.

And then there’s Grey’s Anatomy. Do with that what you will.

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming: Thursday is so full of entertainment, here are my also-rans: My Name is Earl, Smallville, Tim Gunn’s Guide to Style. Maybe on a less awesome night…

It’s recyclable.

• Jai Rodriguez — what are you doing?
• Ashley Parker Angel and reality TV have called it quits.
• Bonaduce vs. Fairplay — no matter who wins, we all lose.
• Rob Thomas is resurrecting the cult show Cupid.
• Sarah Silverman talks to USA Today. Also, has the comedian lost her edge?
• Coming soon: Important Things with Demitri Martin.
• Enter the Dexter writing contest.
• There’s a new Ask Ausiello up with news on Grey’s Anatomy and The Office.
• Franki Muniz will be on Criminal Minds.
• Matt Roush talks about Pushing Daisies.
• The scourge of Jay Leno might be moving to FOX.
• Al Gore to guest star on 30 Rock?
• Molly Shannon, who is everywhere all of a sudden, will be on a new NBC show.
• Isaiah Washington spin-off? I’m skeptical.

There are a lot of denture commercials on daytime TV.

• Maya Rudolph to the world: “Ha, ha. J/K. LOL. I’m staying on SNL. OMG.”
• Timothy Hutton will try to make a go of TV after Kidnapped by making a TNT pilot.
• Jack Bauer’s next mission: find an effing designated driver.
• Tina Fey talks to the New York Times.
• Your cable company might be participating in Showtime’s free preview weekend, which will allow you to see the season premieres of Dexter and Brotherhood.
• James Marsters will be coming to Smallville this season.
• Jillian, the trainer from The Biggest Loser, talks about why she took a season off.
• Game time — America’s Next Top Model winner/train wreck Adrianne Curry has declared war on which of the following: leggings, Black History Month, Charlie Sheen, the state of Idaho. Click here to find out the answer.
• CBS is tweaking Cane to appease a real life Cuban sugar cane family.
• BET is changing toward a more “mature” direction.
• Nashville is getting yanked.
• John From Cincinnati is now on Friday Night Lights.

News is here now. Rejoice.

• Kathy Griffin actually got to go on Ellen. Click here to watch her appearance on YouTube (it’s in two parts). Plus, set your TiFauxs to tape Larry King tonight — Kathy will be on to talk about her Emmy speech, etc. (Listen to the Emmy speech here)
• Speaking of Ellen, Neil Patrick Harris went on her show and talked about not having to hide his boyfriend at the Emmys.
• Watch the Chuck premiere online.
• Psych got renewed.
• Sally Field’s okay with her speech getting bleeped.
• iTunes is making enemies. Now, Fox is thinking about pulling out.
• Salon gives the Buffy Award to Friday Night Lights, deeming it the year’s most under appreciated show.
• Television Without Pity interviews Pete from 30 Rock.
• And then there’s this:
  

The Emmys are a dark, twisted, not-at-all-in-touch-with-reality version of what’s “quality” television. Everyone knows this. And yet, they’re not all bad…

30 Rock! 30 Rock! 30 Rock!

After all the frustration of the 3+ hours of miniseries and made-for-TV movies that no one cares about and the puzzling winners and the singing salute to to the Sopranos, it was a relief to see Tina up on stage self-deprecating and getting her just desserts.

Other than that, the whole thing was kind of painful. We started watching half an hour late, but that wasn’t nearly enough time on the ol’ TiFaux to fast-forward past everything we wanted to fast-forward.

Highlights:

• I kind of enjoyed the gladiator-style, possible cage-match, summer production of All’s Well That Ends Well-esque in-the-round set. Easier to spy on the people in the background.
• Steve Carrell, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert.
• Colbert loses to Tony Bennett — what old man singing is going to beat him next year? Can’t wait to hear what he’s going to say about it.
• “It’s HIGH-GUL, actually.”
• Elaine Strich.
• Kristen Bell sitting next to Masi Oka.

Lowlights:

• Ryan Seacrest.
• Jersey Boys musical tribute to the Sopranos. WHY was this necessary?
• Poor Masi Oka having to talk to Tom from MySpace. Ugh. Also, Kristen Bell looked really bored.
• Lewis Black. Irritating. Not funny.
• Why are there so many awards for mini-series and made-for-TV movies? I counted about 87. No one watches mini-series and made-for-TV movies. The same three kept getting called up. BORING.
• NPH and Rainn Wilson got robbed. By Jeremy Piven.
• I don’t know. Everything else, I guess.